Cathartic Moments
by holeybubushka
Summary: What if Mr. Zwick and co. had 22 eps instead of 19? An alternative ending to season three. AU from "Experience is the Teacher". Ensemble piece.
1. Default Chapter

* * *

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

Feedback means the world to me, people. So please, read AND review

And finally, shout out to my awesome Beta Reader Karen who catches all the little things that I don't. Cheers, Karen.

**Cathartic Moments **

**Chapter One**

Only a few stray pieces of light pierced the blinds of the Manning Manor, but it was enough to rouse Lily Sammler from her slumber. Exhaling heavily, she pried her eyes open, and to her dismay her bedside clock displayed the time proudly to her heavy eyes. Six thirty. Wake up time.

At her back, she could feel the steady rise and fall of her husband's chest. His heavy arm was draped protectively over her, nestling Lily to Rick's side. A deep feeling of foreboding fell over her, as it became apparent that to leave the security of bed would mean facing the realities of the day. Judy and Sam, Rick's uncertainty about work… Grace. Her daughter who not 72 hours ago had sat in the Principal office and watched with undeniable agony as the teacher whom she was infatuated with dismissed for the term

It was the thought of her daughter that gave Lily the incentive to move. Groaning she pushed Rick's inert arm from her and despite his soft protest, rolled off the side of the bed. Stretching, Lily again chastised herself about her handling of Grace's incident. How had she not known? She had grossly misjudged her daughter, which troubled her greatly. She'd thought she knew Grace, but perhaps in Lily' haste to welcome Eli and Jessie into her family she had forgotten her eldest daughter who for so long, Lily had felt so connected to. But Grace now was so secretive, so unwilling to open up that Lily felt a profound sadness at the thought of their fractured relationship.

Quite suddenly her stomach contracted and a wave of nausea hit Lily hard, making her groan loudly. She staggered to the bathroom and shut the door.

_Bad day,_ Lily thought, falling to her knees. _"Bad, Bad day."_

* * *

The incessant beeping woke Jessie up abruptly. Groaning, she reached over turned her alarm off. Rolling on her back, she stared up at the ceiling, a broad grin stretching on her face. _'Only an hour until I see Katie!'_ she thought, enjoying her giddiness. With enthusiasm she threw off her blanket and bounded over to her cupboard where she rifled through her clothes, wondering what to wear. _'As if Katie even cares about that stuff' _she thought with an eye roll. It didn't matter to Jessie, however. She knew that nothing was more important than her looking perfect today.

* * *

"Where is everyone?" Zoe whined to her mother as Lily slumped in. "Do you know Miss. Jenell believes that you're 95 more likely to be efficient during the week if you're very awake on a Monday?"

"Well, good for Ms. Jenell." Lily said tiredly. _'Then my week's gone to hell.'_ "I don't know where everyone else is."

"One Rick Sammler, reporting for Coffee," Rick said grinning as he walked in. He pecked Lily on the cheek then squeezed Zoe on the shoulder as he hunted for a mug. "I hate Mondays."

"Eli! Jessie!" Lily hollered. "Come on, we're running late."

"Coming, coming!" Jessie voice floated down from the attic. A few minutes later, a very disgruntled Eli came. "Why did you have to wake me up?" he asked looking surly. "I don't have to be at work till ten."

"It's good to be up early, E" Rick smiled, as he made his coffee.

"You'll be 95 more efficient!" Zoe chirped.

Eli grunted. Secretly, he felt embarrassed sitting here so obviously useless amidst all these people who had so much important business to attend to. _'Unlike me'_ he thought self pityingly.

"Hey" Jessie breezed in wearing an attractive grey turtle neck and black pants. She sat next to Eli. "When are we heading to school, Dad?"

"Not until you troops are fed," Rick answered. He paused, "Jess are you wearing make-up?"

Jessie felt all eyes on her. "Only a little," she said defensively.

Rick felt his heart quicken. _'She's never worn make-up to school before'_ "Well, Jess, school is a place you learn; it's not a fashion parade."

"Oh please Dad, every girl wears stuff! And anyway, it's not as if I don't learn heaps at school anyway." Jessie challenged.

"Sure, sure," Rick backed down. He had noticed her daughter's demeanor shift over the last month, and he was delighted, mostly due to his concern over her reaction after Karen's accident. But it made him wonder who would make his normally shy daughter dress up for school. He planned to look into it. "We should go in a couple minutes. Where's Grace?"

"I'll, uh, call her," Lily interjected quickly

* * *

It was still dark in Grace's room. "Gracie?" Lily called, sticking her head in cautiously.

"I told you not to call me that." Grace replied dully.

"Right, of course." Lily hesitantly walked into Grace's room. She sat on the edge the bed that Grace was still lying in. "Honey, I, uh, know this must be awful, but I really feel you need to get up."

"I don't want to go to that school again." Lily blinked, deeply troubled by her daughter's blank tone. Lily expected her daughter to lash out at her, but this dull, monotone was more worrying than anger. "But you have to. I know it's hard, but the sooner you face this, the sooner it'll all go away!"

Grace snorted incredulously. "_I wonder if she used that line for one of her callers"_ she thought spitefully. Her mother had no comprehension of what she was going through. She felt bile in her throat whenever she thought of Upton Sinclair, where everyone would be whispering about her, their eyes cruel and mocking as they reveled in exchanging gossip. Gossip. About her and Mr. Dimitri.

The thought of his name made her heart clench again. The whole weekend she had stayed in her room, mulling angrily over the events of the past weeks. _"How dare him,"_ she seethed. _"How dare he say he used me? What we had, what we should have had was real. I felt it." _

"Honey." Lily broke Grace's thoughts. "Honey, how about Rick drops Zoe and Jessie off, and you can have the car to yourself. Or, maybe I can drop you? Would you like that?"

"No!" Grace said forcefully, shoving her bed covers away and angrily not looking at her mother. "I'll get dressed in a second, and then I will drive both Zoe then Jessie to school. I need to get dressed now."

"Honey, if you want to,"

"Don't. Want. To .Talk about it." Grace ground out.

"Sweetie," Lily stopped as Grace finally turned around, her face an angry, tight mask. "I'll, um just make your breakfast."

Grace let out a frustrated sigh as her mother left the room. Covering her face with her hands, she moaned. "This is gonna be a bad, bad day"

Grace and Jessie traveled in silence. Grace had scarcely spoken two words throughout the whole car trip, barely even acknowledging Jessie's existence. Jessie shifted uncomfortably and inwardly cursed her inarticulateness. Whenever Jess went to say something her words died in her throat, knowing that anything she said would sound unbearably lame.

Staring at another rows of neatly cultivated bushes as they drove past Jessie attempted conversation. "So, Zoë's going into what, grade eight this year? With her vocabulary she'll be the smartest kid there."

"Mmm," Grace muttered. Jessie visibly wilted, but Grace didn't notice, or if she did, she chose to say nothing. "Mmm." Jessie said. The silence continued. It was excruciating.

Grace pulled into Upton Sinclair and quickly found a suitable place to park. Jessie shifted in her seat, but Grace still didn't acknowledge her. "So, uh see you later." Jessie said hesitantly.

"Yeah," Grace said drearily.

Jessie spotted a tall girl with a ridiculous red cap on. "Katie," she called. She turned to Grace as she got out of the car. "So, there's Katie. I should go to her. Bye."

Grace nodded, seemingly in a trance as she stared ahead motionlessly. Horribly uncomfortable, Jessie turned and practically barreled into a beaming Katie. "Wow," Katie grinned, wrapping her arms around Jessie. "You're perky for Monday."

"It was horrible," Jessie mumbled into Katie's shoulder. She lifted her head and moaned "the car ride here. Grace wouldn't say anything! It was scary."

"Yeah?" Katie let arms hands drop and cast a worried look towards Lily's car. "How's she holding up?"

"I don't know," Jessie admitted as they walked towards school. "She spent all weekend alone in her room. Lily tried to talk to her, but she seems pretty angry and stuff. I wouldn't go near Grace when she's angry, but Lily kept trying."

"Lily should get a medal," Katie quipped. Then she turned and grinned at Jessie. "I'm already planning to nap during first period. Ugh, Tsarist Russia. Why I'd take this stupid course?"

Jessie beamed at her. "Because you're silly."

Katie grinned and linked their arms together. "Damn straight. And don't you forget it."

* * *

Grace splashed cold water over her face. Sighing she looked back at herself in the bathroom mirror. Even to her eyes she looked pale and withdrawn. _"I look heart broken"_ she thought. Then her eyes hardened. _"I'm not letting that bitch Alexa see me like this."_

First period had been manageable, but she had seen the smirks on everyone's faces, their hushed whispered and furtive glances, some pitying and some mocking. Grace squeezed her eyes closed and leant her head up against the glass. "Breathe," she whispered. She struggled to control herself as her entire body felt consumed with emotion. Tears prickled her eyes and she felt waves of humiliation wash through her body and before she could help it she sniffled. She felt desperately alone, more separated from her peers than she had ever been.

All Grace wanted to do was to lash out at Mr. Dimitri, make him feel every inch of pain and humiliation she was experiencing. Yet she also wanted to cocoon herself in his arms and listen to him warmly muse about the great poets and literary writers.

Grace angrily shook her head, confused and fought the urge to lock herself within a toilet cubicle. She knew however that if Alexa discovered she wasn't in her Creative Writing course even more rumours would spread. "Come on," Grace mumbled. With a determined nod she walked out of the bathroom.

By the time she had entered, only a few of her classmates had arrived. She spotted her usual desk at the front, but not before she saw Alexa and her gang of cronies titter and whisper to each other, throwing Grace knowing looks. Blinking away tears Grace strode to the desk and sat down. Sighing, she wondered who the new teacher will be. _"Who ever they are they won't be as good as Mr. Dimitri."_ Grace guiltily glanced around the room where her classmates her filing in. It seemed someone had found that Mr. Dimitri was not returning and the whole school was alight with speculation. For now though, most kids in the Creative Writing class threw disdainful looks at her, obviously blaming her, if they bothered to look at her at all. Grace noticed that most of the class was here, yet no one had bothered to sit next to her. Hands shaking Grace chanted _'Its ok, its ok,'_ continuously until a man wandered into the room.

"Hey guys," the man nervously said. He was small in stature with a receding hair line, round face and kind eyes. He was dressed in a green sweater and loose flannel trousers. "I'm your substitute teacher for the term, Mr. Bellows. I'll keep to the notes your previous teacher had. I believe you are studying Grendell."

From a few seats behind her, Grace heard Alexa snort in a falsetto whisper "I wonder if Grace will have an affair with him too?"

As her friends titter, Grace felt a pang of anger. She ground her teeth and wondered how on earth she going to get through the day.

"Hello," Katie said to Mr. Bellows as she breezed into the room.

"And you are?" Mr. Bellows queried, slightly taken aback by this girl's sudden appearance.

"Katie," Katie chirped. She stopped next to Grace. "Hey Grace, can I sit here?"

Grace gaped at Katie as she felt all the eyes of the room stare at her. "Uh, sure."

"Thanks." Katie sat down. Loudly enough for the whole class to hear she said, "I actually like sitting at the front. It seems to be the place to be if you _actually _want to be educated."

From the corner of her eye, Grace saw Alexa's smirk vanish. "I guess so."

"Ms, uh," Mr. Bellows consulted his roll for Katie's last name.

"Singer."

"Well, Ms. Singer perhaps you can inform me why you are so late."

"Sorry, I got caught up with a sophomore."

Katie turned and winked at Grace. "Those sophomore's, huh? Can't live with 'em, although I definitely don't want to ever be without them."

Despite herself, Grace laughed. "Yeah," she said.

* * *

"What you doing, Eli?" Jake queried, walking into the back room of Booklovers. He sniffed the air suspiciously.

"Nothing," Eli innocently said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Isn't this your lunch break?" Jake asked, clearly confused.

"Yeah it is, but I thought I'd just chill here."

"Here?" Jake looked incredulously at Eli. "Why on earth would you spend your time here in this dingy little room?"

Eli shrugged. "Got nothing better to do."

"Ahhhhh," Jake nodded. "Boredom, I see. Well, I don't think there's any point to you hanging around here doing nothing. Why don't you browse the shelves?"

"I do the shelving all the time," Eli whined. "Plus, it's my _lunch _break."

"No no, actually _look _at the books that are displayed there."

Eli gaped at Jake "Uh, sorry Mr. Manning but me and books don't get along."

Jake smiled indulgently and patted Eli's shoulder. "Me neither at your age. But books are like any form of entertainment, the majority you're gonna hate with a fiery passion. But there are some you'll find that interest you and are fun. A lot more fun than just staying here all the time."

Eli shuffled uncomfortably. "So I'm allowed to actually read the books on the shelves?"

"Yeah during your lunch break that is." Jake smiled and turned and walked away. Before he left the room though, he paused and looked back at Eli. "Eli, I just want to let you know you're doing good here. Keep it up."

"Thanks." And with that, Jake was gone. Eli slouched against the wall and brooded. He had tried to make a conscious effort to improve his behavior here; however he couldn't help but think that Mr. Manning only pitied him. _'That's how I got this job, isn't it?'_ he thought bitterly. _'Because my Mom was in an accident and Judy felt sorry for me.' _Eli swallowed hard and surveyed the dark room. _'I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself.'_ Eli thought miserably. Sighing, he shuffled towards the door to go eat some lunch.

* * *

"I love lunch, its so the best meal of the day!" Enthused Katie as she sat down with Jessie at their lunch table.

"Isn't it breakfast?" Jessie asked, amused.

Katie waved her hand impatiently. "Nah, that's the most important meal. Lunch is definitely the tastiest though." She peered at Jessie's untouched plate. "You're not hungry?" Her tone was clearly worried.

"Yes I am!" Jessie automatically replied. When she saw Katie skeptical look she sighed. "No I'm not hungry. I'm worried about Grace."

"Ah, yeah," Katie grimaced. "You should hear what all the girls are saying in my year. Stacey Conway is adamant that Grace is pregnant with Mr. Dimitri's baby."

"What," Jessie cried, outraged. She shook her head_ 'poor Grace.'_

"Speaking of," Katie pointed to someone behind Jessie. Jessie turned and saw her Step Sister tentatively enter the Cafeteria. "Grace," Jessie called loudly. She felt guilty when she saw Grace flinch with fright. "Grace, over here."

Grace saw them, and headed over to their table. "Hey," she said, attempting to sound normal.

Katie gestured to the empty chairs. "Why don't you take a seat?"

Grace shrugged. "I thought you two would want to be alone," she said with a tinge of bitterness.

"Why would we want to be alone?" Jessie snapped loudly. She flushed when she saw Katie and Grace stare at her. "Sorry," Jessie whispered.

Grace sighed. "I'm going grab something to eat," she said. "I'll be back in a second."

"You can have my food," Jessie said earnestly.

Grace turned and regarded Jessie. "No, you should eat it. I'll be back in a sec."

"I'm an idiot," Jessie grumbled to Katie. Katie raised her eyebrows. "Don't look at me like that, I _am_. " Jessie cried. "Every time I go to talk to her, I don't know what to say and when I do say something it's always stupid."

"You're not responsible for her." Katie pointed out.

"I know, but I want to help her," Jessie said with feeling.

Katie eyes softened. She reached across the table and slipped Jessie's hand under her own. "I _know_ you do," she said gently squeezing.

Both girls smiled, gazing into each others eyes and enjoying the contact. Across the room someone laughed loudly at some joke and both girls jerked their hand away, self-conscious. "I meant to tell you earlier, but you are looking particularly good today, Billie. Is that eye shadow you have on?"

Jessie smiled, pleased. "Yeah, you noticed!"

Katie grinned. "It looks great but since when do you wear make-up?"

"I don't know," Jessie lightly teased. She lowered her voice. "Maybe I just wanted to look good for you."

Katie threw back her head and laughed. "Aw Billie!" she leaned forward and lowered her voice also. "You always look good to me."

Jessie beamed at her, and then ducked her head, embarrassed. This was turning out to be an awesome day.


	2. Chapter Two

**Cathartic Moments**

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. For the purpose of the story, Karen is still in hospital. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

Feedback means everything to me, so please READ and REVIEW. Thank you so much for every one who reviewed so far. It meant the world to me, it really did.

And finally, shout out to my awesome beta reader Karen who catches all the little things that I never do. Cheers, Karen!

**Chapter Two**

"Home." Karen Sammler sighed, leaning heavily on her cane. She exhaled her breath which she felt she had been holding throughout the car trip home from the hospital.

The last months had been so achingly painful; full of fear and pain. In the darkest moments, alone at night, nothing seemed exist outside the slow monotony of time. In those moments, Karen felt sure that nothing lived outside the hospital, that her home, her job, her life was nothing but a distant illusion. But here she was, bathed in sunlight in front of her house. She suppressed the urge to laugh, so giddy she was with relief.

"Mom?" Eli strode to her and gently held her side. "Come on, let's go in."

"What about my bags?"

"Jessie'll get 'em. Jess, the bags."

"Ok," Jessie called behind them.

Karen tentatively hobbled forward, face bathed in sunlight as her son supported her. As they reached her front door, she hesitated, suddenly fearful of what she may find.

"Come on, Mom." Eli said gently. Squeezing her side, he opened the door.

Her house was in the exact same state she left it in. On closer examination however, a thick layer of dust had settled into every corner of the room. The air was heavy and stale. A stack of legal papers were stored on a cabinet, untouched for months and Karen spied Eli's gym bag over in the corner.

"Yeah," Eli chuckled nervously. "Sorry about the mess."

"Oh Eli," Karen sighed, tears welling. "It's perfect." _'It's still my home'_ Karen thought happily.

Eli helped Karen over to a chair. Jessie then hurried in with her bags. "Where do you want them?" she asked.

Karen leaned back and closed her eyes. "Just anywhere," she said tiredly.

"Mom?" Karen opened her eyes. Eli and Jessie both were looking worriedly at her. "Do you want something to eat?" Jessie asked obviously concerned. "Or, or maybe to drink?"

"Just no Jell-O." Karen smiled weakly. Jessie and Eli laughed quietly. "Maybe a drink of water honey."

"I'll get it." Jessie said, relieved to be helping. She turned and headed to the kitchen.

For a few moments, Eli and Karen stayed silent. Then Eli asked "So what now?"

"We'll just follow the instruction Dr. Jenkens gave." Karen said. She paused, unsure whether to continue. "I believe Henry will continue to see me."

Eli scrunched up his face. "Henry?" he queried.

"My physiotherapist," Karen said a shade too hastily.

"Right." Eli looked down and hooked his thumbs in his pockets. "I'm glad you're back." He mumbled quickly.

Karen smiled lovingly at the young man before her. "Me too, honey."

"Got it!" Jessie hurried in. She sat next to her mother and handed her the drink. "Is there anything else you need? A pillow or a book?"

Karen drank the water, feeling it wet her parched lips. "No, no," she motioned to Eli to sit down. "I want to hear all about your lives."

"I got an A for my English paper on Othello!" Jessie said excitedly. "I'm helping out with the _English and Art_ _Faire _next month. I might be joining this after school gym club, to keep practicing my _tae kwon do_ and everything!"

Karen lightly caressed her daughters slightly flushed face. "That's wonderful, sweetie. Are you sure that's not too much work?"

"Definitely not," Jessie said confidently, enjoying talking with her mother.

Karen turned and addressed her son. "Eli, why don't you sit down? What has happened with you? It feels so long since I've known."

"Uh," Eli suddenly felt quite ill. He couldn't be here, next to these accomplished females when he himself had failed in every endeavor he had tried. He felt all the more humiliated looking at his mother's open, expectant face. Realizing that she was waiting for him to speak he reluctantly sat down. "Working for Judy and Jake is really great," he lied. "I could go there full time."

"Oh Eli," his mother gasped, clearly thrilled. "That's so wonderful." She threw her arms around him and grasped him tightly.

"Yeah," Eli whispered.

Karen let him go. "I'm in no state to cook, so why don't we order take- out," she crowed mischievously. "Some pizzas maybe? Extra fatty."

"Mom!" Jessie sounded shocked.

Karen cuddled her daughter. "I think you both deserve it!"

* * *

"I'll just have tea thanks." Lily said to Judy.

Judy raised an eyebrow. "Only tea huh? Trying to loose weight?"

"Of course not!" Lily snapped. She wandered over to a table and sat down. "I, unlike you, am not slave to the caffeine monster."

"You say that today, but soon ye shall see the light!" Judy smirked. She told one of her employees to bring a latte' and a tea out. Sitting across from her sister she asked "How's Grace?"

"Recovering." Lily said miserably. "It breaks my heart to see her like this. Every day she comes home from pale and upset. School isn't meant to be an ordeal."

"Rumours die down. Soon it'll be the next unfortunate kid who pisses off a popular bitch. And if it does continue, you could always move her to another school."

"Upton is a great school!" Lily protested. "She's just heart broken. I'm sure in time everything will be ok." The waiter brought the women their drinks. Lily stared morosely down into her cup then picked her spoon and listless stirred clockwise, then paused and stirred counter clock wise.

"Ok." Judy sighed. She snapped her fingers in front of Lily's face. "Earth to Queen Lily! What else is wrong?"

"Nothing!" Lily protested. "I'm worried about Grace."

"Of course you are," Judy said simply. "But there's something else, and you didn't come all this way not to tell me. Come on, Lily."

"I," the words caught in Lily's throat. Fingering her cup, she suddenly found herself petrified. Lily knew that uttering these words made the worries buzzing in her head, concrete, more real. "I've been ill lately."

"Lily," Judy gasped, eyes widening. She put a hand to her chest. "It's not, not serious, right?" she asked with dread.

"No!" Lily assured her quickly. She watched her sister release a relieved breath.

"Ok, then what's the problem?" Judy asked confused.

"Well, it's more that I've been ill every day this week." She paused. "In the morning."

Judy's eyes widened. "My God," she breathed. "Are you late?"

"I think," Lily hesitated. "I think I am."

"Whoa." Judy gazed at her sister intently. "Have you told Rick?"

"There's nothing to tell" Lily insisted, her voice shrill. "I don't know anything yet!"

"Lily, this isn't bank bills. You can't just ignore it."

"I _know _Ok," Lily snapped. Lily pushed her tea away, suddenly not thirsty.

"So, this is a case of maybe a baby," Judy wryly said. "You don't seem so pleased."

"I am, I just what…" Lily didn't want to comprehend what a baby may mean. "I just don't want to get excited over nothing."

"Ok," Judy said, sipping her coffee and watching her sister, curiosity piqued.

* * *

Beaming, Mr. Bellows picked up a pile of assignments from his desk. "Poetry is never easy," he said. "Plenty of people just believe that a poem's main purpose is to sound nice. I found however that most of you grappled well with what poetry is really about, meaning. So, uh, excellent work everyone."

A few members of the class mumbled their thanks as Mr. Bellows proceeded to enthusiastically return the assignments. Grace stared at the wall, completely zoned out, pitifully wondering whether she was able to endure Bellows dull voice for the rest of the year.

"Ms. Manning." Grace started. Mr. Bellows peered at her then handed back her assignment. "Good work."

Grace flashed a fake smile then looked down at her assignment. Her heart thudded when she saw the result. _'A B_' she thought incredulously. She wildly looked around, certain that a catastrophic mistake had been made. Her stomach dropped further when she saw Mr. Bellows hand back Alexa's assignment. "Fantastic result," he beamed. Alexa looked flummoxed, and then her face broke out into a wide smile. She caught Grace's look and smirked.

The shrill ring of the bell interrupted the standoff. Grace quickly packed her bags, her desire to leave overwhelming.

Grace stormed down the hall wall, rudely pushing past the kids leaving their last class. Grace's breath came out as wheezes as she struggled to control her anger. _'I hate this place'_ she thought.

"Grace!" It was Alexa. She too was pushing past kids as they were heading for the bus ride home.

"What," Grace snarled.

"Well excuse me," Alexa sarcastically said. "You left in such a hurry I was just checking on how you were."

"Sure," Grace drawled. _'As if you care.'_

"I'm guessing you're upset. But come on, you obviously got the mark you deserved. I mean, Mr. Bellows is an _actual _teacher."

"**What!"** Grace's voice dripped with anger.

"He is. Mr. Dimitri was hopeless and you know it."

"He was not!" Grace snarled. Lowering her voice she looked Alexa straight into her eyes. "You're just jealous and now you're taking it out on me."

Alexa flinched as if she had been struck. Momentarily she seemed to struggle to control her rage but soon an ugly smirk slithered over her face.

"Or maybe you're not the writer you thought you were and Dimitri only gave you the marks because he wanted to fuck you."

Both girls paused and let the implications of what Alexa said sink in. Then laughing humorlessly, Alexa turned and stormed off.

Groaning, Grace wrenched open her car door and climbed in car. Not bothering to hold in the tears that were now streaming now her face Grace turned the ignition on and angrily shifted the car into first and drove off.

The car trip was horrible and somewhere in Grace's consciousness she knew that she was in no condition to drive. Before she could process Alexa's statement she was in front of her drive way. Shoving open the door she stormed into the kitchen and to her profound relief found it empty. Grace practically ran up the stairs and hoping no one would hear her closed her door.

Throwing herself onto the bed, Grace hiccupped through her tears. _'It's not true'_

But seeds of doubt were springing into her mind. She knew that Mr. Dimitri cared for her, but somehow she trusted him to keep his professional integrity intact when he marked her work. But emotion often clouded reason and now Grace felt uncertain as to whether she was at all talented. All the encouragement, all his criticism and praise she received from him was now placed under suspicion in her mind.

He had made her feel wonderful and now he was gone she was Grace again, lonely and insecure. How did she know that anything he said was real?

Sniffling Grace hauled herself up and grabbed her notebook. Mr. Dimitri had once told her to use her emotions. Determined she took her pen and began to write.

* * *

Jessie peered into the microscope, adjusting the lens to see better. Sighing, she recorded the results then tiredly rubbed her eyes and glancing anxiously at the clock. She resumed working but a moment later she was hugged from behind.

"Hey Jessie!" Katie grinned. Jessie jumped, but then relaxed and eased into the contact.

"Hey," she said, tired. "Why are you still here? Its, like, four thirty."

"Mr. Bellows gave me an after school detention for not handing in an assignment." Katie said cheerily.

"Really?" Jessie asked incredulously. She wiggled out of Katie's embrace. "But you always charm your way out of detentions!"

"But I knew you were going to be here," Katie sweetly said. She glanced around the room. "Where are Bill and Jenny?"

"They didn't show up," Jessie said quietly.

"What!" Katie exclaimed. She waved her hands around in the air. "Isn't this a group assignment? Shouldn't they be here, _helping _you?"

"It's ok," Jessie said uncomfortably. She was upset about them not showing up too, but she didn't want to make a scene. "I don't mind doing it. I'm sure they have a reason."

Katie glowered and watched Jessie with concern. She noticed the slight bags under her eyes and the slump in her shoulders. Next to her was a great big pile of work equipment. Obviously this was an assignment meant for more than one.

Katie suppressed a sigh. It was in Jessie' nature to be altruistic, but her altruism bordered on doormat occasionally. Katie knew that Bill and Jenny were aware of Jessie's hard working tendencies and were willing to exploit them fully.

Shaking her head but smiling tenderly, Katie reached over and tapped Jessie shoulder. When she turned Katie leaned forward and gently kissed the younger girl, using her left hand to stroke her face.

"Why don't you come back to my place?" Katie whispered when they broke away. Off Jessie's shocked look Katie grinned. "I intend nothing racy, Miss Sammler."

"But the assignment…"

"You can finish the rest at my house. You're finished with the science equipment."

Jessie continued to look hesitant so Katie grabbed her hand. "Come on Billie!" she pleaded. "Its crappy weather and really, who wants to hang around school at four thirty?"

Jessie needed no further persuasion. As they entered Katie bolted to the cupboards. "No study would be complete without Caaaaaaaaandy!" she waved sugared goods around. "I also have some potato chips and pop in here as well, I think."

"Wow," Jessie said in wonder. "My Mom hates me eating junk food even on my birthday."

"My Mom doesn't really care all that much," Katie said lightly. "So, more treats for me I suppose!"

An hour and a half later, Katie checked on Jessie who was in her study. "Jessie you haven't finished!" she gaped. "When's it due?"

"On Thursday," Jessie said weakly. "I didn't know there was so much work."

Katie glowered. _'It would have been fine if her group had helped her,' she thought._

Pausing, she regarded her girlfriend. Jessie was slumped on the floor, her eyes glazed and unfocused.

"Jessie," Katie said mock sternly. "Time for a study break."

They were up in Katie room, both sitting on the floor and munching on potato chips. "I can't believe the school year is over," Jessie ruefully said. "Where'd it go?"

"Yeah, I swear it was September yesterday," Katie grinned. She paused, "I remember when I was a kid time used to drag and now, like, there suddenly isn't enough time."

"I know," Jessie said dreamily. "Time should just stop sometimes."

For a long moment both girls stared at each other, enjoying their connection. It was strange, to be so aware and in sync with another individual. Both could hear each other's breath coming in and out with the rise and fall of their chests.

"So," Katie interrupted the moment, feeling uncomfortable with its intensity. Jessie had to shake her head, as if coming out of daze. "Grace still part of the _Gay/Straight Alliance?"_

"I don't think there is one," Jessie admitted sadly. "Grace and Mr. Dimitri were the driving forces behind it, and now he's gone and Grace doesn't seem to have to heart to pick it back up."

"So, I guess no dance then. " Katie frowned. "Probably a good idea."

"Why do you say that?" Jessie asked, irrationally feeling offended.

"Well, I doubt it would have been a success. I mean, most kids, gay or straight would be too embarrassed to come and any gay kids who go as a couple would probably get lynched or…" She trailed off when she saw Jessie's hurt face. She winced and inwardly cursed herself. "I'm sorry, that was dumb."

"No, you're right I guess." Jessie said, suddenly overcome as she looked down at her hands. Sniffling Jessie tried to wipe the tears prickling her eyes.

"Jess," Katie said, moving over and wrapping her arms around her.

"Its n-nothing," Jessie hiccupped. " It's just… if a gay kid went and everyone would just look at them like they'd be some big _freak _and…" she trailed off and Katie could see Jessie drop her gaze down, and suddenly Katie had a terrible sinking feeling the 'everyone' Jessie was talking about was her family. Jessie sniffed," It's not even _fair_," Her voice hitched. "Because, I…I just really want to dance with you."

Neither girl could say anything as that statement hung in the air. Katie heart beat rapidly as she held on for dear life to the girl in her arms. _'That does it, I'm falling for her," _she thought ruefully. Attempting to calm her beating heart, she extracted herself from Jessie and turning on her CD as Billie Holiday's "God Bless the Child" began to play.

"Dance with me?" Katie asked solemnly.

Feeling her throat contract with emotion, Jessie could only nod. Holding each other gingerly, both girls began to sway to the warm melody that wafted through the room.

"_And God Bless the child who's got his own. _

_Who's got his own…"_

* * *

"Judy!" Lily waved to her sister as she and Grace entered Booklovers. "Jake, come over here!"

"She doesn't get that this is our _work place_." Judy growled to Jake as they both waved Lily and Grace over. Jake just smirked and rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure you haven't heard the news!" Lily said cheerfully.

Judy shifted and looked at her sister dubiously "Does Rick…"

"Grace has been nominated for the Young Writers Award!" Lily's said loudly, her voice overlapping her sister as she shot Judy a deft warning look. Judy heeded it and stayed silent.

"Honey, that's great," Jake grinned widely. She drew his daughter into an embrace.

"Its nothing," Grace muffled voice protested.

"It's definitely something," Jake gushed. He motioned towards a table. "I believe celebrations are in order, so how about a meal on the house, Pumpkin!"

"Dad!" Grace laughed, blushing as she lightly swatted her father. "I'm seventeen; I'm too old for names."

"But not too old for a meal on the house! Lily, would you like anything?"

"A muffin, thanks Jake." Her ex-husband nodded and walked off. Turing to Grace, she asked, "What was the book you wanted?"

"Fahrenheit 451. It's for an English assignment."

"Science fiction over to the far left." Judy called as her niece walked away. She then turned and glared at her sister.

"What!" Lily said defensively.

"You haven't told Rick, have you?"

"Well, not exactly." Lily then bristled as her sister looked shocked. "I only found out it's definitely a baby a few days ago, and Rick is so busy with trying to organize some hotel deals that I don't want to…"

"Face this!" Judy interrupted.

"That's not true. It's finding the right time to tell him. You said it yourself it's a pretty big deal."

"He has a right to know." Judy said, sipping her drink. "Since he was involved and all."

"I _know _Ok." Lily snapped. "It's just…wait, what if Jake comes back?"

"Casanova? No, he's probably found some pretty thing to flirt with. Now," Judy lowered her voice. "Why are you so scared of Rick all of a sudden?"

"It's just…" Lily sighed with frustrated. "I've thought I was pregnant with Rick's baby before… and he didn't take it that well."

"Oh, and you think it'll be the same now?"

"Of course!" Lily insisted. "Everything is crazy for us now. I mean, what with blended families, him marginally employed and my insane radio job our life is so full. I just don't see how anything else could fit!"

"Yeah," Judy attempted to keep the jealously from her voice. A nasty glower flickered over her face as she thought maliciously _'Here she is, complaining again about how her life is too full with wonderful things.'_

Judy automatically felt ashamed of feeling resentful of her sister. A new baby was a shock to anyone, she imagined somewhat enviously. Judy hoped Lily didn't catch onto to her brief fit of jealously but thankfully Lily seemed too preoccupied to notice anything Judy was doing at the moment. Judy decided to weigh in her opinion.

"Well, when I first met Rick he was hard to pin down. He's always so distant, aloof…" Judy looked thoughtful. "I remember often thinking he was repressed."

Lily shot Judy a look of pure venom but Judy held up her hand. "He can get that way. However, I have to admit, there is more to Rick than that and it's not fair that I judged him. I think you have to stop judging him before he deserves judgment."

Lily pretended to glare at her sister, but she sighed and slumped. "When did you get so wise?"

"When I realized that counseling other people' love life is so much easier than dealing with my own!"

The two women regarded each other for a moment then burst into giggles.

* * *

Eli leafed through a book about the evolution of rock music. Unfortunately the book had very little pictures and Eli tried valiantly to read the whole chapter. However old problems reared their head and Eli soon found all the words to be nothing more than black indistinguishable mess. It reminded him too vividly of school, where he would concentrate all his effort on sport and popularity to ignore the fact that he was less able than the other students.

"_So much for finding a book to enjoy, Jake."_ He thought bitterly.

Hearing footsteps, Eli stood up, expecting a customer. To his surprise, it was Grace.

"Hey, Eli" Grace grinned. "The music section, where else where you going to be?"

"I do actually work here," Eli said a tad more defensively than he meant. "I was just taking a break to check out this book."

"A book?"

"Yeah, who would have thunk it?" Eli chuckled, embarrassed.

"Let me see!"

"It's nothing!" Eli turned and returned the book to its place, embarrassed that his step- sister would laugh at him for trying to read a book about music. Turing to Grace he raised an eye-brow. "OK, what are YOU doing here?"

"I need a book." Grace paused, and then flushed proudly. "I was also chosen to represent Upton Sinclair at this national Writing Competition."

"Really, that's awesome. We should celebrate."

Grace rolled her eyes and poked Eli on the arm. "Ew, I know your idea of celebrating! I'm not trying that stuff ever again."

Eli lowered his voice and smiled. "What, weed? Everyone has a bad reaction the first time around. It gets heaps better the second time you try it." He paused. "Not that I'm encouraging you to try it again, since I work for your Dad and everything."

Grace chuckled and rolled her eyes. She then leant against the book shelf opposite Eli, obviously thinking deeply about something. Not wanting to interrupt, Eli waited until she was ready to speak.

"I have no idea why they chose me." She said finally. "But they have. The deal is I have to submit a piece of writing. Like the best that I've ever done."

"I'm sure you have heaps of choices then."

"Hardly. There is one piece though, I wrote it when I was upset over, over that thing a three weeks ago."

"Oh, right." Eli surmised that Grace must be referring to that creepy teacher who Grace had the hots for.

"It's kind of personal, you know?" Grace couldn't look Eli in the eye. "Like, I don't mention any names or anything but it's a snap shot of how I felt in a moment. It's like, showing a part of your life to a bunch of strangers who don't know you and can just sit back and judge your piece. It's kinda scary."

"Well, I, uh, heard that the art that transcends the mediocre is often something more powerful behind it, like an expression of an emotion of something. I mean," Eli shrugged. "It's up to you and everything. I know nothing about writing. Or art, I guess," he said ruefully, suddenly acutely embarrassed.

"No, thank you." Grace said sincerely. Eli could see the look of shock on her face, as if she was flabbergasted that he said something half- way intelligent. _'Not surprised, doesn't happen often.'_ He thought sullenly.

Suddenly, Eli saw with clarity the difference between the two eldest children of the Manning-Sammler clan. Here Grace was, strong, determined and ambitious desperate to get out of Illinois and follow her passion for writing and now she had the opportunity for a real break. And here he was, the most popular guy in high school who now was stuck working in a bookstore and hopelessly unable to see where he was going. Grace had no idea how lucky she was.

"So, what else is up?" Eli said, wanting to break the silence.

Grace twisted her face unhappily. "Nothing. I hate school. I'm so over it." And she was. Everything about Upton Sinclair reviled her, the cliques, the bitchiness and repetitive mindless study.

"I just so desperately," Grace's voice faulted slightly with emotion. "I just want to get out of here."

"I get that." Eli said quietly.

"I'm being stupid." Grace looked embarrassed. "Anyway, I probably should find this book. Are you going to be around much?"

"Yeah, I mean my Mom needs to be taken care of for a few days, but I'll spend a couple days at Dad's. Why?"

"Oh," Grace rolled her eyes self-deprecatingly. "Since I've been nominated I have to give a speech on the impact of this year's English syllabus for a bunch of boring old adults at '_The English and Arts Fair'_. My mom's got some appointment on that day so she's taking the car and…"

"Grace, Grace, it's OK." Eli interrupted, waving his hands dismissively. "I'll give you a ride."

"Seriously?"

Eli snorted. "It's no big deal. I mean, it's not as if I have anything better to do," he said lightly, chuckling uneasily.

"Oh my God, Eli you're the best!" Grace enthused. She turned ands grabbed a book of the shelf, and with a parting smile, turned and walked away. Eli watch Grace head to the waiting arms of her mother, who laughed and loudly congratulated Grace while ushering her to sit down to a meal. For the first time in a long time, Grace smiled and Eli felt relieved and jealous at once. He saw Jake wander over and rest his hand on Grace's shoulder, and both he and Lily looked at Grace with unabashed pride in their eyes.

Taking a slow breath, Eli turned and walked away.


	3. Chapter Three

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

**THANK YOU **for all the feedback I've received. It honestly means so much to me. And, please, after you read take two minutes to review. I'm needy.

**WARNING- **This chapter is a little slashy (that means girl/girl physical affection). It's a lot tamer than anything the heterosexual characters have gotten up to on the show (Mmm, naked Rick!) but still, if this kind of thing offends you, skip this chapter. Although why it would offend you is beyond me.

And finally, shout out to my awesome Beta Reader extraordinaire, Karen. Thanks for picking up on the little things I never do.

**Chapter Three**

"OK, this is great Karen, just one more step and your there!" Henry said enthusiastically.

"I can see that." Karen growled. Agonized, she raised her foot and took a shaky step forward. Henry fluttered near her, although not near enough for Karen's liking. Setting her foot down, Karen wobbled but to her surprise Henry was quickly by her side, gently holding her elbow.

"Nice work," He commented as Karen reached for her cane. "Pretty soon you'll be kissing the old cane goodbye."

"But until then I have to hobble around like and old man." Karen grumbled. She shuffled and took a seat on one of the hospital chairs. Growling, Karen shook her head in frustrating, her long blonde hair covering her face. _"I can't take this_." She thought despairingly.

Henry seemed to sense her mood. "Karen, you are doing a remarkable job. Truly." He sincerely said, sitting next to her. "Not many people could have recovered as strongly as you have."

"_I don't feel strong at all,"_ Karen thought miserably.

"I know what you're thinking," Henry joked. "'Bet he says that to ALL the girls' but I mean it. I've seen a lot of bad injuries, but few can come back from it as…spirited as you have." Henry opened his eyes searchingly, trying to look Karen. She obliged, turning, her pale blue eyes meeting wide brown ones.

They stayed that way for a long moment. Henry cocked his head, enraptured by the flood of emotions he could see fluttering in Karen's eyes. She was contradictory, strong yet fragile. It fascinated him.

Karen eyes' clouded and she turned away, feigning a cough. Henry ducked his head, embarrassed and feeling fifteen.

"So, got someone here for you?" he asked casually.

"Oh, my son is coming to pick me up." Karen smiled serenely. "He's leaving work early so we can make pizzas tonight."

"That sounds great."

"It is. He really has been a great help." Karen shakily stood, suddenly feeling thankful of her life's situation. If nothing else, this accident had brought her son closer to her and for that she was profoundly grateful. Taking a deep breath, she turned and faced Henry. "Thank you."

"Always a pleasure Karen Sammler." Henry said smiling widely as Karen hobbled out. He watched after her for a moment, and then smiling turned and continued his work.

* * *

"Hi girls, how was your day?" Lily asked as Grace, Jessie and Zoe trudged in.

"I'm so sick of my school," Zoe moaned, bouncing over and hugging her mom tightly around the stomach. Lily winced. "I can't wait till I'm in high school like Grace and Jessie. It's fun there right?"

"Oh yeah," Grace snorted sarcastically as she opened the fridge. "Mom, there so isn't enough food here. When are you going shopping?"

"Soon sweetie." Lily winced at the sight of the bare fridge. The last few days Lily felt like a zombie, trapped in a perpetual state of uncertainty about the right time to tell Rick. But after seeing the children moan about the lack of food made Lily determined that she would not put it off further and tell Rick tonight. "I'll go up to the shops now and buy you some snacks."

"No, its _OK_ I'll find something," Grace sighed.

"Can you get to the _'English and Arts faire'_ alright?" Lily asked.

"What? Oh yeah, Eli's giving me a lift."

"Lily?" Jessie piped up sweetly. "Can, uh, Katie sleep over tonight?" she sounded strangely hesitant.

"Sure honey," Lily said as the phone began to ring. She wandered over and said to Jessie. "It's Friday so I'm sure it'll be ok with your Dad." She picked the receiver. "Hello?"

"Lily."

"Rick, hi!" Lily smiled as her stomach clenched. "We were just talking about you."

"Well then I'm glad I didn't interrupt a riveting conversation" Rick deadpanned as Lily forced a laugh out.

"So, sorry for disturbing everyone, but I have some bad news." Rick sighed heavily. "I won't be home until late tonight. Sam is talking to Colin about some new blueprints about the possible Allen Branch project we might be doing. I have to be there, apparently."

"Oh, OK." Lily said faintly.

"I'm really sorry honey, but I promise to make it up to you." Rick said coyly. He paused. "Lil is everything OK?"

"Yeah, fine. See you tomorrow then." Lily said too casually.

"Can you put Jessie on?"

"Sure," Lily handed the receiver to Jessie. "It's your Dad."

Lily leant against the counter, pensive, as her step-daughter took the phone. She had steeled herself to tell Rick tonight and now she had to keep this a secret for another night. She had consciously avoided Rick the last few days attempting to stave of telling him. Rick had noticed but had not confronted her, merely shooting pleading faces at her every opportunity. Sighing, Lily looked at the kitchen, where Grace and Zoe were arguing over the last yogurt and wondered how on earth was she going to be able to cope with another child in the house. _"And how will the kids react,"_ she thought pityingly.

"Mom?" Zoe peered into her mother's face. "Are you OK?"

"Sure honey!" Lily said, attempting to sound enthusiastic. "Who wants some ice cream?"

* * *

Jessie frantically picked up clothes from her floor attempting to clean her attic best as possible. As she stuffed a jumper in her cupboard she didn't hear her step sister open the door behind her.

"So," Grace drawled, feeling a pleasant kick when Jessie jumped with fright. "Katie's coming over tonight."

"Yeah," Jessie shot Grace incredulous look. "So what?"

"So what?" Grace scoffed. She closed the door behind her and advanced on Jessie. "Your girlfriend is coming over, to sleep in your bed and this warrants a 'so what' from you?"

"It's not like that," Jessie retorted, unsettled by the term girlfriend. She whirled around and walked away from Grace desperate to be away from those cynical, prying eyes.

"Ok, sure whatever." Grace said scornfully, happily aware she was antagonizing Jessie. She smirked and gave into an impulse to further hurt her step sister. "It's just, Katie's older than you." She said, slowly and meaningfully. "So, maybe she has different views…on you know… certain stuff."

Jessie turned suddenly color draining from her face, completely understanding what Grace was alluding to. Grace however felt extremely satisfied that her pretty, sweet step-sister's world was being rattled.

'_I mean, I'm only doing this because it's totally unfair that she gets Katie to sleep over. She's practically manipulating Mom and Rick. Any guy that I ever liked would never be able to sleep over with me.' _

Grace was aware she was being petty. But at least Jessie could see Katie whenever she wanted. All Grace wanted was to get a glimpse of Mr. Dimitri. But he was gone. He never did tell her where.

. _"Jessie has no idea how lucky she is." _Grace thought malevolently.

Jessie began to flush. "Grace" she said her voice dangerously sweet. "I think you have this whole thing…"

"Well anyway," Grace interrupted her brusquely. "This is so totally none of my business. See you at dinner." With a smirk, Grace turned and left the room gleefully, leaving Jessie to stew in her own juices until Katie arrived.

* * *

"Your family is so cool," Katie said later that night, reclined against Jessie's bed as they listened to _Billie Holiday._

"Yeah, they're OK." Jessie, who was lying on her bed facing the ceiling, closed her eyes and attempted to become immersed in the soft, crooning voice wafting from her CD player.

"Grace kept giving me funny looks throughout dinner though," Katie said, clearly puzzled.

"She did?" Jessie asked in a worried voice, rolling onto her stomach and looking at Katie nervously. After a pregnant pause Jessie said softly. "She knows. About us."

To Jessie surprise Katie merely raised a bemused eyebrow. "She does?" she asked nonchalantly. She shrugged casually. "Huh, ok then."

"Right." Jessie frowned and turned away from Katie. She was unsettled by Katie tonight. She wanted to blame it on Grace, but it was something deeper she could not identify. It troubled her greatly.

Katie did not pick up her girlfriend's mood. "I just thought she was stressed about the _"English and Arts Faire"_" Katie said. "She's doing some sort of seminar talk thing for the English department. I don't know what her problem is," Katie made a face. "It can't be any worse than being forced to display your art in front of a whole bunch of strangers."

"Your art work is great." Jessie said softly, forcing herself to turn her full attention back on Katie. "Your work is practically the centre piece of the art exhibit. I'm sure everyone will be crowding around to get a piece of you."

"Aw, Billie!" Katie laughed, scrunching her nose in embarrassment. Suddenly feeling flushed she jumped up and removed her sweater.

Lying on her bed, Jessie watched Katie. Standing in front of her, Jessie allowed her eyes to slowly travel down Katie lithe frame, appreciatively examining Katie's curves. Underneath Katie's sweater she had another one of those tight tank tops that Katie seemed to adore. For the first time, Jessie was aware of the way her hips slowly traveled from side to side as she moved; how long legs were. Katie looked every inch a beautiful high school girl. _'A beautiful, older high school girl.'_

Katie suddenly became aware of Jessie looking directly at her. There was rawness in her gaze that Katie had never seen. Her breathe caught in her throat as she met Jessie's eyes. Almost before she could help herself, she had moved to sit next to her on the bed. Jessie eyes continued to roam Katie's frame.

Katie had always appreciated Jessie but few times had Katie allowed herself to unabashedly look at Jessie's body. Now Katie eyes wandered down Jessie's frame, from her small hips to the curve of her breasts. Feeling her heart pounding maniacally she stayed perfectly still, entranced and incapable of movement.

To Jessie, everything was feeling foreign. Her breathe was coming in short, sharp waves, and her skin tingled, begging to be touched. Her mind seemed spilt, between fear, desire and obligation. Seeing that Katie was not going to do anything, she whispered. "C'mere."

Katie gave Jessie a hopeful look before leaning in and gently kissing her. This they were both used to, as Jessie's tongue gently pressed against Katie's lips, insistent. As Katie opened her mouth Jessie began to kiss passionately, enjoying the familiar taste of Katie. Both girls deepened kiss, as Jessie lightly pushed Katie down and pinned her beneath her. Jessie was equally aware of the warmth of Katie's mouth and her bare legs touching hers. Jessie rubbed against the other's girl leg and Katie moaned into Jessie's mouth. She shifted and caressed Jessie's side with long, sweeping strokes. Breaking the kiss, Jessie gasped softly blearily aware of both Katie's hands at her sides and her mouth which was now placing kisses down her neck. Jessie rolled off Katie until they were side by side on the bed. Katie opened her mouth to say something but Jessie silenced her with a frantic kiss, her hand running over her collar bone then lower and lower until she reached Katie's breast, massaging it softly. Katie groaned in reply and brought Jessie close to her, grinding her hips against hers. Jessie felt a bolt of desire shoot through her, and she became aware for the first time of a slow, insistent throbbing at her centre. She pressed herself tighter against Katie, moving against her rhythmically. She slipped both her hands under Katie's top and slowly dragged them across Katie's soft skin until they reached her bra. At this point, Katie half moaned, half squeaked and rolled away from Jessie.

For a moment, both girls fought for breathe and tried to ignore their arousal. Forcing herself to speak Katie said "Jessie."

"What? What?" Jessie asked frantically.

"I think, I think, maybe we should slow down." Katie struggled to get the words out, fighting against the hormones coursing through her body.

Jessie's voice was small and broken. "I thought you wanted this?"

"Jess" Katie resisted the urge to stroke Jessie's face. "I do. I mean, can't you tell, I _really _want this. But I mean, who listens only to their hormones, you know, 'cause that way lead to badness." Katie realized she was rambling of Jessie's confused and slightly hurt look. "I mean." She said slowly. "I'm hoping we're going have lots of time left to…explore each other and I don't feel one hundred percent comfortable with rushing things."

Feeling humiliated, Jessie nodded and turned away from Katie. "Oh, ok I get it."

"Jess!" Katie said pleaded. She carefully wrapped her arm around Jessie. "What brought this on?"

"I don't know." Jessie said tearfully. "But you're older than me, and we've been…together a while and I just felt like I…" Jessie couldn't get the words out, so she ducked her and sniffled.

Katie felt appalled with herself. "You didn't want to do this?"

"I thought you would want to." Jessie mumbled. "But now I want to as well."

Katie held Jessie for long time, thinking. Resting her chin on Jessie's head she said softly. "Ok, well let's introduce an over the clothes only rule."

"Huh?"

"Well, we can do whatever we want, as long as it's only above the clothes." She paused and let Jessie digest this. "Is that OK? Would you want something else?"

"No, no." Jessie felt relieved but also slightly disappointed. "That's probably for the best."

"Jess."

"Yeah?"

"You never have to feel like you owe me something." She then tickled Jessie's side. Jessie squealed and batted Katie away.

"You tickled me! That is so unfair, I wasn't watching!"

"That's the best time to attack."

"Girls" Lily voice wafted from the stairs. "Time to go to bed OK."

Both girls froze. After a pause Katie said "Maybe I should sleep on the floor."

"No." Jessie said emphatically. She looked into Katie's light green eyes. "I trust you. I trust us. We'll be OK."

"Yeah," Katie beamed at Jessie. After a moment she said. "Oh my god you have to hear what happened in Modern History today!"

* * *

The Manning Manor was deathly quiet. Lily sat on her bed, quietly chewing her finger and looking at the clock. It was past midnight but Lily felt wired, impossibly aware of everything around her.

From downstairs, she heard keys in the door and then the front door shut. A few moments later she heard heavy footsteps on the stairs then a tired looking Rick entered the room.

"Lily," he said, surprised but pleased. "You're up late."

"How was the meeting?" Lily asked quickly.

"OH, I don't know," Rick said heavily as he undressed on the other side of the room. "It seemed to go well but you never know with some clients. This is a potential big deal for us, but they didn't seem too trusting. Of me in particular." Rick grumbled bitterly, clearly dwelling over almost being indicted last year. He flung himself on the bed next to Lily and covered his face with his hands. Lily tenderly stroked Rick's hair.

"Rick, honey…" Lily said hesitantly. During dinner she had made up her mind that she had to tell Rick tonight but after seeing his distress after the meeting she began to doubt herself. Rick uncovered his face and looked up into Lily's eyes. "What?"

"It's nothing."

"No, what." Rick sat up and looked at Lily. When she shook her head, Rick sighed.

"Honey, you have to tell me what's wrong." He said softly. He had noticed her pulling away from him subtly over the last few days, although he had no idea why. Initially he thought it was due to the incident with Grace's teacher but over the past month Grace had slowly returned to normal but Lily had still been distant. Coupled with the fact Rick had suspected that Lily had been sick for a time he was nervous. Now that the client meeting was momentarily over with he decided that now was as good as any time to confront Lily over what was wrong.

"Oh Rick," Lily leant against him and looked fondly into his eyes. Rick softly smiled and stroked her hair while he held Lily's gaze, silently imploring her to tell him what's wrong.

"Rick," Lily took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

Rick froze. Lily regarded him closely, seeing his eyes widen and shoulders tense. Her stomach sank.

"Wow, are you sure?" Rick finally managed.

"I haven't seen the doctor yet. But the little blue slip keeps telling me it's true." Lily joked weakly.

"Well, I" Rick seemed to be a loss of words. He couldn't think as his mind was seized with shock. Rick searched in vain to find the correct words to say._ "Funny" _a wry voice from the back of his head commented. _"I thought third time's the charm"_

"Lily this is great." He said slowly.

"Really?" Lily wasn't convinced. Rick still looked shocked, which she could understand but Lily thought she saw a seed of doubt in his carefully neutral eyes.

"It's going to be interesting to see where we're going to put it." Rick joked softly.

"Yeah." Lily suddenly didn't feel like talking about the baby. Without warning, she straddled Rick.

"Whoa!" Rick was shocked.

"I've got something that'll take our minds off this." Lily said in a coy tone, ignoring the lump in her throat and her pounding heart.

"Not that I don't want to, honey, but it's late and I'm kinda tired…"

But Lily wouldn't budge. "That's OK." She said, slowly leaning down and capturing his lips. "I'll just do the work."

A while later, Lily lay in Rick's arms. Rick smiled down at her and nibbled her ear while whispering goodnight. Lily smiled back at him, and soon she felt his breathing become slow and rhythmic. For a long moment Lily's smile froze on her face then gradually faded as she stared out her window, deeply troubled.


	4. Chapter Four

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

**THANK YOU **for all the feedback I've received. You guys are the best and I hope that you continue enjoy this story. And everyone, after you read this chapter, please, taken two minutes to review. I'm needy

**Sorry for the delay- I'm posting chapter five tomorrow. This chapter is a little more ensemble- but, ah, don't worry about the lack of j/k. I make up for it, trust me.**

**If you've forgotten the story, all five chapters are available on finally, shout out to my awesome Beta Reader extraordinaire, Karen. Thanks for picking up on the little things I never do. And loving Koala's.**

**Chapter Four**

Rick woke up slowly, lying in his bed and listening to his wife bustle around, tidying stray clothes that were lying on the floor. With a great effort, Rick pried open his eyes and stared adoringly at Lily. "Honey, come back to bed." He croaked.

"It's late."

"It's Saturday," Rick wheedled.

"We have a busy day," Lily said, ignoring Rick. "We're going up for my first check up at the hospital."

"We are?" Rick was stupefied. "I didn't know this."

"You didn't know till last night there even was a baby."

Rick smiled. "Well, that's true."

"So you won't be able to do anything with Eli and Jessie."

"That's OK. They're staying over at Karen's this weekend."

"But it's not her turn." Lily snorted. "I bet Karen will love that!"

"Hey come on." Rick chided gently. He reached out to Lily. She reluctantly walked over to Rick's side of the bed.

With shaking hands, Rick gently touched Lily's stomach. "Hey little buddy," he said softly "how you doing in there?"

Lily glanced down at Rick, who was smiling serenely at her stomach. Rick continued to massage her gently.

"They can hear us you know." His voice was full of wonder. "Babies can hear in the womb."

"I know." Lily said softly. Abruptly she turned and walked to the door.

"Where you going?" Rick asked.

"Off to the kitchen. Somebody has to make sure the children are not killing each other."

And with that she was gone.

"Hey honey." Lily said cheerily as she saw Grace sitting at the breakfast table. "What are you doing?"

"Going over my speech," Grace mumbled through a mouthful of cereal. She swallowed then continued. "It's so stupid. I like have to just pander to the principal's wishes and go on about how _wonderful _and _challenging _this year's English course has been." Grace angrily spooned another piece of cereal. "Which it so hasn't"

"But you always loved English." Lily said worriedly. Grace just shrugged and kept chewing. "And you're nominated for that Young Writers Award."

"Yeah," Grace swallowed. "I have to hand in my completed piece at the _Faire _today. It's so weird. Like, people send stuff in from all over America. Then some board of critics sits down and decides the winner." Grace shook her head bemusedly. "Still, I'm not too worried about the competition. But this speech," Grace just shook her head in disgust.

"You still haven't told me if you're new English teacher is any good." Lily asked shrewdly.

"Hi Mom!" Zoe wandered into the room and plonked herself next to Grace. Reaching for the cereal box she asked. "Can we borrow the Simpsons today?"

"You are always watching that inane show!" Grace said derisively.

"It's not INANE or anything."

"Do you even know what inane is?"

"I don't need to." Zoe snapped. She stuck her finger in Grace's face. "You always act as if you're better than it. Just because you don't understand."

"Oh please, like you're in any way smarter than me!"

"Girls!"

"I can't take this!" Grace threw her hands up in disgust and dumped her plate in the sink.

"Can't take what?" Eli meandered into the kitchen.

"Zoe and her stupid voice," Grace snapped.

"Yours is much worse." Zoe snapped back.

Lily sighed and buried her face into her hands.

Grace ignored Zoe and spoke to Eli "Remember today is…"

"_English and Art Faire_. I'm on it." Eli sighed. "When do I have to pick you up?"

"I don't have to be there until one thirty. So pick me up at quarter past."

"Done."

"Great." Grace threw one final annoyed look at her sister then stormed out of the room, almost barging straight into Rick.

"Do I smell or something?" he joked.

"No Dad." Eli teased. "If you smelt I would be the first to tell you."

Rick smiled and lightly squeezed his son's shoulder. "You have to be at your Mom's before nine. Where's Jess?"

"Oh," Lily looked up. "She's in her room with Katie. I'll just go get her."

_"I'm so relieved to be away from everyone_," Lily thought as she trudged up the stairs to Jessie's attic. _"Everything is too hectic already, I don't think I need any more surprises."_

Without thinking, Lily opened Jessie's door. She stopped short and stared in shock.

The two girls were sleeping serenely while Jessie was nestled in Katie's embrace. They were clearly holding onto each other tightly, sleeping soundly with innocent faces.

Lily first felt as if she had been sucker punched. For a moment she stood, frozen and still, her mouth gaping wordlessly, clinging onto the doorframe with nerveless fingers. Then she felt a flush creep into her face as she began to feel acutely uncomfortable, intruding on this private moment. With an inaudible gulp Lily backed out of the room silently. She closed the door then retreated down a few steps. Her mind racing, she didn't know quite what to think.

Lily considered going downstairs and telling Rick Jessie was sleeping but then she knew that Rick would soon come upstairs to wake the girls. Lily suddenly didn't want Rick to find them like that.

"Girls," Lily called from the stairs. "Girls you have to wake up. Come down for breakfast in a minute."

Lily paused, and thought she could hear panicked movement from inside the attic. But Jessie's voice sounded normal as she said "OK."

Lily turned and walked down the stairs _"See,"_ she thought. _"Everything is fine"_

As she entered the room she could hear Zoe and Grace still arguing loudly in the living room. She caught Rick's eye and they both knew nothing was completely fine. There was a baby on the way.

Karen glanced up from her briefing notes when she heard Rick's car pull into her driveway. She spotted her two children walking towards the house and she excitedly picked up her cane and hobbled to the door.

"Hey there," she said, opening the door and hugging Jessie then Eli. "Get out of the cold and come in."

All three entered the living room. "You're walking a lot better Mom." Jessie said, clearly delighted.

"Yes, well I've been told soon I won't need this cane anymore."

"What do you mean? A cane is a _fantastic _accessory." Eli grinned.

"We should hang it up on the mantle piece." Jessie teased.

"More like burn it." Karen said, swatting Jessie affectionately on the shoulder.

"What's this Mom?" Eli walked over to Karen's table.

"Oh, just some legal work. Don't pay any attention to it."

"Aren't you supposed to be recuperating? Mom!" Jessie chided.

"I'm resting," Karen said defensively. "I am! But it's so boring here honey, with nothing to do all day except to watch those ridiculous soap programs."

"Mom, we know you love them," Eli had walked into kitchen and was now munching on cornflakes.

"Haven't you had breakfast?"

"Yeah but Eli never stops eating," Jessie snorted.

"I was distracted at breakfast." Eli said coyly. "Maybe next time you shouldn't bring such a hot friend to sleep over."

"Shut up Eli," Jessie snapped.

"Eli!" Karen admonished gently. She turned and looked at Jessie who was still glowering at her brother, "Hot friend?"

"It's just Katie." Jessie muttered.

"Oh. Well, how's school?"

"Ok," Jessie expression suddenly changed to guilty.

"Honey what?"

"Oh, I just my mark back for a science assignment. I got a C+"

"Jessie!"

"I know I'm sorry." Jessie said, humiliated.

"Well, what happened?" Karen said looking concerned and disappointed.

"It was a group assignment but the other two didn't do much so I just did it myself."

"Oh honey, you have to learn that in life you can't count on other people. You have to start early and make sure everything is entirely under your control to ensure that you can't be let down by anyone else."

"I know," Jessie said sadly, unable to look in her mother's eyes.

"Oh well, next time will be better honey," Karen said, gently cupping Jessie under the chin.

"So Mom, I'm thinking I can maybe get some employee discount on some of those books you like," Eli said, deftly interrupting Jessie and Karen. "So you won't have to endure those 'ridiculous soap programs'"

Before Karen could answer, the phone rang shrilly. Eli wandered over and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hello this is Hen- I mean, this is Doctor Higgins. I'm wondering if Karen is there."

"Yeah, MOM!" Eli called. Karen looked confused and reached for her cane. "It's uh, Dr. Higgins."

Karen looked dumbstruck. "Uh, oh ok," she said weakly, catching her son's knowing look

"Wanna take it somewhere private?" Eli asked with false innocence.

"What? Oh no no," Karen hastily. "This is just for another appointment. You kids wait here," Karen grabbed the receiver and hobbled off.

Eli sat next to Jessie who was still looking downtrodden. "Can I have a look at your C?"

"What?" Jessie gave Eli a funny look.

"I just wanna see what one looks like."

"You've never seen a C?"

"A C+ is what? Slightly above average," Jessie nodded. "Then nope never seen it."

"Eli!" Jessie laughed.

Eli leaned in. "You know this Dr. Higgins." He said conspiratorially. "I think Mom likes him!"

"You serious?" Jessie began to perk up.

"Yeah, you should see the way they look at each other after their 'sessions'" Eli's grin widened. "We should totally eavesdrop."

"We can't!"

"Yeah we can! C'mon, she'd never know," he smiled wickedly then picked Jessie up with both arms while she laughed and kicked wildly.

"What's going on?" Karen hobbled back into the room, but stopped when she saw Eli swinging around a delighted Jessie.

Eli set Jessie down. "Jessie's being annoying," he grinned.

"I am not!" Jessie protested.

Karen smiled. She loved her kids.

"Just put the new arrivals on the shelves and you're pretty much done," Jake said to Eli.

"No problem." Eli said easily.

"Thanks again for coming in on a Saturday." Jake said appreciatively. "I know you were spending the morning with your mom."

"It's Ok; I have all weekend to see her." Eli grabbed a handful of books.

"And you get double the pay on the weekends!" Jake said cheerily.

"Definitely takes the edge off," Eli joked.

"Great, well I'll see you later," Jake was clearly happy with the young man. With a smile, he was off leaving Eli to finish his job.

Shelving wasn't too bad. Eli switched off altogether when he shelved books, retreating into his mind cocooning himself from the outside world. He tried to ignore the music wafting from the speakers which catered to the large amount of elderly folk that were patrons of the store.

"Oh my god, Eli?"

Eli whirled around and gaped at the girl waving over at him. Walking forward he gasped "Jennifer?"

"Hey," his ex-girlfriend said easily, giving him a friendly hug. She had changed a lot, her hair was longer, draping her face. She had gained a small amount of weight which gave her a lovely, fuller figure that looked great on her small frame. Jennifer still had the bright, elfin features that had attracted Eli during school. "My god, it's been a million years."

"Yeah, wow," Eli's smile lit up his whole face. "So where'd you say you were going?"

"Berkeley."

"How's that going for you?"

"Awesome. I'm taking arts and communication. I thought it was going to be an easy course but it's really cool and illuminating. I'm learning all sorts of means of communicating and hopefully next year I'll be able to get an advertising firm to take me on for work placement for a while if I ace my finals." Jennifer spoke so quickly Eli wondered if she ever needed to breathe. "I'm back here for the weekend to see my mom thought I'd go shopping; you know come back and see the old town. I'm definitely wanting to spend loads of money on shoes!"

"Whoa, slow down that's whole lotta information for a guy to take in!" Eli said, shaking his head in wonder.

"Oh, shut up!" Jennifer laughed playfully. "Jeeze, you haven't changed one bit." She didn't notice Eli's smile fade. "You still in a band?"

"Oh yeah. I mean, we don't practice as much as we used to," Eli spluttered as Jennifer nodded her head understandingly. "But still it's going great, it's all great. I think we're getting better."

"Cool! So this is your part time work?"

"Not exactly," Eli felt flushed with embarrassment. Jennifer looked confused. "I mean I work here, full time."

"Oh! OK." Jennifer looked uncomfortable as well. There was a pause when both youths sought for something to say. "Well, that is so great." Jennifer said brightly finally interrupting the silence. "You're looking to get into business."

"Well, yeah," Eli blustered, now unable to look her in the eye. "I'm hoping being employed here will give me the foundation for you know, bigger and better opportunities for me later on, in the future." He finished lamely while Jennifer looked sympathetically at him.

"How long you here for again?" Eli asked quickly. He felt self loathing bubble up inside him.

"Just for the weekend. I'm spending the whole time with my folks." She glanced at her watch. "I have to go meet my Mom now."

"You coming in tomorrow?"

"No, sorry," Jennifer winced. "I'm spending the morning with my family then catching a plane so I can meet up with friends at Berkeley on Tuesday. We're doing a whole lame end of semester gathering thing." Jennifer patted Eli on the arm. "But it was _really _nice seeing you again." Jennifer was backing away. "Next time I'm in Chicago I'll come by here and we can hang out."

"Sure," Eli mumbled.

"Ok, see you Eli!"

"Bye." But Jennifer was gone, a swinging door the only reminder she was here. Eli blearily looked around, at the chandelier, the old, cottage-cheese like arm-chairs and the dull murmuring off the customers. He had an incredible, unwavering desire to leave. Eli's face crumbled, and he grabbed his coat, unable to let anyone see his pain. He was sick of people's pity.

"OK, Mr. and Mrs. Sammler, I'm Doctor Parks. Why don't you sit down?" Dr. Joan Parks ushered Lily and Rick into her homely office.

"Thank you," Lily said stiffly. She shook the doctor's hand. "Lily Sammler and this is my husband Rick."

Dr. Parks smiled. "It's lovely to meet you both."

"Well, this is nicer than the rest of the hospital," Rick commented.

"I can't spend Saturday afternoons surrounded by disinfectant." Dr. Parks wryly said. She regarded Lily and Rick who were sitting nervously across from her. "Ok, this is our first appointment so I'm just going to ask you a few questions. Firstly, how many weeks are you Lily?"

"I'm not sure" Lily stammered. She cast a guilty look at Rick. "Four, five weeks."

The doctor noted Rick's shocked expression. "This is your first child, Rick?"

"No, my third." Rick said, dazed.

"My third too," Lily rushed in. Off the doctor's incredulous look, she hurried to clarify. "This is our first baby together."

"Right, fantastic." The doctor smiled. "Well, I'm thinking in a few moments I'll get out my trusty needle and administer a blood test, just to certain of conception. The results of a blood test taken today should mean that you can receive your results next week and…"

"Doctor," Lily burst out. "I have some, uh concerns."

"Mmm?"

"Well, I uh," Lily cleared her throat. "I'm old." She said bluntly. "I'm forty two going on forty three and I'm just worried about the potential, complications of having a baby at my age."

"Right," The doctor frowned. "Well, there are some risks. For instant, for a woman your age, the chance of miscarriage is almost fifty percent. The older you are, the increased chances of the baby being born with genetic defects, such as Down syndrome. We're going to have carefully examine you throughout your term which is why a blood test then ultrasounds are important as soon as possible to determine if everything is going to plan."

"Oh, ok." The doctor's words were ringing ominously in her ears. _'Miscarriage, Down syndrome?'_

Dr. Parks saw both Rick and Lily's stricken faces. "There are a lot of misconceptions about older pregnancies." The doctor said. "There are risks but the main thing is you've already passed the biggest hurdle, actual conception." She smiled. "We're going to take care of you Lily. There is no reason why this pregnancy should be any different than your previous two."

"Of course," Lily said weakly. But as the doctor looked away, both Lily and Rick shared a dubious, worried glance.

After they had finished the appointment, Rick and Lily wandered back to Lily's car. "So that went…" Rick trailed off and shook his head. He saw Lily open the car. "Lily wait."

"What?" Lily snapped.

"Are we going to talk about this?" he asked huskily. "I mean, when are we going to tell the kids?"

"I'm not sure. After the results of the blood test."

"But that's next week!"

"Why should we get them worried over nothing," Lily's voice was venomous. "After the blood test."

"Lily, when are you going to realise this is not nothing?" Rick retorted.

"Rick I'm not going to upset any one unnecessarily." She said loudly.

Rick shook his head sadly. "Oh, and I get no say in this."

"You do, but later." Lily felt guilty at his hurt face. "Rick, I"

"I'll drive," Rick said curtly, ignoring her and opening the door. Lily exhaled, feeling extremely worried.

Sam Blue strode into his office and casually flung himself on a chair next to his partner, Rick who was perched over his desk working. "Man you should've heard what I got up to last night!"

"If it has anything to do with Judy, I really do not want to know." Rick muttered not taking his eyes off his sketches.

"Hey, I would never tell you the juicy details of what Judy and I get up to. Wouldn't want to make you all jealous of the sexy single life I lead," he grinned smugly, then cocked an eye brow at Rick. "How come you're working today, it's a Saturday afternoon? I thought you'd be Lily."

"No," Rick muttered, scowling at his papers. He then sighed and looked at Sam wearily.

"Why don't you tell me whether the Allen Branch people have rung yet?"

"They haven't." Sam answered quickly. He saw the disappointment etched on Rick's face. "Whoa, don't look so concerned. Colin said everything will be fine. This is a huge company, I'm sure it's gonna take them a while to decide." Sam indicated to the drawings. "Finished the Anderson job already?"

"It's designing a back porch." Rick snorted. "Hardly difficult."

"Hey man, if the moneys coming in then I don't see what's with the worrying."

"Except…"Rick objected, but then cautioned himself from speaking. He dropped his eyes and began to pack away his things.

But Sam didn't let him off so easily, "Except what?"

"It's nothing."

"Come on Rick," Sam implored. He leaned over to look Rick in the eye. "Trouble with finances at home?"

"No, not- not at the moment." Rick admitted, unable to look Sam in the eye.

"So what's the problem?" Sam was beginning to feel worried.

"We're doing small odd jobs around and that may be ok for now, but very soon I'm going to need a bigger income and these jobs won't cut it!" Rick said, frustrated.

"Like how soon soon?" Sam asked cannily.

Rick was silent for a moment. When he spoke, it almost sounded sheepish. "In nine months."

Sam's mouth dropped open so comically that Rick couldn't help but bark out a laugh. Sam shook his head in amazement.

"Shit," he gasped.

Rick leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his bangs. "Yeah."

"I thought you were in a rut?" Sam asked, perplexed.

"We got over that," Rick muttered, embarrassed,

"Obviously," Sam smirked. "I gotta say big buddy I'm surprised. I mean, Lily isn't some fresh faced junior, she's an older, more mature, curvy and vivacious woman…"

"Sam, take your drool elsewhere." Rick interrupted wryly.

"It's surprising she's even having kids" Sam finished.

"We were shocked," Rick admitted

"So, is everyone OK with this bomb shell?" Sam asked compassionately.

"I don't know," Rick said quietly. "The kids don't know yet, and Lily is…I don't know how Lily is."

"So she hasn't talked to you about it?" Sam asked slowly.

"So?" Rick asked defensive.

Sam shifted in his seat, embarrassed. It was clear he wanted to say more but decided against it.

"Ah, communication, what man needs that anyway," he joked. "I mean, Janine and I, didn't talk for five years

Somehow, Rick didn't take any comfort in that.

Eli reclined easily on his bed, and took another drag of his joint. After meeting Jennifer in the morning he couldn't bear being at work, so he took off and relaxed on his bed, playing music and smoking. He couldn't think of anything better to do on a Saturday afternoon.

Without warning his door burst open and Grace stormed in, livid.

"What the hell are you doing?" she shrieked.

"Jeeze," Eli said as he struggled upright and winced. "Don't you knock?"

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Grace snorted. "Of course not. Well let me remind you, you were supposed to pick me up for the _English and Arts Faire _forty five minutes ago."

Eli's eyes widened. "Oh shit the Faire," he moaned. He stood up shakily. "If I can find my keys I can still drop you there."

"It doesn't matter," Grace screeched. "I've already missed delivering my speech. People were counting on me and because of _you _I let them down."

"Oh man," Eli covered his face in his hands. "I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry_," Grace repeated, incredulous. "Oh Ok, everything's fine now. Oh wait," her voice cracked with emotion. "You also forgot that this was the day that I had to submit my piece for the Young Writers competition. And now I've missed that deadline too." Tears prickled in Grace's eyes. "Do have any idea what that competition meant to me?"

"Grace," Eli said, feeling terrible.

"No!" Grace snarled. She turned her back on him. "I mean, it's my fault." She said brokenly. "I mean, I trusted you. Again." She shook her. "I mean, god knows why since you always just let me down."

"Hey come on," Eli felt the first prickle of annoyance hit him. "Maybe you missed that speech thing, but for the past week you've been whining how you don't want to do it. And if we go now, you can still hand in your piece. Come on, I'll drive," Eli tried to take Grace's arm.

Grace wrenched her arm away. "You think I'd let you _drive_?" she asked, amazed. "Are you that dumb? You're stoned."

"Hey, I said I'm sorry." Eli said sharply. "What else do you want me to do, sing it from a rooftop?"

"Maybe it would be better if you'd stop sitting on your butt and do something." Grace snapped.

Eli's narrowed his eyes. "What?" he asked tersely.

"Oh come on!" Grace scoffed. "You always do this Eli! Always make excuses then act like its ok." Grace shook her head. "Well, it's not ok. I hate that I just fall for your dumb excuses every time."

"Well, obviously you're just as dumb then," Eli said coldly.

"Don't you blame me for this!" Grace shrieked loudly.

"I'm not like you," Eli roared in frustration. Grace gaped at him, shocked. "I haven't got everything planned all neatly out," he continued angrily. "When I was seventeen I didn't know _exactly _what I wanted to do _for the rest of my life. _I mean," the anger was out of his voice now. "How am I supposed to know at nineteen where my life is headed? People aren't falling over themselves to offer me opportunities like people have been doing to you for your whole life."

"People might offer you opportunities if you weren't such a lazy, hopeless loser!" Grace snarled.

Eli flinched as if she had struck him. As soon as she saw his hurt look, she felt guilty. "Eli…" Grace said quickly.

Eli turned and sorted through his mess on the floor. After a moment he picked up a set of keys. "Take them." He said dully. "They're the keys to my dad's car. I'll tell Lily and Dad when they get back that you've gone." He shoved the keys into Grace's hands.

"Eli, I didn't mean that," Grace pleaded.

Eli ignored her and sat on the edge of his bed. Before she could say anything else, he picked up his head phones and put them on, pushing the music up to full blast.

"Eli! Eli!" Grace called but realized his music was up too loud for him to hear. Feeling worse than she did when she came in, Grace turned and slowly walked out, her mind heavy.

"So, how was the faire?" Dr Rosenfeld asked Jessie, watching her settle in for their session, which took place every Tuesday.

"It was really great!" Jessie beamed. "You should have seen Katie's exhibit, it was the main attraction. Everyone was raving about it, and Katie got all embarrassed because all these people kept telling her how fantastic her work was." Jessie smirked at the memory.

"Did you agree?"

"Of course," Jessie said without thinking. "I love everything she does!"

Rosenfeld said nothing and made sure his face stayed neutral. He caught the look of panic that momentarily flashed across Jessie's face "Does she know that?" he asked conversationally.

"Well yeah, of course," Jessie said haltingly. "She's…a really good friend."

"I know," Rosenfeld smiled. "She's had a quite an impact over the last few months. I guess your parents have also been taken in with the magnificence that is Katie?"

Jessie rolled her eyes at Rosenfeld's teasing, feeling more at ease. "They like Katie," she said slowly.

"But…"

Jessie ducked her head. She felt like a huge weight was slowly grinding her down, suffocating her. Words she so desperately wanted to say echoed in her mind yet whenever she opened her mouth her breath would whittle and die in her throat. Jessie studiously picked the lint on the couch instead of answering.

Rosenfeld noted her expression. "Jessie, whatever you're feeling, it's OK. There is nothing you can say that will be shameful or wrong." He peered at her expectantly.

For a long, agonizing moment, Jessie said nothing. When she looked up tears were brimming in her eyes.

"They can't know," she whispered.

"Then don't tell them." Rosenfeld said gently.

"It's not that simple," Jessie croaked with emotion.

"It can be." Rosenfeld said firmly. "Everyone around you cares for you and loves you, but that doesn't mean that your business is their business. There are plenty of things about your parents' lives you don't know, which is probably a good thing." His joke earned a small smile from Jessie. "The real question is, when you take everything else away how does Katie make you feel? Truly."

Jessie considered this seriously, then after a moment she smiled through her tears.

"Wonderful" she breathed.

"Then what could be wrong with that?" Rosenfeld asked sagely.

Jessie chuckled, feeling infinitely relieved she finally found someone to talk to. "It's so hard keeping this from everybody," she admitted, her voice small. "But it's also like, just having something to myself. Like," Jessie struggled to articulate her thoughts. "I like that what we have, its' only for us, that no one else has any control over it" Jessie sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not making any sense, am I?" she asked.

"No no, you're making perfect sense. You like that Katie is someone you don't have to share with your family."

"Yeah," Jessie gave a small smile.

Rosenfeld raised an eyebrow. "So it's a fun secret?"

Jessie's smile faded as she looked at Dr. Rosenfeld solemnly. "Sometimes," She said.

The next day Rick's four wheeled drive pulled into the Manning Manor. Rick turned off the ignition then looked at the window, studiously ignoring his wife.

"Are you still mad?" Lily asked, although she knew the answer.

"I don't like keeping this a secret!" Rick snapped. He rubbed his temple. "The children have a right to know."

"It's my _body _Rick," Lily hissed. "It is _my _right to tell people what is happening within it!"

Rick threw his hands up in frustration. "Ok, fine!" he grated.

"Oh please," Lily said, exasperated. "Why don't you just admit you're not happy about this baby?"

Rick seemed hurt. "What? How can you say that?"

"Because it true!" Lily insisted. "I see the way you look at me; you're walking on egg shells like everything has changed."

"We're not buying a pet, Lily!" Rick snapped. "Of course a baby changes everything."

"Well, that's why you're so worried," Lily said self-righteously.

"No, that's why you're worried, so don't you go into denial and project your own feelings onto me!" Rick snarled. After a pause he felt the anger seep from his body. "I'm sorry."

Lily swallowed hard. "No, you're right," she whispered. She stared mournfully out the window. She felt Rick place a tentative hand on her arm but she shrank back, unable to cope with contact. Rick did not bother to hide his hurt and sat back, waiting for Lily to continue. "This whole year I felt like I was the model parent," Lily said shakily. "I thought that if I was there for everyone _particularly_ Eli and Jessie, that everything can work out as a family." Lily smiled, but her eyes were brimming. "And here's the kicker," she continued, her voice shaking. "I thought everything was Ok. I made myself _believe_ everything was OK. But all the while, my step children resent me and my own daughter fell in love with her teacher." Lily's tears fell freely now. "What sort of a parent am I if I can't even see what's happening in my own daughter's life?" she asked Rick. "I wasn't there for her when she needed me, so how am I going to support her when this baby comes? And Zoe, whose birthday is soon and I haven't even _thought _about a party." Lily buried her face in her hands. "I'm not a good parent, Rick," she mumbled. "Not to my own kids not to any future kids."

"Oh Lily," Rick wrapped his arms around her and brought her close. "You're not a wonder parent, OK, and none of us are." He squeezed her reassuringly. "So stop trying to hold yourself to those standards." Lily chuckled softly and snuggled into Rick's embrace.

"Every parent makes mistakes. But the truth is, we don't know everything that goes on in our children's lives. And that," Rick's throat closed and he choked back his own tears. "And that terrifies me. The only way I stay sane is that I promise myself that I will always be there for them. To protect them. No matter how many times Karen and I stuff it up." He looked down into Lily's face. "That's what you have done with Grace and that's what we'll both do for this baby."

"But what if it's not enough?" Lily asked weakly.

"We'll make it enough," Rick said more firmly than he felt. They both paused, simultaneously fearful of their responsibility but content with their connection

"I don't feel like cooking tonight," Lily said quietly. "Want to get take out?"

"Take out would be great," Rick said, tenderly playing with Lily's hair. "I love you," he said with feeling.

"I love you too," Lily placed her lips on Rick and kissed him softly. When they were finished, she wriggled out of his embrace and opened the door. "Come inside for a moment I have to get my coat."

Wordlessly they walked to the house, hand in hand. Rick looked at his wife in awe and again wondered how he was so blessed.

Rick quietly opened the door of the kitchen and entered with Lily in tow. "I don't mind any take out as long as we get some for the kid…" he stopped so abruptly that Lily walked into him from behind.

"What's wr-" Lily's jaw dropped as she saw Jessie and Katie struggle up from their position on the couch, red faced and looking guilty.

"Oh." Lily said.


	5. Chapter Five

**Cathartic Moments**

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. For the purpose of the story, Karen is still in hospital. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

**Feedback- thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far- I've read what you have said and it means everything to me and inspires me to continue to work on this rewarding and challenging story. After you read this chapter, please take two minutes out of your time and review. I'm needy.**

And, as always, shout out to my incredible, wonderful, koala loving beta reader, Karen. Thank you so much.

**Chapter Five**

_Twenty minutes prior…_

Cautiously, Jessie ducked her head inside the kitchen door. Seeing it empty, she heaved a sigh of relief and hurried inside. "Katie, come in," she hissed.

"You know your crazy behavior is just going to make everyone more suspicious," Katie said dryly, strolling casually in. "Try and act less hyper, Billie."

"Shut up," Jessie faux growled. She saw Katie pout and she giggled, stepping forward and swiftly kissed her firmly on the mouth.

Hand in hand, both girls wandered in to the living room. "Dad?" Jessie hollered. She glanced around the empty halls, "Lily?"

"They're out," Zoe suddenly popped into view and wandered down the stairs.

Jessie dropped Katie's hand.

"Oh, ok," Jessie frowned, "Where?"

"I don't know. They said 'going out," Zoe said blithely, looking at Jessie as if it was an adequate answer.

Jessie rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Grace?"

"Studying. But I wouldn't go near her," Zoe's voice lowered. "She's being a bitch."

"Really?" Jessie said gleefully, ideas already forming in her mind. She flushed as enticing images flew by. "You've still got homework, right?"

"Yes," Zoe grumped. "It's so unfair, I'm young. School is meant to be a place where you expand your social horizons. You don't have time to finish that AND do stupid homework," she glanced at Katie. "Hey Katie."

Katie was highly amused at Zoë's outburst. "Hey."

Jessie sighed with irritation. "I know, homework sucks but you should really just go and do it."

"Why?" Zoe asked mischievously. "I want to stay here with you."

"You can't," Jessie snapped, balling her fists in frustration. Next to her, she heard Katie chuckle. Feeling greatly irked, Jessie tried a sly tactic. "I'll give you cookies."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I've got some left over from Mom, they're with vanilla icing. But only if you go up and finish ALL your homework." Jessie narrowed her eyes and sweetly said, "Now."

Zoe was not oblivious to the tension in the room. But the cookies sounded too tempting. "Ok," she said shrewdly. "I'll leave you two alone." Before Jessie could respond, Zoe whirled around and bounded up the stairs.

Jessie groaned in frustration. "I cannot believe her," she growled. She turned and eyed a still amused Katie. "And you, thinking she was funny. You were practically egging her on."

"I wasn't egging! See, no eggs," Katie made a show of examining herself. "I would have told you if I brought eggs."

Jessie shook her head bemusedly. "You are a goofball," she said, before giving into her impulses and kissing Katie.

They kissed hungrily, expressing their desire which had been forcefully repressed during school hours. However, there was something titillating and erotic about their clandestine make out session. The fact that they could be caught only seemed to fuel the younger girl's desire, leaving her torn between wanting and fear. Jessie was only beginning to accept how Katie could not only stimulate her mind, but also her body

Feeling adventurous, Jessie broke the kiss and indicated towards the couch. Katie needed no further encouragement and within moments the two of them were splayed on the couch, grasping at each other. Between kisses Jessie mumbled "we should stop," but made no attempt to follow through with her statement.

Never allowing her lips to leave Jessie's, Katie murmured. "Yes, stop," She then pulled her head away from a dazed and very flushed Jessie. "So this is me, stopping."

Jessie was still half on top of Katie, and she struggled against the still relatively new sensation of hormones crashing through her body. For a moment she remembered how derisive she was as a child of adults losing their wits in relationships. She smiled at her own naivety.

"Just one more," she whispered, leaning over and languidly kissed Katie.

So immersed she was that she didn't hear her father shut the kitchen door. It was only when she heard his voice waft from the kitchen that Jessie bolted upright, heart pounding manically and her face flushed.

She blearily saw her father's face register shock and confusion. Lily bumped into Rick, and then gaped at the two girls who were now upright, unsuccessfully trying to look normal.

"Oh," Lily said.

For a moment nothing was said as all four people wordlessly attempted to accept the situation. Jessie's breath was coming out in short, sharp bursts and her body was humming with adrenaline. But her mind felt heavy, like cement thickly congealed.

Next to her, Katie's body sagged, in an attempt to pretend she was invisible.

Lily glanced at her husband, whose mouth was still hanging open in shock. She hadn't seen anything explicit, but the expressions on Rick and Jessie's faces were enough.

"Guys, Rick and I are just going out to the Chinese shop for take out," Lily said the first thing that arrived in her addled mind. "We'll bring some back just after we get my coat from my room." She forced a wide fake smile to stretch over her face. She glanced at Rick, who had stopped gaping but was unable to look at his daughter, so he stared blankly at a wall instead. Lily reached over and manhandled Rick up the stairs, leaving a stunned Jessie and Katie alone.

Lily closed the door of their room with a thud. "Are you OK?" she asked, rushing to Rick's side.

"I don't know," Rick was sitting on the bed, his eyes still glazed with shock. "I walked in there, and for a moment it looked like they were," Rick was unable to force the words out. He shot a desperate look at Lily. "They can't have," he whispered. "There's no way."

"Oh, honey," Lily wrapped her arms around Rick, who leaned his head against her shoulder. Lily stroked Rick's hair and thought of what to say. It was painfully apparent the reality of the situation. She understood Rick's confusion, though. Until she had discovered the girls sleeping she too was completely oblivious. Lily knew that in the midst of the new baby, her discovery of Jessie and Katie that morning had completely left her mind. She considered telling Rick now, but realized it would only further agitate him.

"Well, it's possible," Lily mumbled, realizing the irony of the words. She was aware of Rick sagging even further, his hair wilting.

"I don't understand," Rick said faintly. "I thought she was dating Tad?"

"Oh, Rick," Lily continued to stroke his hair. "I think we both know Tad hasn't been in the picture for a while."

Rick lowered his head. He felt everything was moving in painful, slow motion. His body was heavy, like lead but his mind was buzzing with a thousand different voices, all different, all confusing. He shook his head, trying to dislodge them, desperate to find some way to silence them.

Lily looked at him sympathetically. She knew that he was in no state to properly deal with the situation now. "How about I go get the take out by myself and drop Katie home?" she asked gently.

"Not hungry."

"Ok, well, I'll still," Lily stuttered awkwardly, not quite sure what to say. She took a deep breath and decided to broach the subject bluntly. "You need to talk to her," Lily said.

Rick wearily looked at her for the first time, dismay and shock naked on his face. "I will. Just not quite yet."

Lily bit back her retort that was sitting on the edge of her tongue. _"It's not my right to butt in_," Lily thought, going against her natural instincts to meddle. She looked at her despondent husband and murmured "Ok."

Not trusting herself to keep silent, Lily turned and walked out of the room, leaving Rick to his thoughts.

* * *

Jessie and Katie sat on the opposite edge of the couch, too awkward to even look at each other. Both felt mortified, as dread spread over of them, dragging them down and dulling their senses. They listening numbly to the sound of the clock and with each tick the sound grew louder and louder until Katie could no longer stand it.

"Jessie," she whispered, panicked. "Jess, please, just look at me."

Katie's stomach lurched as Jessie slowly turned towards her, her face a tight, rigid mask. Her skin was pale, almost sallow, like all her color had been sucked from her face. It was only her eyes that gave her away, eyes that held embarrassment, regret, fear and anger beneath its blue surface.

Katie was horrified. "Jessie, are you OK?" she asked dumbly.

Jessie giggled. It was an odd reaction, and Katie flinched at its unnatural sound. "I can't believe this is happening." She said in a dazed, sickly sweet voice. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"I know," impulsively Katie moved towards her. Jessie unconsciously shrank back, and Katie stopped, stung. "We'll work it out," Katie continued thickly, striving to keep eye contact. She opened her eyes wide; sincere in hoping Jessie would see her optimism and be heartened. Jessie gazed at her, and nodded slowly, yet there was doubt in her eyes, doubt that Katie felt incapable of allaying. A long uncomfortable silence again stretched over the room and both girls started when Lily's bright voice broke the deadlock.

"I'm going to get dinner," she said brightly, but with a tangible undercurrent of concern. She glanced at Katie. "Katie, why don't I take you home on the way?"

Katie wanted to defy her, to stand by Jessie, to prove her loyalty. But Katie now felt horribly like an alien, an intruder that had rocked the Sammler household. She buckled under the weight of obligation and nodded a silent concurrence to leave. She stood up and walked to the door, but not before she turned to look at Jessie again. Their eyes locked and an unspoken agreement passed between them. They knew now that everything was different, and both were unsure what changes were about to occur. Katie bid Jessie a soft farewell then followed Lily out of the house.

Jessie only now felt as if she was waking up. It had been at least five minutes since the unwelcome intrusion and now Jessie wondered if it had been all a bad dream.

She dreaded her father's appearance yet desired it, yearning to discover what was to unfold. It was just so surreal; her shock slowly dissipating and replaced with a burning, buzzing panic.

Yet she kept a calm exterior even standing up and rearranging the pillows on the couch. Once she had finished, Jessie felt another presence in the room. Sighing wearily, she turned to face her father.

"Dad," Jessie said softly.

Rick nodded curtly. Father's face mirrored daughters', each trying to keep hold of emotions threatening to overwhelm them. Almost as if nothing had happened, Rick walked over to sit on the chair opposite Jessie.

"What I saw," Rick said, his voice hoarse. "Was it…" Rick struggled to get the words out. "Are you involved?"

Jessie lowered her head, the weight of the truth crushing her. The silence felt damning.

"I see." Rick's voice was neutral. "How long?"

"Three months," Jessie whispered, eyes watering.

"Oh," Rick's mouth opened and closed like a fish, and he brought a nerveless hand up to rub his forehead. The only sounds he was capable of making were choked wheezes, the impact of what his daughter was saying impossible for him to register, to fit into a box and hide away deep in his subconciousness.

Jessie looked at her father, profoundly sad at his reaction. But she knew him well enough. Without saying a word, Jessie stood up and walked out of the room, leaving her father sitting alone on the couch, reeling and still.

* * *

Karen opened her door and was stunned to see Henry. "Henry?" she said. "What, ah, what are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood visiting my niece," he answered, smiling nervously. He indicated to the living room. "May I come in?"

"Of course," Karen said and ushered him in. An awkward pause commenced.

"Can I get you anything…?"

"I know it's late…"

Both smiled, embarrassed at speaking at the same time. Henry indicated for Karen to continue.

"Don't get me wrong, Doctor Higgins…"

"After everything Karen, you can call me Henry." Henry said quietly.

"Henry." Karen allowed herself to be corrected. "I am surprised, and happy that you are here," Henry smiled warmly at her, and Karen felt a flush creep up her neck. She berated herself for her weakness. "But I would like to know, why exactly are you at my home at eight o'clock in the evening?"

"Well, as I said I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I would see how you are. Maybe we can get you off that cane."

"I see," Karen limped to the couch and sat down. Henry eagerly followed.

"Get help around here?" he asked.

"My son is basically living with me full time while I recover." Karen explained. "He visits his dad during the day sometimes but for the most part he's here, helping me out. Jessie is staying over there for a few days to compensate, but she'll be coming back at the end of the week as per our custody arrangement."

"That's good," Henry said softly. "We wouldn't want you to be lonely."

Karen smiled and looked at Henry intently. "Why don't you tell me the real reason you are here?" She asked.

Henry momentarily looked at the floor then raised his head to meet Karen's inquisitive eyes. "How inappropriate do you want me to get?"

Karen exhaled. "Henry," she sighed.

"I may be overstepping my bounds here," Henry said quickly. "But I just want to know, do you feel as if there is something between us?"

"You're right, this is overstepping your bounds," Karen commented dryly.

Henry absorbed this. He cocked his head and looked at Karen. "Would you like me to leave now?" he asked slowly.

Karen struggled against her better instincts. Her non-answer seemed to fuel Henry. "One outing," He said earnestly. "I would like to get to know you better."

"How much more of me do you want to see?" Karen snorted exasperatedly. "You saw me at my worst in that hospital."

"I don't think that was your worst, Karen," Henry replied honestly. "The woman I saw at the hospital, she was something. You're just, like some powerful force," Karen blushed with embarrassment. "It's just…you make me want to be around you," Henry continued huskily.

"Oh well," Karen's hands fluttered nervously. She felt exposed, totally thrown. A part of her felt deeply resentful that this man could challenge her, so carelessly throw her off her axis. But she also yearned to feel her world shaken up, to allow someone in again.

"One outing," Henry repeated softly.

"One outing," Karen mused. She jumped slightly at the ring of the telephone. Grasping her cane, she struggled up, but was pleased at her ability to walk almost normally. "Maybe I can squeeze in _one _outing," Karen grinned at Henry, who looked thrilled at this. He continued to watch Karen as she picked up the phone.

"Hello?" she said, still smiling warmly at Henry. Her eyes then widened in fear. "What do you mean, 'its Jessie'" she snapped, clearly worried. The look of fear seeped away and was replaced by incredulity. "Excuse me?" she snorted. She chuckled uneasily. "Are you sure you have everything-I see, no, no I'll be there straight away." She slammed the receiver down.

"Karen?" Henry asked, standing up in concern. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm sorry but I have to leave now Dr. Higgins." Karen said in a neutral, business-like tone. She grabbed her cane and her car keys and hobbled directly to the door. "Let yourself out."

Henry was stunned. He wished Karen goodnight and walked out the door into the starry night.

* * *

Lily and Karen arrived at the Manning Manor at the same time. Lily was wrestling with the take out bags as Karen approached. "Where's Rick?" Karen asked brusquely.

"_So he told her,"_ Lily thought. She gulped. "Upstairs."

Karen didn't even acknowledge her as she turned to walk away. Unable to help herself, Lily called to her "Karen!"

Karen turned slowly, her eyes a blaze with fierce defiance. It was almost as if she was willing Lily to butt in, as she drew herself up to her full height, a proud woman itching for a fight.

For the first time, Lily felt intimidated by Karen. Her words stuck in her throat. Feebly, Lily just shook her head and Karen's face subtly registered surprise and satisfaction. Without another word Karen turned and walked determinedly into the house, not using her cane at all, the only remnants of her accident was a subtle limp that didn't seem to bother her. Feeling a growing sense of dread Lily waited a few moments then followed closing the front door with a thud.

Both Zoe and Grace were waiting for her. "I'm glad you're home Mommy." Zoe said eagerly. She indicated to the bags. "Is that dinner?"

"Yes!" Lily said brightly. She walked to the kitchen as her daughters followed.

"Good I'm so hungry," Zoe said enthusiastically. Without taking a breath she asked. "Was that Jessie's Mom?"

"Mmmm hmm." Lily concentrated on unpacking the take out.

"She looked pissed." Grace commented.

"Why is she here?" Zoe asked.

"Rick and Karen just need to talk to Jessie." She noted Zoë's expression and answered her daughter's unasked question. "And no, it is none of our business and you are to leave them alone until they are finished."

"Ok," Zoe pouted. She grabbed some Hokken noodles. "Can I eat this in the living room?"

"Sure." Lily unpacked some more take out as Zoe left. She indicated to Grace. "Do you want some?"

Grace was looking at Lily now with a shrewd expression on her face. "What about Jessie?" she asked, leaning in.

"I told you it's none of our business!" Lily snapped.

"Has it anything to do with Katie?" Grace asked her curiosity piqued. Her mother's shock answered her question.

"Katie? Why would…how did you know?"

"Oh Mom! Come on," Grace groaned.

"So you know…"

"That they're dating!" Grace hissed quietly.

Lily looked at her daughter as if seeing her for the first time. "How long have you known?" she asked, her tone holding a tinge of accusation.

"For ages," Grace snorted.

"Did she tell you?" Lily asked, flummoxed.

"No, I could just read the neon fricking lights that have been blasting over her head for the last few months," Grace drawled.

Lily shook her head in confusion.

"So, are you going to help her?" Grace asked impatiently.

"Grace…"

"What?"

"It's not my place to butt in," Lily said sadly.

"Oh please Mom!" Grace snapped. "I may not believe that Jessie is some porcelain doll that must be protected at all costs but there is no way she should be alone in this."

"I want to help!" Lily protested. "I do. But for the moment, this is Rick and Karen's concern, and Jessie is their daughter…"

"Oh just listen to yourself!" Grace snapped savagely. "You sound as if Jessie has just murdered a whole bunch of people."

"I am not saying that at all!" Lily seethed, trying to keep her voice down so not to attract Zoë's attention. "Karen and Rick are trying to come to terms with this situation."

"What, that they have no idea what their daughter is really like?" Grace sneered. "That they're so shocked and disappointed their daughter could fall for a girl!" Grace took a breath then continued. "It's kinda like how some people reacted when someone fell for their English teacher."

"Oh Grace this is so not about you," Lily retorted wearily.

Grace's eyes flashed dangerously. "She shouldn't be alone. If you're such the wonderful step mother that you believe you are then you should help her." Glaring daggers at her mother, Grace grabbed a carton of take out and turned on her heels and stormed righteously away.

Lily let out a heavy sigh and cast a guilty look upstairs and wondered what was going on.


	6. Chapter Six

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

**THANKYOU: **To everyone who has reviewed. You awesome people know who you are. It means so much to me, cheesy as it sounds, but it's true. And, please, once you finish this chapter, review. I'm exceptionally needy.

Shout out to Karen, my awesome beta. Internet brownies for you.

**Chapter Six**

"Where is she, Rick?" Karen asked her ex- husband urgently.

"She's in her room." Rick reached out to Karen. "Wait, Karen. Maybe you should just take a minute and adjust to this. I don't want us to say anything that we'll regret."

"The more time we leave it the more Jessie will feel unsure and alone," Karen said curtly. "This needs strong parenting Rick, so it has to be now."

"What are you insinuating, Karen?" Rick asked softly, his voice holding a hint of anger.

Karen turned and glared at Rick suspiciously. "When you found out what did you say to her?"

"I asked how long this has been going on," Rick said defensively.

"And?" Karen asked, raising her eyebrows derisively.

Rick shuffled and sighed with frustration. He couldn't look Karen in the eye. "She then went up to her room."

Karen snorted with disgust. "I see. You ignored her because you couldn't deal with all your emotions!"

"Karen that is totally unfair."

Karen sighed and started to walk up the stairs that led to Jessie's attic. "Look Rick, you could do your whole 'active inaction' thing to me when we were married. But there is no way we are just going to _not_ deal with this when it is my daughter. We need to clear this up and set guidelines now."

Rick angrily followed Karen up the stairs. "We are _both _going to deal with _our _daughter, Karen. Don't play martyr with me."

"Oh just listen to yourself Rick!"

"No the point is you're not listening to me!"

Unbeknownst to them, Jessie could hear their voices outside her door. She shuddered as she remembered when she was a child, curled up in bed and listening to the hushed, angry voices of her parents arguing near the death throes of their marriage. Tears pricked her eyes as she grabbed her headphones and switched on her music to full blast.

"Karen, let's stop the arguing OK?" Rick hissed angrily outside Jessie door. "We need to put aside blame right now and talk to Jessie, OK?"

Karen sniffed haughtily, but nodded. She knocked on the door twice, but when they heard no answer they opened the door and after they clambered up the last flight of stairs they found their daughter lying on her back listening to music. Rick cleared his throat and waved a few times before he finally caught Jessie's attention. Sighing, Jessie switched off her music and sat up, resolutely not looking at her parents.

Rick and Karen looked at each other apprehensively, unsure where to start. Karen took a deep breath and began. "Jessie, I understand that everyone has had a huge shock tonight. But your dad and I have agreed that the sooner we get everything out in the open the better everything will be, ok? Jess?"

Jessie looked down at her bedspread, her eyes glazed and glassy.

Her skin felt feverish, slick with sweat and her entire body was pulsing with embarrassment. Words she wished to say echoed feebly but her lips were sealed shut. And she found no compulsion to pry them open.

Jessie felt, rather than saw, her parents' eyes glued to her, their intensity raising the hair on her neck. She nodded once, her neck rough and stiff, hoping they would take their prying eyes away from her.

Karen and Rick looked helplessly at each other. Each felt a myriad of emotions flooding through them, but one they knew they both shared was worry. To see their daughter in such obvious pain felt like a cold hand pressing on their heart. Karen saw doubt flicker on Rick's face and knew he was about to insist they talk about this later. Karen knew however, despite the difficulty this needed to be sorted out now.

"Honey, I understand that you're upset," Karen voice wavered slightly, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. She continued. "But we need to talk about this. You've been with her for?"

"Three months."

"I'm sorry?"

"I already told Dad, three months!" Jessie said loudly, her voice quivering with repressed anger.

"When were you going to tell us about this?"

"I don't know!" Jessie snapped angrily. She glared sullenly at her bedspread.

"So, so," Karen asked nervously. "How much, how do you, you…how much do you…care for her?" Karen asked haltingly.

Jessie squeezed her mortified eyes shut. She couldn't answer this. "This isn't any of your business," she said warily, curling up in a ball.

"Jessie, we're your parents, of course this is our business," Karen retorted shrilly.

"The thing is Jess, I can understand you not wanting to tell us. But during that time you played both Karen and I," Rick said sternly. "If we had known you and Katie…were involved then there is no way we'd have let her sleep over."

Karen flinched. She had forgotten that Katie had slept over at Rick's house a few days ago. Her stomach knotted up with dread just contemplating the possibilities. "Did she do anything to you?" she asked urgently.

Jessie looked at Karen and Rick for the first time, anger beneath unshed tears. "What?" she asked incredulously.

"Did you and her…" Karen asked even more urgently now.

Jessie looked appalled. "Mom stop!"

"No Jess look at me!" Karen almost shrieked. "Did you have sex with her?"

Jessie leapt from her bed as if it had stung her. "No, Mom, god!" she snarled.

Both Karen and Rick breathed sighs of relief. "Thank god," Karen whispered.

Jessie's face twisted angrily. "You have no right to ask me these questions!" she spat, her head throbbing to a painful beat

"We're trying to protect you!" Karen protested while Rick nodded his agreement. "Katie's older than you and…"

"Don't even say it," Jessie growled menacingly.

Both Karen and Rick were taken aback by Jessie's anger. Rick decided to take another approach.

"You're not even sixteen, Jess," Rick pleaded gently. "You're young and everything is confusing…"

"I'm sure what you're feeling now is very real, honey," Karen interrupted condescendingly. "But at fifteen you don't know how your feelings towards Katie may change."

"_If she says it's a phase I'll kill her," _Jessie thought maliciously. This was worse than she had ever imagined. She stood before her parents as her embarrassment gave way to anger. Anger that hummed through her veins; bubbling up inside her and threatening to spill.

"You can't stop us from seeing each other," Jessie growled.

Rick and Karen gave each other dubious looks. "No," Rick said hesitantly.

"We should meet Katie's parents. The four of us can discuss the situation properly then," Karen stated.

"Excuse me?" Jessie cried disbelievingly.

Karen muttered to Rick, "I think that would be for the best."

Jessie sighed with frustration. Suddenly, her anger seemed to seep away, leaving in its wake only a heavy tiredness. She couldn't be around her parents anymore. She shrugged and despondently sat down on the bed.

Rick and Karen noticed her sadness. "We love you sweetie," Rick shuffled forward and gently placed a kiss on his daughter's head. Jessie shirked away from the contact, but Rick didn't notice.

"We want to help you," Karen said gently gazing intently at her daughter.

"Fine," Jessie said dully.

A stagnant silence hung over the room. Rick and Karen stood helplessly, for the first time neither able to think of something to say.

"We'll talk about this some more tomorrow Jess," Karen said shakily walking over to Jessie. Jessie flinched away from Karen, her eyes downcast.

"Don't touch me," she said in a low, steely voice.

Karen blinked hard, her words like a slap. "I know you're upset but you shouldn't take that tone with me."

Jessie looked her mother directly, eyes brimming with exhaustion but also resolution. Setting her jaw she said angrily, "I'm listening to music now," and with that she turned and threw herself on her bed, facing away from her parents.

"Jessie, please now is not the time…" Karen began.

"Karen. Don't."

Karen turned and gaped at Rick who was wearing a determined expression on his face. "Let her be."

With shaky sighs both Karen and Rick bid their daughter goodnight. They walked out so troubled that they did not notice Jessie's shoulders shaking slightly as silent tears rolled down her face.

* * *

Rick's feet thudded into the pavement. His breath came in rasping hisses as his blood shot through his veins. He could feel his heart pounding continuously and he could feel his whole face throbbing, soggy with sweat.

But although his body was loud, his mind was silent. When Rick jogged nothing could touch him. He felt absolved from all responsibility of his life in this moment there was nothing else but trees, lawns and the continuous thud of shoe meeting cement.

It was over all too soon. Before Rick knew it, he was outside the Sammler-Manning Manor. Rick hesitated, selfishly wishing he could continue to run, to exert his body until his mind was completely quiet. But with a rueful smile, Rick headed into the house. Too many people needed him to stay.

It was late, around nine, and all the kids had gone off to school or in Eli's case, work. Lily had left for the radio station but not before kissing him in the morning and whispering "I'm here. If you want me to be."

Rick rubbed his forehead and leant against the counter. For the countless time his mind wandered to his daughter. He barely slept a wink last as his mind ruminated over every moment when he should have seen this coming.

Rick's reverie was interrupted by the shrill ring of the phone. Sighing, Rick picked up the receiver.

"Ricky Sammler why have you abandoned me so?" An amused voice boomed from the receiver.

Rick sighed irritably. "Sam."

"The office is so empty without you," Sam jauntily continued. "If you wanted to break up you should have just told me."

"I'm coming in late today, alright," Rick snapped. "Is that some crime?"

"In some countries it is," Sam quipped.

"If that were the case then you'd been hung, drawn and quartet ten times already." Rick growled.

"Hey, somebody is more snarky than usual! That was almost funny." A pause. "Is everything OK?"

The words were sitting on the edge of his tongue and impulsively Rick thought he could tell Sam. He pressed his lips together, swallowing his response. "I'm fine," Rick said instead. "I'll be in soon. Anything else?"

"There was, yeah. We got a call back from the Allen Branch project guys."

Rick's heart jumped. "And?"

"And it doesn't look good," Sam continued. "The Allen Branch voiced their concern about our capacity to design the hotels, and, ah, other major architectural firms are taking serious interest in this one."

"We have to get this job Sam."

"I think maybe…" Rick could hear Sam shift uncomfortably. "I think we should focus on smaller jobs."

"How can you say that?" Rick objected.

"Look it's the truth Rick! I know this job could be lucrative, which is important especially when you've got a kid on the way. But really…they seemed very hesitant about…both of us, and I couldn't really dissuade them. There wasn't much point trying really."

"I can't believe your shit!" Rick seethed. "This is all about the Atlantor project last year."

"Well, it was all over the news. You headed the project that left the company bankrupt and the owner charged with seven economic offences he wasn't tried for because he died of cancer! It was _the _story and people haven't forgotten about it."

"If you don't want this project then don't blame me! I was at that meeting.

They didn't like us because they weren't impressed with your casual approach."

"What approach?"

"How you've approached everything Sam. Like you just click your fingers and everything falls into place. Obviously the Allen Brach people were immune to your smooth talking. Probably because none of them were women."

"Hey," Sam yelped.

"I want this _job _Sam." Rick yelled in frustration.

"I know." Sam said quietly. "I'll ring them back, see what I can do." Sam paused. "But Rick, you got some problem, take it out on someone else next time."

And with that he hung up.

* * *

Through the throng of students mulling the halls of Upton Sinclair, Katie finally spotted Jessie. She let out a relieved sigh and hurried towards her.

"Jessie you ok?" Katie asked fervently going in for a hug. Jessie accepted the embrace reluctantly, her body stiffening under Katie's. Katie noticed this and withdrew uncomfortably. "That may be a stupid question."

"No I'm ok," Jessie said hesitantly. Standing in the hallway Jessie felt vulnerable. All around them there was eager eyes just salivating to expose them

"That ride home with Lily was the epitome of hell," Katie sighed. "She was trying to make small talk and be all cheery while I just wanted to _die_." She peered at Jessie with concern. "How was your Dad?"

"He's my Dad." Jessie said bitterly. "Mom also came over. They acted like it was ok but…" Jessie shook her head and looked away, her mind drifting back to the conversation last night.

"Jess," Katie sighed sympathetically.

"They might be talking to your parents," Jessie interrupted quickly. "I just thought I should warn you."

"My parents? What like some parent meeting?" Katie screwed her face into a picture of distaste.

"Yeah." Jessie said quietly as they lapsed into uncomfortable silence Both girls stood listening to the hum of voices and the shuffling of feet in the busy hall way. The bleating of the bell shook both girls out of their reverie.

"OK, well school time," Katie said brightly. She went to hug Jessie goodbye but this time the younger girl instinctively backed away.

"What, am I not allowed to touch you anymore?" Katie asked, hurt.

"Katie," Jessie hissed, furtively glancing around to see if anyone overheard.

"What? Nobody's listening," Katie snorted. Her eyes grew hard. "You should stop being so paranoid."

"I'm not being paranoid. I just think that during school maybe we should…"

"It's OK, I get it," Katie said sadly.

"Katie," Jessie sighed, hanging her head reproachfully. She raised a tentative hand to her.

"I'd better head off," Katie said dejectedly. She awkwardly stuck her hands in her pants.

"Ok," Jessie choked out softly.

With a rueful smile, Katie turned, her shoulders slumped and forlornly shuffled away.

Sighing miserably, Jessie turned and walked to class.

* * *

In her darkened house Karen was leafing through some files on possible new cases. She was due back at work the next week so it was imperative that she catch up on the work she missed. To the naked eye, Karen might have seemed studious as she rifled through her work but on closer inspection her eyes were glazed, staring blankly at the words that were all squished together in one indistinguishable mess.

Karen started at the knock on her door. She wearily got up, wondering who it was.

She opened the front door to find Henry beaming back at her. "Hi Karen. May I come in?"

"Uh, sure." Karen said hesitantly. Henry smiled then walked in, while giving her an appraising look.

"You look like you're walking just about normally now. You still use the cane?"

"Yes. I mean, sometimes," Karen said snippily.

Henry noticed her tone but decided to ignore it. "Well, you really don't need it anymore. Why don't we try some exercises without the cane?"

Karen body tensed as she looked at Henry skeptically. "Henry. Wait,"

Henry looked at her quizzically. "Hmm?"

"Why are you here?" Karen asked wearily.

"Straight to the point, I shouldn't expect anything else." Henry grinned sheepishly at her. "I'm here because I like you. And because of that I would like to take you out to dinner sometime," he said that in a rush, as if he had held the words in for a long time and it was a relief to release them.

"Oh, I don't know Henry," Karen said tentatively.

"Is there a problem?" Henry asked abashedly.

"Well, for one it isn't proper!" Karen retorted sternly.

"Proper! What are we, Victorian England? How are we not proper Karen?" Henry asked derisively.

"You're my physiotherapist! It's not right."

"Karen, why should that come into account at all?" Henry asked, clearly exasperated.

"Because there are boundaries. Relationships that should not be forged between people because it is foolish and inappropriate to do so." Karen's voice was raised.

Henry chuckled though his eyes held no trace of humor. "No, that just means you're stopping yourself because some people might find your relationship to be a little out of the ordinary. But really," Henry shook his head. "It doesn't make a difference what anyone else thinks." Karen snorted and walked away. Henry began to feel helpless. "And any relationship would not affect our professional one."

Karen shook her head, frustration and anger bubbling within her waiting to explode upon this unsuspecting man. "You're wrong. It does matter what other people think. And it would affect any working relationship we have." Karen paused, feeling guilty at the sight of his deflated figure. "There are lines Henry. Lines that people shouldn't cross."

Henry struggled to find words. He couldn't look at Karen when he replied. "Well, good for you. But I happen to believe that life is a whole lot messier and confusing than that. But if boundaries are all that you can ever see then…" Henry broke off, his throat dangerous scratchy. Swallowing hard he turned and walked to the door.

"Bye," Karen called out to his retreating figure.

Henry turned and gave Karen one final smile. On the surface he seemed the same Henry, laid back and easy but Karen could keenly see the pained expression hidden in his dark eyes. "See you at your next session."

Then he was gone.

* * *

The next day Jessie barreled through the corridor, a frown marring her features. Ignoring the hustle around her she was not awoken from her trance until she heard Katie shout her name.

Katie hurried up to Jessie. "Can I talk to you?" she asked surreptitiously. She indicated to an empty classroom.

Once inside, both girls breathed a subtle sigh of relief. Katie slouched against a near by desk.

"Phew," she said, trying to hide the nervousness she was feeling. "So, Jess, how you holding up."

"Fine," Jessie said unconvincingly.

"Yesterday kinda sucked didn't it?" Katie winced.

Jessie ducked her head. "It really did." She said quietly, her hold on her emotions tenuous.

"We were so stupid!" Katie muttered. "I can't believe that we were too dumb not to think we weren't going to get caught!"

Jessie could only nod. It took every inch of Jessie's resolve not to crumble in front of this concerned and caring girl.

"And now," Katie took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts. "Everything is just…" she couldn't say it. She was too afraid to voice how their relationship had changed, fearful to give the vibe between them a name. "I just want you to tell me one thing," Katie pleaded plaintively.

Jessie looked up cautiously. "Yeah?"

"I want to know how you're really feeling! Please!" Katie implored.

"I told you fine," Jessie snapped.

"But how can you be fine when I'm not!" Katie burst out, her voice cracking. Tears pricked her eyes and she didn't hold back. "I'm scared. God, everything is different. With you and with your family and I just _need_ to know if everything is going to be ok with us."

Jessie sighed as her face crumbled. She couldn't look at Katie. "I don't know," Jessie cried out, balling her fists. She too could feel tears stinging her eyes and she battled to hold them in. "I have no idea what's going to happen!" Jessie shook her head in frustration, feeling flushed with anger and fear. "I just wish…"

But the school bell would not be deterred, ringing shrilly and interrupting Jessie. Katie stared at Jessie, wide eyed, silently pleading with to continue. But Jessie's face closed down, knowing that momentarily students would be streaming through the door. She composed herself. The moment was lost.

Almost on cue the door opened and Grace entered. She stopped short at the expression on both girl's faces. Jessie tore her gaze away from Grace's compassionate but knowing eyes and fled out the door barely glancing at Katie. Katie slouched further, feeling as thought she had been slapped. She avoided Grace's eyes.

"Katie," Grace said hesitantly.

"I gotta go," Katie said sharply, fiercely grabbing her bag and heading to her art class. Grace silently took the scene in. She had heard nothing, but was certain what had been going on. Shaking her head she sat down and prepared for class


	7. Chapter Seven

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

_**Thank you for the AWESOME feedback. I appreciate it muchly. And please, I'm extremely needy, so feed my insecurities and review!**_

**This chapter is short….I'll make up for it though. The next chapter is arriving in the next few days.**

**Karen, my beta extraordinaire, you're AWESOME and you know it! ;)**

**Chapter Seven**

It was an eerily still, humid afternoon, the kind that hung over your head and made the air thick and heavy. The only noise that penetrated the silence was the sound of a SUV pulling into a driveway.

With a sigh Rick exited his car and plodded the familiar path through Karen's front yard, raising a weary arm and rapped gently on her door. Karen ushered him in with a constrained smile as both took a seat in Karen's living room. Rick was clearly uncomfortable, shifting his weight uneasily on Karen's tough wooden chair. He observed environment and wondered when exactly his ex-wife's house became so alien to him.

"So," Rick said with feigned nonchalance. "Going back to work soon?"

"Tomorrow actually," Karen replied flippantly, gazing intently at the papers strewn in front of her.

Rick frowned, irked that she continued to work while he was here. He tapped his fingers against the table impatiently. It caused Karen to look up and register Rick's annoyance. Sighing wearily she put aside her papers and took off her glasses whileperfunctorily offering Rick a drink. He declined and the two of them sat in studious silence.

"I don't know how I feel about this Karen," Rick broke the deadlock cautiously. Karen raised her eye-brows quizzically, although Rick had a feeling she knew what he was alluding to. "We're practically ambushing her when she gets home from school."

"Well," Karen sighed, searching her mind for a rational reason to justify the situation. "This is difficult and as her parents we should be there for her."

"Mm," Rick didn't have the energy to argue. He sagged in his chair wiping sweat from his brow while feeling vaguely embarrassed and guilty. It was Karen who had taken the initiative for the last few days. Her actions made Rick uncomfortable, but he was at a loss for an alternative. He could almost feel the lines on his face deepen, and grey creeping into his hair. He wasn't used to the feeling, this disquieting worry that refused to go away.

"I like what you've done with the colors," Rick said meekly, eager to silence his train of thought. "Did you change the curtains?"

"Rick, don't. The small talk is killing me." Karen said bluntly. They lapsed into silence again.

"God, are we going to talk about this at all?" Karen asked irritably.

"Well," Rick said slowly, shaking his head sadly. "What's to say? It's unbelievable."

Karen mumbled her agreement. Rick swallowed hard and continued. "I mean even with…even when you hear about, you know, gay, kids you never think, I never…it was never Jessie."

"You know what this means?" Karen asked gravely. "We're going to have to set some rules," She saw Rick look at her, a pained expression on his face. She held up a hand to justify herself. "I'm going to be supportive," she said, more confidently than she felt. "But everything has changed, Rick. And the way..."

Before Karen could finish, they heard the front door close. Both instinctively clenched, fear and trepidation making their body stiff and their hearts pound.

Jessie entered the room and immediately sensed their discomfort. It slashed at her, knowledge that she made her parents uncomfortable and embarrassed.

She did not however allow the hurt to surface on her face. To Rick and Karen, she merely looked weary.

"Hi honey," Rick said gently, a hesitant smile creeping onto his face. It reminded Jessie of a pod person.

"Why are you both here?" she asked coldly her eyes shifting from Rick to Karen.

They exchanged a panicked glance. "We just wanted to see how you were sweetie," Karen said gently.

Jessie tugged the strap of her shoulder bag angrily. "Fine," she said monotonously. She started to leave.

"Wait!" Karen called out. Jessie stopped dead in her tracks and sighed.

"We should talk some more," Karen said firmly.

Jessie pushed out an exaggerated sigh. "What more is there?" she asked, turning and facing her parents with her arms wide.

For a moment, her parents were at a loss. Then Karen took a deep breath and launched herself into the conversation. "We were hoping to meet with Katie's parents."

"What? No." Jessie said firmly.

"Excuse me?" Rick snapped, annoyed at Jessie's tone.

Jessie shot Rick a dismissive glance. "You can't do that," she said belligerently. "It's not fair on Katie. Her parents don't know about us and it's not your right to tell them."

Karen and Rick exchanged a look. "You're right," Karen said slowly, her mind ticking over. "Then in that case, for the moment we have to forbid you from going to Katie's house."

"What?" Jessie's voice was shrill.

"Just for a while Jess," Karen rushed to placate her daughter. "Since Katie's parents aren't aware that you're together then proper…precautions won't be in place."

"I cannot believe this," Jessie growled, throwing her head up to the sky. The familiar feeling of anger sprang up again, flooding her veins.

"You're trying to stop us from seeing each other," Jessie seethed, her voice hitching.

"No, no that's not it!" Rick stumbled over his words to reassure his daughter. He opened his eyes up sincerely. The look rang hollow.

"Katie is welcome here any time she wants," Karen said earnestly.

Jessie turned to glare at her mother, her entire body tense as her head pounded with rage. "Katie_ isn't_ welcomed here, Mom" she challenged her mother, her face twisting into an angry snarl.

Karen recoiled, jarred by the look of malice on her daughters' face. She opened her mouth to deny Jessie, but found herself unable to lie.

Jessie felt a savage satisfaction from the truth. She sneered then turned to leave the room.

"Have an afternoon snack," it was not a request, it was an order.

"I'm not hungry," Jessie snapped dismissively at Karen.

"Jess," Rick pleaded.

Jessie exhaled, desperate to be rid of their company. She angrily grabbed an apple from a bowl and made an exaggerated show of displaying it to Karen. Throwing her mother one last look of contempt she stormed up the stairs, not bothering to look back.

Karen and Rick stayed in stunned silence. Rick glanced at Karen through his bangs.

"Whoa," he deadpanned.

Karen buried her face in her hands. "She hates me," she mumbled, distraught.

"Karen," Rick sighed and stood up. He walked over and crouched next to his ex-wife. "Don't blame yourself," he whispered hoarsely. He placed a hand on Karen's shoulder. "We're all trying to adjust. Who would have thought Jessie, was, involved with Katie?"

It was that moment when Eli's jaw dropped. He had entered the house moments before, shutting the door quietly behind him. He did a double take, wondering if he had heard his father correctly. He saw his mother shake her head and sniffle as his dad moved to comfort her gently. It was a picture long ago he would have welcomed but now it was worrying, confirming to Eli that there was something amiss. His heart sank.

"Hey," he said, entering the kitchen unable to stand and eavesdrop any more.

Both his parents started, their faces registering fright and confusion. Rick hastily stood up and moved away from Karen.

"Eli," Karen choked. She wiped her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Slow day at Booklovers." Eli said quietly, his eyes shifting from Karen to Rick suspiciously. They tried to look innocent.

"Going upstairs," Eli said shortly, trying not to let his parents realise what he knew.

"You Ok?" Rick watched his son closely.

"Fine," Eli lied, still reeling from the revelation. He turned at walked away, keenly aware of his parents eyes on his back.

"This is weird," he mumbled. Suddenly, it all fell into place. His father; comforting his mother. The slump in his sister's shoulders and the bags under her eyes. The stilted conversation that emerged whenever Jessie was present.

"Shit," Eli closed his eyes, chastising himself for not realizing earlier. He felt a pang of sympathy for Jessie. He turned and trudged to Jessie's door, shifting hesitantly in front of it. He wanted to go in, to comfort her but he felt hopelessly inadequate. His mind was still reeling, unable to form any thoughts through the haze of denial that seized his mind. He decided that he would hinder rather than help and with a heavy sigh he turned and walked from Jessie's door. But Eli couldn't stay here. Not right now.

His parents were speaking in hushed tones when he re-entered the kitchen. They turned and looked at him, surprised.

"Going out," he said, answering their silent question.

"Where?" Rick asked.

"A music thing. I'll be back by nine," Eli shrugged on his coat and hurried out of the house, relieved to be away from the heavy, uncomfortable atmosphere inside.

* * *

The warm air washed over the viewers seated in the park. A sprinkle of fairy lights that were scattered within the trees glowed brightly as the last band for the night was wrapping up, saying their goodbye's over the warm applause from the crowd in the open-aired stage. Eli rose and stretched the cramp from his legs. He made a beeline for the bar, worming his way through the crowd and ignoring the hum of voices around him. He had spent the last hour blissfully alone, separated form the thoughts buzzing in his head. Everything was weird at home, and the strained environment was wearing him down. He wondered how Jessie was doing, but then banished her from his head, rationalizing that he wasn't going to have fun if he spent the entire evening worrying about her.

It was too late however. So immersed he was in his own thoughts that Eli didn't see the gentleman until it was too late. He accidentally knocked the man's shoulder causing him to spill his drink on the grass.

"Shit," the man cursed.

"Oh man!" Eli winced in embarrassment. "I'm so, so sorry sir. Here, let me get that." Eli reached for the empty glass in the man's hand.

"It's alright, kid." The man looked reproachfully at Eli. He cocked an eye-brow. "It was such a croc anyway. I asked for vodka and the jokers here filled my whole cup with ice. How am I gonna relieve my pain without my allotment of alcohol?"

"Uh, that won't be a problem," Eli turned to the bar tender. "Can I have rum and coke and a vodka. No ice." The bar tender smiled as Eli paid then turned to the man beside him.

He was nothing remarkable in Eli's mind. He was average height, with a small pot belly partially hidden under a green sweater. He had slicked back light brown hair flecked with grey and a lined, freckled face. It was his eyes that caught Eli's attention, small, sharp and blue that nimbly took in the young man in front of him.

"Thanks," he said gruffly, taking his drink from the bar tender. He took a sip and sighed contentedly.

"You got a name," he asked between sips.

"Yeah, hi I'm Eli." Eli replied, holding out his hand. The man shook it firmly.

"Benton." The man said easily. He leaned against the bar.

"I hope you don't mind me saying but you look a little young to be ordering vodka," Benton smirked.

"Oh, well, I," Eli stuttered. He grinned a little sheepishly. "I may be, technically, a little, younger than I look."

Benton snickered. "It'll be our little secret."

Both men grinned and took a sip of their drinks.

"You here alone Eli?"

"Well I… yeah."

"It's not the worst place for single person to spend their time. There are concerts like this every week." Benton sipped his drink with relish.

"You go to these a lot?" Eli asked.

A ghost of a smile flickered on Benton's withered face. "A few." He cleared his throat.

"So, now that we're good friends, what you think about tonight's acts?"

Eli shrugged. "For a small concert the acts aren't bad." Eli said a little reluctantly. Benton seemed to catch his tone and raised his eye-brows quizzically.

"That right?" he asked. "Speaking to a few people everyone's loved the show. But no one caught your imagination?"

"If they did I wouldn't gone straight to the bar," Eli joked, surprising himself. Benton was surprised too, he barked out a laugh.

"What about…" Benton reached in and fished out the program from his trousers. "'Virgin Atrophy' the 'next big rock group from Chicago' according to the program?"

"They're ok," Eli shrugged. 'Virgin Atrophy' was the headline act in the concert. "It's just…I dunno. Everyone is talking about how great they were. But I dunno…for like, the whole thirty minutes I was wondering how the hell they put up all these lights rather than listening to the music. I mean, you hear one angry metal group and you've heard them all."

Benton laughed and shook his head. "The whole night sounded like one big waste of time for you," he said.

"Nah, it's been pretty good actually," Eli appreciated the temporary release from his life. He fumbled in his pocket and brought out his own program. "I actually liked "Faded Star' better. They only played for like fifteen minutes but they were the only one with something original."

Benton regarded Eli, his sharp blue darting around furtively. "Huh, I see." He fished in his pockets then produced a card. "Here."

"Huh?" Eli looked at the card. "You're a talent scout?" Eli asked incredulously. He looked at Benton blankly. "You wanna hear my band?"

Benton threw back his head and laughed, his entire body shaking as laughter wracked his body. His bellows were so loud people around them stared. He sounded disconcertingly like a baboon's shrieking.

"So you play in a band," he asked, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "I'm not surprised. You have the rocker-wannabe hair."

Unconsciously Eli reached up and patted his artful coif defensively. This seemed to charm Benton more.

"No. I need an assistant. There are a lot of potential bands in Chicago and I need more staff to try and help me pick the best ones." Benton pointed to his card. "This Tuesday at 8.00 I'm having interviews. Just bring a resume and yourself and we'll see if I have a place for you."

"Are you serious?" Eli spluttered. He nodded his head eagerly. "Thank you so much sir, I mean, Benton thanks a lot!" Eli continued to gush as Benton raised his eye brows in amusement and left.

Eli shook his head, mystified and still shocked. Despite everything, a slow smile crept across his face. _"Maybe today isn't so bad after all,"_ he thought then chuckled and turned to leave the park.


	8. Chapter Eight

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

**Oh, and always, even if you think this story is reeeeeeally lame, leave a review. Please? Hey, don't make me come over there!**

**My beta, Karen, rocks, but everyone knew that already! Cheers, Karen.**

**Chapter eight**

The next evening, Karen hurried around her kitchen.

"Kids?" Karen called as she threw on a jacket. She nervously rubbed her hands together. The kitchen felt sparse and cold and plummeted further as Jessie cautiously walked through the door, looking at her mother suspiciously.

"Where are you going?" she asked quietly, eyes narrowed.

"Just going out to the office for a while," Karen said casually. She saw Jessie gaze at her intently and Karen wondered whether the lie was flashing on her face. She deceived people for a living, and now she was deceiving her child. It made her feel dirty.

"OK," Jessie said cautiously. She turned to leave.

"Wait," Karen said desperation evident in her voice. Jessie turned to face her mother, fear mingling within her cynical eyes.

Karen opened her mouth, but was mute. There was nothing she could say that wouldn't sound like a filthy, hollow lie. "Do you want me to pick up anything from the store?"

"I'm ok," Jessie said softly, her blonde tresses framing her face, making her look vulnerable and small.

Karen's throat closed as her heart beat worriedly. "I've left some casserole for you and your brother," she said breathlessly. "Just heat it up when you're hungry, ok sweetie."

Jessie shrugged casually, but she wrinkled her nose in distaste. "OK."

"Great," Karen smiled.

There was a long beat of deafening silence.

"Bye honey," Jessie nodded slightly. "I love you," Karen called plaintively.

"Ok," was Jessie's distant reply.

Sighing heavily Karen turned to find her son. He was in the living room huddled over some papers.

"Whatcha' doing?" Karen asked affectionately.

Eli jerked and spun around on his chair, eyes wide as guilt, surprise and fear flickered on his face.

"What?" he snapped.

"I'm just asking," Karen narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Eli half stood and bundled all the sheets together in his hands. Karen stared at her son, confused.

"Eli…" she said sternly.

"I said it's _nothing_. Jeeze," Eli muttered, disgusted. He didn't meet Karen's eyes, "just some extra work for Booklovers."

"Oh," Karen saw Eli clutch at his papers defensively, his face an annoyed mask. She exhaled wearily. "Well, I've left some casserole for you guys in the fridge, so make sure you heat it up." Eli nodded.

Karen looked down at her shoes. When she dragged them away her eyes shined slightly with tears.

"Eli," she said in a pained, hoarse whisper. "Just make sure Jessie eats, ok?"

Eli's face dropped, his eyes widening in unspoken alarm. He nodded slightly.

"Bye honey," Karen choked out. She leant over and awkwardly kissed Eli's cheek. She drew away. For a moment Eli thought she was going to say something else, but Karen just smiled slightly and turned and hurried towards the door. Eli released the breath he was holding as his mother left the room. Looking down at the sheets in his hand, he shook his head, feeling lost and forlorn.

* * *

"Rick, Karen it's wonderful to have you two here again," Dr. Rosenfeld said warmly, ushering them both in. Rick and Karen entered Rosenfeld's inviting office with trepidation. They both took a seat on his weathered couch, close but not touching.

"OK," Rosenfeld said warmly, plopping down on his chair. He had changed slightly since Rick and Karen last had a session with him. Grey hair flecked his beard and there were deeper lines drawn across his face but his warm brown eyes still twinkled with intelligence. "I got your phone call. Why don't you start at the beginning?"

Karen and Rick glanced at each other. Rick took a deep breath. "Well," he said hesitantly. "My wife and I were returning from, uh, the movies and we accidentally walked in our daughter and her friend, Katie," Rick gulped, "kissing."

"I see," Rosenfeld shifted in his seat then studied Rick and Karen. "This was shocking to you?"

Both Karen and Rick chuckled nervously. "Oh yeah," Rick drawled.

"Mmm," Rosenfeld chewed on the end of his glasses. "Well, have either of you ever walked in on Eli and a girlfriend?"

Rick and Karen gave each other a confused glance. "I have," Rick faltered.

"I see," Rosenfeld sighed sympathetically. "I can't imagine anything worse for a parent, walking in on intimate moments with both your kids."

"Yeah," Rick mumbled.

"I can see your discomfort at the thought of these events. How did your kids take it when you interrupted them?" Rosenfeld asked conversationally.

"Well, uh, Eli's a laid back guy," Rick stuttered, an embarrassed flush creeping up his neck. "He was pretty fine with it."

"But not Jessie?" Rosenfeld asked shrewdly.

"Well-no," Rick said slowly.

"Jessie is a great deal more sensitive than Eli," Karen butted in quickly.

"Yes, but why would Jessie react so negatively and Eli so nonchalantly?" Rosenfeld asked, looking perplexed.

Karen cocked her head and looked at Rosenfeld cynically. "I think we know why, Dr." she said with a hint of scorn in her voice.

"No really, I don't understand the distinction-…"Rosenfeld objected.

"Please!"

"What?"

"It's because it was with another girl!" Karen burst out, frustrated. Rick flinched.

"Ah!" Rosenfeld drew the word out, nodding his head in understanding. "So, everyone would've been much happier if you had walked in on Jessie with a boy?"

"No!" Karen objected hotly.

"But Jessie feels that way?" Rosenfeld asked.

Karen threw up her hands. "I don't know how Jessie is feeling," she muttered under her breath.

"Why not," Rosenfeld asked, peering at them intently.

Again, Karen and Rick glanced at each other surreptitiously. Rick shifted uncomfortably.

"Ever since the incident she's become withdrawn," Karen said urgently. "She's been unresponsive and sullen. Completely different from the child we knew."

"Yeah," Rick agreed, nodding emphatically.

"Have you talked to her?"

"We've tried." Rick sighed. "She won't say anything."

"Has anyone else in the family talked to her?"

"No, only Rick and I know."

* * *

Unbeknownst to Karen and Rick, Eli was trying to talk to Jessie at that moment. He knocked on her door cautiously. "Jess?" he asked nervously.

"What?" Eli heard Jessie's muffled irritated voice through the door.

"Can I come in?" Eli asked, holding the door knob.

He thought he heard her sigh. "Sure."

Eli entered the room to see his sister at her desk, light shining on her homework. "Still doing work?" he asked ruefully. He scratched his face nervously. "I thought you'd be talking to Katie like you usually are at this time."

Jessie's face wavered briefly with surprise. But within a moment her features were inscrutable. "No," she said defensively.

Eli nodded, sensing he wasn't going to get anything out of her on that topic. He sat down on her bed. "I'm, like, starved." Eli said. "I'm going to heat up Mom's casserole. Want some?"

"Not really," Jessie sighed.

Eli stomach turned. He swallowed hard and tried to hide his concern. "You better have some," he said warily. "Mom instructed me that she wanted it all gone and you know she'll check and nag at us both."

Jessie sighed and rolled her eyes, lookingutterly frustrated and disgusted. "I guess I should have a little," she mumbled. "I'll come down and have some later."

"Great!" Eli enthused. He stood up. "Jess?"

Jessie turned, irritated. "What?"

"If you know, you ever want to talk…" Eli trailed off uncomfortably.

Jessie stared at him motionlessly. "Why would I want to talk?" she asked blankly, panic glistening in her eyes.

"I dunno," Eli assured her quickly, his eyes darting. Jessie didn't look convinced. "Just if ever want to, I guess." Eli finished lamely, aware of how suspicious he sounded. Jessie stared at him, fear and denial naked on her face.

"I'd better go," Eli babbled. Jessie didn't seem to hear. She stared off into the distance, her eyes shining. Eli backed away from his sister, closing the door, relieved to be away from Jessie's wounded face.

Exhaling, Eli leant up against Jessie's door. Heshut his eyes in disgust. _"Stupid," _He thought savagely, rubbing his face wearily.

* * *

"So, you guys are offering the olive branch and she's not taking?" Rosenfeld asked wryly as Karen and Rick continued their session.

"It doesn't matter what we do, she just rejects ever offer we try to make to talk to her," Karen sighed. "And I'm afraid…"

"What?" Dr. Rosenfeld asked. Rick turned and looked at Karen with interest as well.

"That… she may lapse back into bad habits," Karen choked out.

"Bad habits?" Rosenfeld asked. His eyes widened with recognition. "Like with her eating?"

Rick stared at Karen with wide eyes, his concern palpable. Karen took a deep breath. "She hasn't wanted to eat the last few days," Karen admitted shakily. "And yesterday when I emptied her bin," her eyes watered. "There were apples and snacks she'd said she had eaten. But they were there." Karen's voice was thick with tears. "She hadn't touched them."

"Could she have a relapse?" Rick asked urgently.

"It's very possible," Rosenfeld said gravely. "An eating disorder can take years to recover from. Many struggle with it for the rest of their lives."

Karen let out a strangled sob while Rick's breath lodged in his throat.

"What I want to know is," Rick continued shakily. "How do we make her talk to us and how do we make sure she eats?"

"Well, I'm assuming that she was eating fine before you discovered her relationship with Katie," Rosenfeld saw Rick and Karen nod. "Ok, then it's obvious that your discovery of her relationship may have triggered a relapse."

"Obviously!" Karen snapped shrilly.

"She must not be coping somehow. Have you guys said anything to her that might have upset her?"

Rick and Karen both looked guiltily away. "No," Rick said hesitantly. "No, I don't think…"

"We've been very supportive!" Karen interrupted briskly.

"So this is just Jessie's problem?" Rosenfeld asked innocently.

"Well, I wouldn't say that?" Karen replied archly.

"But you just said you've been very supportive!" Rosenfeld objected.

"We have!" Rick snapped.

"It's just been a shock," Karen sighed.

"Why is it a shock? Jessie's almost sixteen, is she not allowed a love life?" Rosenfeld asked.

"Of course…" Rick said feeling flustered.

"Then why are you so shocked?" Rosenfeld asked with feigned ignorance. "_You don't__care_ that she has a love life?"

"Well, uh no…" Karen mumbled, her face feeling flushed.

"So, you're just upset you_ know _she has a love life?' Rosenfeld raised his voice and looked at Karen and Rick challengingly.

"It's not that!" Karen snapped. This man was infuriating. "It's not supposed to be _this _love life!"

There was a long, heavy pause as the sentence hung in the air. Karen gaped as she realized what she said. She ducked her head, ashamed and unable to look at Dr. Rosenfeld. Rick sighed and squirmed in his seat, in almost painful embarrassment.

"What sort of love life is she supposed to have?" Rosenfeld asked in a low voice, staring at Karen.

Karen took a deep breath. She glanced at Rick, but she only saw denial in his eyes. Karen set her jaw. She was sick of lies.

"A normal one," her voice was barely audible, "with a boy."

"So, she's disappointed you?"

"No!" Rick protested, shaking his head. Karen just looked at the floor.

"Karen?" Rosenfeld asked pointedly.

"She has," Karen admitted her voice small. Rick stared at her. "I mean," Karen continued. "Don't think I'm some ogre!" Karen objected, her voice hoarse. "I love her dearly, as much as I ever have, but I can't help feeling like this." Karen choked out a bitter laugh. "And I _know_ it's not her fault. But everything I had planned for her, every happiness I had envisioned has to change now. And I…resent her for it," Karen voice clogged as tears began to slide down her face. She cleared her throat and continued. "I know it's not right, and I know it's not fair. And I_hate _myself for feeling this way." Karen shook her head again, "but I can't help it," her voice cracked and she lowered her head, the truth lifting the burden off her shoulders, but leaving her sick to her stomach, despair and self-loathing churning in her gut.

Next to her Rick took a deep, shuddering breath, his eyes shining too. He looked away, the impact of the truth like a slap to his face.

"Guys, it's ok," Rosenfeld reassured them gently. "You aren't alone. Every parent has their own dreams for their kids. All we want is the best for them." Rick and Karen nodded weakly, completely in agreement.

"You're completely within your right to feel that way. But the thing is, what you are feeling is hurting Jessie," Rosenfeld stated gravely. "I think we all know how perceptive she is. Too perceptive, maybe. But she seems to be able to sense your disappointment, and she doesn't know how to react. So she is falling back to ways of non-verbal communication." He paused. "Like the eating."

The implications of that hung heavily over the room.

Rick and Karen looked pensive. After a moment Rick continued heavily. "I just want to do what's right for her. But I can't help thinking that she's making a mistake. She's in a relationship with this girl when she's too young to know herself."

"So she makes a mistake?" Rosenfeld shrugged. "Who doesn't at fifteen? But I think it's better if you two stop thinking this is some phase she'll get over." Both Rick and Karen flinched guiltily. Rosenfeld nodded, bemused that he had guessed right. "I think you should just accept who she is now and not worry about who she may be in the future."

"It's just hard," Karen admitted softly.

"Sure it is," Rosenfeld agreed. "But she's worth it."

* * *

At that exact moment, at Karen's house, Jessie tentatively snuck downstairs. Sneaking a look through the darkened hallway, she saw that Eli was no where to be found. Drawing her courage, she reached for a telephone, dialing a familiar number that now filled her with dread.

"Hello?" Mrs. Singer's voice filled the receiver.

Her stomach contracted as Jessie opened her mouth to speak. But something held her back, an intangible barrier, a barrier that snaked around her vocal cords and squeezed tight.

"Is anyone there?" Mrs. Singer's voice was confused.

Jessie slammed the receiver down. She leant up against the table, her mind buzzing and heart rattling wildly. She took a long shuddering breath and gripped the table as if her life depended on it.

**---**

**Author's note:Review Please ;)**


	9. Chapter Nine

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

The usual request: Please review. I'm attention starved. And thank you to all the wonderful people who have reviewed. You know who you are!

**Chapter Nine**

The morning was sticky and still as the students of Upton Sinclair attempted to shield themselves from the heat. Most were huddled under shade or in the long, open hallways striving to escape the sun. Katie Singer was in such a hallway, surrounded by a group of girls, all animatedly talking about a particular art class.

Katie seemed so distracted that she didn't notice Jessie skulking by her locker. She watched Katie with dismay and felt a pang of envy when she heard Katie's warm laughter waft by her.

"Jessie!" she was distracted by her old friend Marnie, who was busy trying to balance books in her tiny arms. She hurried over.

"Hey Marnie," Jessie greeted politely. "Do you want some…um…" she indicated to Marnie's books, which were balancing precariously in her arms.

"Oh no!" Marnie chirped brightly. "I'm, uh, fine, I have a whole lot of eighteenth century novelists I have to read for English." Jessie nodded sympathetically. "So, uh, I was sick last Tuesday, can I borrow your notes for Geography?"

"Sure," Jessie turned and opened her locker, momentarily rifling through her things until she found the notes in question. "Here. Just give them back before Friday, 'cause I'll need them then. Oh, and can you not go over them with any pen, or even pencil if you can help it."

"I won't let anything near it," Marnie promised. "Thanks Jess, I knew I could count on you." With a bright smile Marnie turned to leave.

"Wait," Jessie protested. Marnie turned to look at her, perplexed. "We should do something," Jessie continued sweetly.

"You serious?" Marnie asked. "I mean, sure!" She noticed Jessie looked a little miffed by her reaction. "Oh, it's nothing. I guess I'm just surprised!"

"Why?"

"Well, I mean, you've been hanging around Katie Singer so much I thought you wouldn't have time for us," Marnie said, her tone slightly resentful.

"I know," Jessie admitted. "I'm sorry; I guess I've been kinda obsessed." She rolled her eyes facetiously, "how about this Friday?"

"Sure, cool!" Marnie grinned cheerfully. "See you," her eyes widened at someone behind Jessie, but before Jessie could respond she had scuttled away.

"Somebody doesn't like me," Katie's wry voice commented.

Jessie sighed and turned around.

To the casual eye Katie may have seen normal. But her smile was plastered on her face, stuck on pale, pasty skin. Her limp hair clung to her shoulders, and her eyes were missing of its usual mischievous spark.

Jessie looked away. "That's just Marnie." She muttered. "She's always just hated popular people on principle. Like, she doesn't even get to know them; she just believes they aren't worth her time or something."

"Oh," Katie looked a little bemused. "Well, that's interesting, life- style wise."

Jessie gave a stagnant chuckle. Both girls stood awkwardly.

"You didn't come say hello," Katie said, her voice not disguising a sulking pout.

"You seemed pretty busy," Jessie pointed out evenly, "with all your friends. I didn't want to interrupt."

"No matter what I'm doing, coming to say hello wouldn't be an interruption," Katie's tone was ominously light.

"Well, I didn't want to be rude," Jessie countered, keeping a saccharine sweetness to her voice. She turned her back on Katie and played with her locker combination.

"So, I'm thinking maybe I should see you, sometime."

"Oh. Ok," Jessie said cautiously.

"Like maybe this Friday?" Katie asked warily.

Jessie sighed "I would but I just promised Marnie that I would hang with some of old friends."

Katie's mouth hardened. Jessie sensed this, and turned and threw up her hands, exasperatedly. "What?"

"Ok, not only are we going to pretend nothing happened, now you're actively avoiding me!" Katie accused.

"What?" Jessie spluttered. "I'm seeing an old friend who I have been neglecting since becoming…friends with certain people! Why are you getting angry at me?"

"So, that's what we are? Friends," Katie asked bitterly.

"Is now really the right time to be talking about this?" Jessie whispered urgently, stepping close to Katie. Katie rolled her eyes.

"Knowing you, it'll never be a great time to talk about it," Katie sniped sullenly.

"Oh, ok, thanks!" Jessie reeled, as if Katie has slapped her. She stuffed some books in her bag. "If that's the way you feel, maybe I won't talk about it then." Jessie shut the locker with a bang and began to leave.

Katie followed her. "Jessie! Jess." Jessie stopped and sighed, whirling around and angrily glaring at the floor, not daring to drag her eyes to meet Katie's for fear tears would spill. "I don't care what time it is," Katie hissed. "I just need to talk to you. I don't understand why you won't! God Jessie!"

"Tell me when," Jessie said dully, her lips quivering. She bit her lower lip hard, feeling a spike of pain as teeth sunk into flesh.

Katie glared at Jessie with consternation, too frustrated to care about her obvious suffering. "At lunch. Meet me at my car."

"Ok."

"Ok."

But it wasn't.

* * *

Over at the other side of Chicago, an anxious Eli sat restlessly in his chair in the waiting room of "Light Ldt". The room itself was uninspiring, a sparse environment with harsh white lights displaying the ugly grey peeling paint on the walls for all to see. Next to him sat three twenty-something people, dressed in formal attire, all continuously flipping through papers. He caught the eye of one girl, and he smiled weakly, in an attempt to allay the fear that seized his body. She gave him a nervous smile then her eyes flickered down to her magazine, dismissing him.

"Ok, next." Benton stuck his head out as a woman walked out of the interview room. Benton's eyes rested on Eli. If he recognised him, he didn't show it.

"Hey Benton," Eli said nervously, sticking his hand out.

"Hello," Benton grabbed his resume and made a show of reading it. "Eli. Come inside my office."

Benton's office was in the same drab vein as the rest of the building. It was small and cramped, with papers over crowding the tired silver cabinets that were shoved against the wall. An ominous large, leather chair was placed behind a huge wooden desk. A few feet away a small chair was seated near the middle of the room. Benton indicated that was where Eli was to sit.

Eli shuffled and sat down gingerly. Benton took his seat and proceeded to gaze at Eli's resume.

"Excuse me. Ah excuse me sir," Eli stuttered. Benton barely glanced up. "I'm sorry but I don't exactly know, er, what this job is. I mean, I'm glad to be here and everything…" Eli trailed off when it became apparent Benton wasn't listening.

"Right," Benton said after a moment, pursing his lips and taking his eyes away from the document. His disapproval suckered Eli like a punch.

"OK, well my job is to distinguish talent. Raw tangible talent. Or at least, that X- factor that will likely guarantee stardom," Benton's mouth twitched, as if he found this thought amusing. "My firm, "Light Ltd", then manages for gigs in the greater Chicago area and if they're lucky through me they can land themselves a really big gig with a company like Sony."

"Wow," Eli gaped, mouth hanging open.

"Yes, it can seem that way when you hold young people's dreams in your hands," Benton replied loftily. "So, I want to know, young man, what skills YOU can offer ME."

"Well," Eli mumbled nervously. He cursed himself silently as he struggled to remember his prepared answers. "If I love something I'm willing to work hard. Like, I work at this place, er, Booklovers and I'm always on time and everything."

"You love books?" Benton asked politely.

"Yeah. Sometimes. Uh, you know, it obviously depends on the uh, _book _reading material."

"I see," Benton said neutrally, loudly clearing his throat. "And you have no formal training in music?"

Eli sunk visibly in his seat, feeling inevitability of rejection. "No."

"Nothing at all?" Benton asked, eyebrows raised.

"No. I mean unless you count, like seven years playing lead guitar and you know, writing lyrics in a band. But I do love music!" Eli tried to be upbeat, but even to his ears it sounded feeble.

The look on Benton's face was inscrutable. "Ok, let's move on. So, what would you say is your greatest weak point?"

Eli felt humiliated as his heart sank. _'Here we go again.' _"Uh…"

* * *

Jessie was waiting by Katie's car as the owner in question met her. "Hey," Jessie said quietly.

"Hey," Katie replied stiffly.

They both stood powerlessly as another awkward silence commenced.

"Look, I didn't come here to listening to the cool wind blow," Katie said snidely, breaking the emptiness belligerently. Jessie withdrew from her quietly, wrapping her arms tightly around her. Katie sucked in an angry breath. "I don't know where to begin," she sighed and looked at Jessie seriously. "Jess, am I even part of your life now?"

"Yes! Of_ course _you are!" Jessie replied softly.

"Then how come you haven't talked to me at all for the last week!" Katie accused.

"Oh come on!" Jessie hissed, irritated at Katie's tone. "It's is not as if you've been talking to me."

"Yes I have! Who came up to you in the hall way?"

"You're accusing me of not talking to you when you haven't rung at all the last week."

"Haven't _rung _of course I haven't rung," Katie snorted incredulously. "How can I ever ring your house again?"

"What is wrong with my _house_?"

"God, I have no idea how your family thinks of me!" Katie wailed shrilly. "I have no idea what YOU think of me now."

"What?" Jessie breathed, mouth hanging agape. Her heart was clanging like a bell in her chest.

"Jessie!" Katie sighed. She shook her head, obviously in turmoil. "It's…I've been thinking and…what am I to you?"

"Katie!" Jessie said desperately. Her breath quickened. "You mean so much to me."

"I dunno," Katie choked out, her lips quivering as tears began to dribble down her cheek. "The last week, I've felt as if you, like, HATE me or something."

"No!" Jessie breathed, aghast.

"I can't help it!" Katie protested weakly. Impulsively, she stepped towards Jessie, needing contact. Jessie's arms slipped around her. "After everything now, I just don't know…if I fit."

"You fit," Jessie breathed softly, eyes flittering downwards. Katie cocked her head and her gazed dropped to Jessie's lips, staring at them in a stunned stupor. Both began leaning in, drawn to the same comfort. They felt warm breath's tickle their lips when a large clang jerked them from moment. Someone over at the oval had dislodged a small aluminum rubbish bin and thrown in against a wall. They heard kids laughing at the sight.

As if she was stung, Jessie pulled back. Katie let her arms fall limply by her sides.

"Jess." She snapped.

"What?" Jessie retorted.

"Why did you just…"

"Katie!" Jessie said heatedly. "It's bad enough that my family knows I don't want the rest of the school to know that we're…"

"What?" Katie asked, self-righteous anger beginning to bubble in her veins.

"You know…" Jessie sighed.

Katie stared at Jessie for a long moment. Her face was inscrutable, like marble, but as seconds ticked by her façade crumbled and her eyes filled with a terrifying resigned sadness. Katie pursed her lips, as if tasting something very unpleasant.

"No, I don't," she said finally. She shot Jessie a baleful look before turning sharply on her heel and walking away.

"Katie!" Jessie begged.

But the older girl would not be stopped.

* * *

"I got you some of your favorite berry ice cream!" Lily coaxed Zoe gently just after the young girl had been dropped to the Manning Manor by Jake.

"It's ok, I'll have an apple." Zoe said simply, wandering over and grabbing the fruit in question.

Lily surveyed her daughter closely. "So," she said brightly, trying to please the kid. "Somebody's birthday's coming up," Lily rubbed her hands together eagerly, "I feel a party coming!"

"Huh?" Zoe turned around and looked at Lily dubiously. "You're throwing a party?"

"I don't know," Lily said playfully. "Do you want one?"

"I dunno," Zoe said nonchalantly, peeling the sticker off the apple. "I thought you'd forgotten."

"Forgotten!" Lily gaped, her hand flying to her chest. "How could I forget your birthday?"

"Mom! We're home," Grace's voice called out. She and a miserable looking Jessie entered.

"Hi guys," Lily said, still reeling from the last conversation.

"I'm going up to my room," Jessie said softly.

"Oh, ok," Lily said, narrowing her eyes. "I've got some raspberry ice cream for a snack."

"I'll have it later," Jessie said politely. Within a moment she was gone.

Grace watched Jessie go with a shrewd expression on her face. She was jolted when her mother waved an envelope in front of her.

"Honey!" Lily said excitedly. "Look it's from the 'Young Writers Competition!'

"Really?" Grace yelped, grabbing the envelope from Lily's hands.

"Go on open it!" Lily encouraged eagerly.

"Oh, I would but…homework," Grace stalled. "There's no rush! I'll look at it after dinner." Grace smiled, hoping she looked excited. As usual, Lily was fooled. She bobbled her head in agreement. Grace indicated to the fridge. "Didn't you say something about raspberry ice cream?"

"I did!" Lily practically bounced off. She threw the fridge open and enthusiastically gave the ice cream to Grace.

Within a moment a surly Eli jerked the kitchen door open. "Eli!" Lily greeted him. "Want some ice cream?"

"No." He muttered.

"What's your problem?" Grace asked rudely.

Eli glowered at her. "Nothing. There's nothing," he mumbled bitterly. Feeling utterly inadequate and ashamed he angrily avoided eye contact with anyone. Shoving his hands in his pockets Eli tried to forget the ordeal he just experienced. _'Why bother if I know I'll never be good enough.'_

"Eli are you sure you're ok?" Lily asked, noticing his demeanor.

"Fine," was his terse reply, "I'm just grabbing some stuff from my room. I'm staying with Mom tonight." And with that he strode off.

"I'd better go," Grace said, discarded her empty bowl in sink. She breezed past Lily with the envelope firmly pressed against her chest.

"Oh." Lily said to their retreating figures. She steeled herself to address her youngest daughter. "Now what was this about…?"

But when Lily turned, Zoe had gone.

"Ok," Lily said dryly to the empty room. "Nice to know there are people to talk to in this house!" Lily glanced down at her stomach. "I guess it's just you and me little guy."

And that thought made Lily smile with delight

* * *

Grace stood by the entrance of Eli's room, a feeling of trepidation settling over her. With a shaky hand she knocked quietly on Eli's door. There wasn't an answer and Grace grew annoyed when she heard the faint strumming of a guitar. Setting her jaw tightly, she wrenched open his door and found Eli sprawled on his bed, his guitar in his lap and a churlish look on his face.

"Weren't you supposed to be packing for your mom's?" Grace asked irritably.  
Eli raised his head, looking confused and affronted. That passed quickly and he stared at Grace with unabashed annoyance.

"I'm going to do it in a sec," he snapped, then ignored her and continued to play.

Grace folded her arms and shifted her weight from foot to foot, unsure how to proceed. "I just wanted to see how you were," she started cautiously.

Eli grunted and continued to strum his guitar. He could sense Grace's disapproval, wafting towards him in waves, increasing his ire. He just couldn't bear to look at her, the very picture of smug elitism.

Grace caught the look on his face and felt hurt. "You're still mad at me?" she said feeling a little nettled.

Eli glanced up irritably. "Mad about what?"

"That fight we had!" Grace insisted, "about the faire."

"What?" Eli said peevishly. "Oh. You still on about that?"

"Well, I was coming to apologize but obviously you're not in the mood." Grace sneered, feeling righteous anger pulse through her veins.

Eli shrugged, unconcerned, his mouth a hard line. "That's about right."

"I can't believe you!" Grace sighed angrily.

Eli glared daggers at her. "I'm not mad about that, OK. Leave it."

"Oh, I'm sorry, forgive me for existing," Grace said snidely. She crossed her arms "What are you upset about?"

"God," Eli growled, discarding his guitar and rising from his bed. "I told you to leave it, OK. It's none of your business." He stalked around his room and gathered some clothes to together for his weekend with Karen. Grace reeled momentarily, but her eyes clouded as she glared indignantly.

"Fine by me," she spat nastily, throwing him a look of contempt. She turned on her heels and slammed the door shut. Eli glared after her, feeling anger hum through his veins. Unhappily, he continued to pack.

* * *

The Manning Manor was eerily silent for a Monday afternoon. Zoe had flittered in and out of the room before leaving for a friend's house, Eli had come and gone with nary a word and Jessie and Grace seemed cocooned in their respective rooms, not even the prospect of ice cream and _The View_ marathon enough to lure them away from their cubby holes. One would be forgiven to think the Manor was completely deserted if not for Lily sprawled on the couch morosely eating potato chips. Every now and then she would drag her attention away from Star Jones favorite recipes to glance surreptitiously in the direction of Zoe and Jessie's rooms. Sighing helplessly she stared at the television where a "special" guest was presenting the watch words of parenting: discipline, encouragement, and of course, communication.

Lily unhappily shoved a potato crisp in her mouth.

She was actually relieved when the phone rang. Wearily rising, Lily padded over and answered, "hello?"

"Lily?"

"Rick, hi."

"Hey," Rick's voice sounded fatigued over the phone, and Lily frowned, little crinkles appearing between her eye brows. He continued. "I'm so sorry, but I have to stay back at work. We have to come up with some preliminary designs, and Colin is not backing off."

"What is up with you and horrible bosses?" Lily asked playfully, disappointment belying her words.

"Colin is a cake work compared Mr. Maniacal," Rick quipped tiredly. Lily smirked, her mind flashing back to Miles Drenthal.

"Ok, well I'll set the table for one less," Lily said, attempting to sound enthused but falling flat. She shot a concerned look up the stairs.

"Rick," Lily sighed. "I'm a little worried about Jessie."

"What? What's wrong?" Rick's voice was alive with urgency now.

"No- it's nothing, you know," Lily continued lamely. "She's just so miserable."

Rick's voice was barely audible. "I know."

"Well, what are we going to do about it?" Lily said insistently.

"I don't know what else to do about it," Rick retorted irritably. "Karen and I have talked to her, reassured her, but I think," Lily heard him clear his throat uncomfortably. "I think maybe she needs time."

"What, more time to freak out?" Lily sniffed self righteously.

"Lily, please," Rick said warningly.

"Well I'm sorry, I just think you have a daughter who is miserable and who needs her parents," Lily hissed, frustration that simmered within her beginning to boil.

"Oh, Lily don't even start," Rick's voice shook with anger. "You have no right to judge! And you know it."

Lily blanched at his tone, as chagrinned flush burning her cheeks. "I know," she admitted ruefully. "I'm worried, that's all."

"I know," Rick's voice was to back to his usual soft, gentle keel. "I wish I could be home to see her, but I," Lily's breath lodged in her throat. Rick sounded so sad. "Just, please at dinner, make…please make sure she eats."

"Rick," Lily gasped, aghast. "Of course," Lily glanced frantically up the stairs. "Is she…is it happening again?"

"Lily, please," Rick begged, his voice catching.

"Ok," Lily whispered. "I promise."

* * *

Dinner was a subdued affair. Zoe insisted on talking and eating simultaneously on the phone while Jessie sat and morosely stared at her plate, picking at her food only when Lily would nag her. Even Grace seemed leery, shoveling her food down while nary giving Lily a glance.

With considerable trepidation Lily climbed the stairs towards Jessie's attic. Zoe was too busy on the phone to ask about her problems and it had been over a week since Lily and Rick had discovered Jessie and Katie. Lily felt hesitant about talking to Jessie, considering how her discussions with her step-daughter had panned out in the past. However, she steeled herself, unable to put off the inevitable.

Jessie was seated at her desk, the wispy blue material that covered her bed almost obscuring her from view. Her room, as always, was messy. Jessie was a lot of things, but tidy was not one of them.

"Jessie?" Lily asked gently. Her step daughter turned with a resigned look upon her face, fully deducing what Lily's intentions were.

"Can I sit?" Lily asked, indicating the bed.

Jessie shrugged. "Sure."

"I just want to say…" Lily trailed off. She actually didn't know what to say. She had of course had a nasty shock when she mistook Grace's orientation and she grimaced at the thought of how ignorant and bigoted she had acted. Thankfully, it was only shock that made Lily act that way and Grace was none the wiser. Jessie wasn't as lucky.

"Honey, I'm not here to lecture you, or say you've done anything wrong. I am here to say that I've been watching you the last few days. And I know the way your dad has acted…is very upsetting." Lily searched Jessie's face for a reaction, but her expression was inscrutable. Gamely, Lily continued. "And I'm sorry for the way he's acted. But I want you to remember that your dad loves you very much," Jessie's eyebrows shot up cynically but she didn't comment. "And that he's adjusting. Poorly," Lily tried to engage the young girl. "Well, I think we both know how your dad reacts when faced with unseen situations."

Jessie snorted in agreement then studiously studied her table, not trusting herself to speak.

"And your mom, well she's also adjusting but the thing is, I know they both love you very much," Lily took a deep breath. "And I love you very much."

Jessie head jerked up as she looked at Lily in shock. Jessie bit her lip to stop it from quivering and gripped the table fiercely.

It took supreme effort, but Lily refrained from taking the girl in her arms. Jessie's body was like a steel trap, and Lily knew from experience she could snap at any moment.

She was more like her father than anyone had ever imagined.

"And I know that I'm not your mother or anything but I am a part of your family and I'm here for you. Anytime. And…" Lily took a deep breath. "And despite what you think, my house is always open to Katie. Or any one else you choose to care about."

"MOM!" Zoë's voice pierced the air.

"Just a minute, sweetie," Lily called, feeling irritated. She turned to Jessie who was sitting still, her eyes glazed over.

"Jessie," Lily said eagerly.

"Mom, I think I broke the phone!"

"Just ah," Lily's mind was blank as she attempted to think of something to say.

"It's ok," Jessie said, sensing Lily's struggle. "You better see what it is."

"I should." Lily reached out to hug Jessie but hesitated, scared to broach a boundary that had existed ever since she'd known her step-daughter. Lily settled for a soft reassuring squeeze of Jessie's shoulder. Jessie continued to look down at the floor.

Lily felt there was nothing else to say, so with a heavy tread she walked to the door.

"Lily," Jessie's voice stopped her.

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

* * *

A gentle knock interrupted Grace, who was absent mindedly throwing a soccer ball in the air as she reclined on her bed. Scrambling upright, she hid the ball and grabbed a book on her bed side table, "come in."

The door hesitantly opened. Jessie peeked inside then immediately looked contrite. "Sorry. You're busy." She made to leave.

"Wait," Grace said quickly. Jessie turned. "I'm not. Just pretending in case Mom chooses to barge in."

"Oh," a ghost of a smile played on Jessie's lips. "I wouldn't worry. She's downstairs with Zoe. Phone Debacle."

"Figures," Grace said rolling her eyes at her sisters' incompetence. "Come in."

With considerable unease Jessie entered the room. She sat on the bed with Grace, keeping a wide buffer between them.

"So," Grace drawled, trying to allay the discomfort that was radiating off Jessie.

"Grace," Jessie whispered.

"Yeah?"

A look of yearning flittered over Jessie's face but as quickly as it arrived Jessie caught herself, eyes darkening, as if furious with her display of emotion

"I'm sorry," Jessie managed, picking at her sleeve. "I shouldn't…I should go."

Impulsively Grace grabbed Jessie's arm. Jessie tensed at the intrusion and stared at Grace, shocked.

"It's Katie." Grace stated bluntly.

Jessie looked at Grace long and hard for a moment, mistrust and hope mingling on her face. Her eyes then flickered as Jessie drew a ragged breath and set her jaw, steeling herself.

"I just thought you would understand." Jessie said softly.

"Yeah," Grace shuffled and made room for Jessie. Almost against her will, Jessie sat down.

Grace studied her downtrodden companion. It struck Grace as ironic that their only connection was their convoluted love lives. It rankled her that Jessie still looked perfect when she cried, but her tears meant that she had been hurt. And pain caused by love was something Grace was used to.

"What happened?" Grace asked gently.

Jessie chuckled bleakly. "We fought at lunch today. Again. Ever since we were caught…" Jessie looked up at the ceiling. "Everything has changed." Her voice was choked, tense with wound emotion. "You should see the way they look at me," Jessie squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head in dismay.

"Like you've done something wrong?" Grace said quietly, feeling her pain keenly.

Jessie sniffled in agreement then looked down at the bed sheet. "And now…I don't know what I feel. And Katie is asking all these questions and it's like, I can't answer, so why are you asking them?" Jessie said shrilly, her desperation now tangible. "And for a whole week I couldn't think straight but now Katie might leave m-me all I can think of is her."

"Oh," Grace said softly.

Jessie felt faint as her world threatened to spin. Clenching her eyes shut she muttered,

"How did it, was it…different for you?"

Grace sighed as annoyance bubbled up inside. She drew a breath to rebuff Jessie, but once she set her gaze on Jessie's forlorn figure she bit back the retort that was sizzling on her tongue. "I don't know." Grace said instead, reaching into the recesses of her mind. "I'm not sure if it's possible…to compare. For a long time it just hurt," Grace grimaced then continued resentfully. "The thing is…for ages I thought love was this beautiful thing, but when he- when he left, it all changed. The way I felt…it turned into this like, gross, weird, sickness. It was like, every minute I would see something that would reminded me of what he said or how he smelt. Which just made everything…hurt more."

Next to her Jessie sucked in an inaudible breath.

Grace sighed as a thoughtful expression settled on her face. "But after a while other stuff kept happened like school, home, this competition and I just started to stop… thinking about him I mean." Grace shrugged, a sliver of pain still evident in her eyes. "Until I realized I wasn't thinking about him at all anymore. There's so much stuff going on in my life that I didn't have time to remember him. And when I realized that was ok…it started to hurt… less."

Grace looked down at her hands. "And that's how I feel now. And I'm sorry but I can't tell you what to do with Katie because…I'm not you. I don't know how you feel, only you know that."

A sickening wave of bitter resignation hit Grace as she stared at Jessie. "But at least you have a choice," she choked.

"Grace," Jessie reached out and compassionately squeezed Grace's shoulders. Grace shut her eyes tight and tried to fight the wave of nausea swirling in her gut.

"It's ok, it's ok," she mumbled, wiping her eyes. She couldn't be this vulnerable around Jessie. "Ugh, I'm being sappy. Just ignore me. God," She sighed, disgusted with herself.

Both girls sat in mutual, pained silence.

"Hey what's that?" Jessie asked finally, eager for a distraction

"That!" Grace jumped up and grabbed the item of the desk. "Oh this…this is."

Grace momentarily panicked, attempting to find an adequate lie. It was so very tiring.

"This is the response by the 'Young Writers Competition.'" Grace said nonchalantly. "I made it past the first round of elimination…I mean, it's not a big thing, there's still, like fifteen other competitors and everything left," Grace finished modestly.

"Oh my god," Jessie pulled herself from her stupor. She smiled a happy, albeit soggy smile. "I didn't even know you met the application date. I heard about that thing with Eli."Jessie grinned encouragingly, "You could actually win this thing."

"No I won't," Grace countered quietly.

"W-what," Jessie stumbled. She looked uncomfortable. "You don't know that."

"Yeah I do," Grace chuckled regretfully. "You know, the funny thing is, with that fightwith Eli I got so mad at him but really, I was the one who stuffed up."

"What?"

Grace muttered bitterly. "I was scared of showing myself to these people. I didn't want them reading about my life. So, instead of sending my best piece, the piece about," Grace struggled to force out his name. "Mr. Dimitri. I sent in another one of my works, even though I knew it was inferior."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Grace breathed bashfully. She looked down. "I was stupid. Stupid for thinking I was no longer afraid of anything. "

Jessie sat, immobile, and let Grace's words wash over her.

"You know the thing about Mr. Dimitri was; he was so bitter because he had wasted his life. He kept looking at his past failures that he didn't realize that he still had time to rectify them." Grace was now speaking as if Jessie was not in the room. "I'm not like him. I've got plenty of chances. So I guess," Grace chuckled. "I'm lucky."

Jessie stared at Grace, her mind ruminating over what she had said. "I think you are."

Grace snorted as her lips twisted into a mocking smile. "Thanks," she said archly, a clear 'your highness' implied.

Jessie rolled her eyes and felt the familiar feeling of exasperation that Grace inspired in her. "I don't care what you say; I think your Mom is going to want to see."

"Yeah. She's going to keep asking about it. I just know it."

Jessie sniggered, feeling infinitely better. "Sure. I would say congratulations but you'll be getting that enough in the next few days."

"Probably," Grace said easily.

Their teasing was familiar. Both girls took comfort in that; only now were they accepting the tenuous détente that existed between them. It was one thing to antagonize each other, but friendship was a line neither felt compelled to broach "I should do the rest of my homework," Jessie sighed, eager to be alone.

"Me too," Grace groaned.

Jessie walked out, and with a nod of appreciation to Grace, she opened the door, where Zoe was clearly still whining to her mother about the phone.

Both snickered. Some things never changed.


	10. Chapter Ten

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

Feedback I've received has been wonderful, and copious amounts of thanks for even bothering to read. But, as always, feed my insecurities and REVIEW, y'all.

And, as always, cheers to Karen, my beta, who had to work quite hard on this chapter. Thank you again, Karen.

**Chapter Ten**

"Tiffany, you sure this is a good idea?" Jake asked dubiously.

"Yes!" Tiffany insisted brightly. They were standing with Judy in the middle of Booklovers. A few patrons were milling around but the store was mostly empty as it was almost closing time.

"Ok," Jake sighed, rolling his eyes at Tiffany. Smiling tenderly, he gingerly took Maddie from her arms and began to walk.

"See here honey, this is where daddy works," he cooed. He indicated with his head. "Over there is the kitchen where daddy manages and through here are all the books that one day you're going to read." He Eskimo kissed her. "Yes you are!"

"My god," Judy breathed. "Who knew Jake could be this cute? I mean, he's always been charming in his own nymphomaniac kinda way but this is just…sweet."

"I know!" Tiffany smiled. "I told him it's very important that his daughter knew exactly what her daddy did. I read that a child can store memories from like, in the womb. So it's vital that Jake makes this place a happy memory."

"Well, she's always welcome," Judy encouraged.

"Thanks." Tiffany watched Judy closely. "So when are you having a baby?"

"What?" Judy blanched.

"Oh I'm sorry!" Tiffany blathered. "That was rude. It's just…"

"No it's ok. I should just stop having a hernia every time someone asks me," Judy commented wryly. She paused. "Really soon," she confessed. "I mean, I love all the children that are in my life but there's nothing like having your own." Tiffany smiled in agreement. "I mean, Sam has to agree. And anything that involves commitment he gets cagey. Still, it's something I would love to share with him someday. And if he doesn't…well, I guess nowadays you don't need a man for a baby."

"Yeah," Tiffany agreed, her eyes wandering to Jake, who was showing Maddie the children books. "Still, every kid wants their daddy."

"Yeah," Judy said, watching Tiffany carefully. "I guess they do."

"Hey guys, do you wanna close up?" Eli emerged from the store room.

"There's my man!" Jake called from the other side of the room. He wandered over.

"You see this kid," he said to Tiffany eagerly. "Been here since opening and has stayed here all day. That is some serious commitment."

"Yeah," Eli looked vaguely embarrassed and avoided Tiffany's eyes. He looked over at Maddie and a grin materialized on his face. "Hey, there's a cute kid."

"Isn't she just?" Jake asked proudly, chest puffing out.

"I'm sure your kids will be just as cute, Eli," Judy teased.

"Hey whoa whoa!" Jake joked loudly. "You wanna make the kid a priest?"

The adults laughed indulgently while Eli smiled bashfully. "Go home, Eli," Jake said kindly. "The ladies and I will lock up."

"Thanks," Eli said, appreciative. He said his respective good byes and then proceeded to drive home.

Pulling into the Manning Manor he rested his head against the steering wheel. This constant cloud of disappointment hung over him, like a bad cold, and no matter how he distracted himself; it didn't seem to go away. Instead it continued to gnaw away, seeping into his skin and occupying his every thought.

He worked with renew determination at Booklovers because that's where he knew he was going to stay. He had no choice.

With great effort Eli collected himself, wandering into the kitchen where Lily was fixing herself a tomato and jam sandwich. Eli shook his head. Lily's eating habits were just weird.

"Eli!" Lily greeted him warmly through a mouthful of jam. "There's a message for you." She swallowed then continued. "Some man named Benton. He wanted to meet with you right away at his office. He said you'd know where."

"Straight away? Like now?" Eli stammered.

"Well yeah," Lily said innocently. "I tried calling you at Booklovers but Judy said you'd already left."

"I gotta go. I'll see you later," Eli called, turning on his heel and heading out.

"Will you be home for dinner?" Lily protested but it was useless as he was already gone. Lily sighed in frustration. _'Kids'_.

* * *

Eli sat nervously waiting in the reception hall of "Light Ldt." Within a moment, Benton stuck his head out, looking aggrieved.

"Eli! You're late. Get in here."

Feeling like he'd been spat on, Eli shuffled into Benton's room.

"Don't just stand there and look pretty," Benton smirked. "Sit down, kid."

Eli gingerly did so.

Benton glanced irritably at his watch. "OK we don't have that much time so I'll just jump straight in. I thought I should discuss that interview you gave a week ago. I gotta say, you don't have the credentials I thought you would have."

"Sorry."

"No no, it's my fault for just assuming," Benton said blithely, flipping through some papers on his desk. Eli felt annoyance prickle him.

"Everyone else that came for that interview had at least three years formal education in music." Benton commented cheerily.

"Yeah I guess," Eli glowered, wondering why he was here.

"And, just between you and me, the way you conducted yourself in the interview was… well, it was like I was going to stab a hot poker in your gut at any moment," Benton chuckled indulgently, smirking and shaking his head.

Eli narrowed his eyes, deeply affronted. "Look, I'm sorry that I don't have some great experience at taking interviews. And it seems to me that there were plenty of other people more qualified so I don't know why you called me in here just so you can criticize me because frankly, I've had a really long day and don't have time for it."

Benton chuckled, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "Me neither. I like that, kid, you got some balls." His lips twisted into a smile, "although, if you talked like that to most of your employers you'd be fired immediately."

"Fired?" Eli repeated dumbly.

Benton reclined wistfully in his chair. "Most of the kids that came in here were so chock full of knowledge that they forgot the most important skill you need in music," he cupped his ears. "Ears. Frankly, you had an advantage coming here because the kid I saw at that festival was the only person in that whole damn place that was really listening. See, I get thousands of tapes from potential wannabes every day. And all the time I gotta use my ears to find that special something that no other wannabe's has. And you can know everything from Beethoven to Cat Stevens but if you can't listen then you're pretty useless." Benton cocked his head and was amused by Eli's stunned reaction.

"Now, I was being serious about my criticism. If and when I decide to move you from part time to full time I'll probably help fund to send you to one of those music schools just so you can get a degree, so I can say that all my staff are fully qualified and crap. And in future you may not wanna gape like an idiot every time the interviewer asks you a question. But despite everything," Benton threw his arms wide. "I'm offering you a part time job here. What do you say?"

"Say?" Eli shook his head, forcing himself out of his stupor. "Uh, yes I mean," Eli let out a relieved chuckle. "I would love to," he sighed.

"That's great. I'll see you next Monday. I'll give a schedule to the hours I expect you to work," shuffling around on his desk Benton finally gave Eli a time sheet. "Work it out with these 'Booklovers' people."

"Thanks," Eli stood up gratefully. "I'll see you next Monday I guess."

"Sure kid," Benton said, already immersed in his work. "Just bring your ears."

* * *

"The boy is back in town!" Jake strolled into Tiffany's house casually, not bothering to knock. Tiffany jumped but relaxed when she saw it was just Jake.

"Hello you," she said brightly. "Just in time for a diaper change."

"Really," Jake grinned. He indicated to the door. "I'll just come back in five."

Tiffany smirked, aware of his teasing. She held out the diaper for him. Jake smiled. He felt an odd desire to kiss her, a wanting that sent shivers down his spine. He settled for giving her a peck on the cheek instead.

Tiffany flushed and sat next to her ex-boyfriend. She noticed the ease in which Jake changed Maddie's diaper.

"How was work today?" Tiffany asked, carelessly brushing a stray blonde lock from her eyes. Jake shrugged as he changed replaced the dirty diaper with the clean one. "A little slow today, but hopefully with the whole heap of new arrivals coming up the patrons will go book crazy." He finished changing then proceeded to affectionately tickle his daughter's tummy. "So, how have you two been?" he asked as Maddie gurgled happily.

"Fine. I tried to get her into that lovely dress Monica bought her but she was very stubborn. She is a typical Capricorn." Tiffany smiled at her daughter.

"Is that right, you're being a pest?" Jake picked Maddie up, smiling down at her. Jake cooed at her. "I think someone wants their Mommy!" Jake Eskimo kissed Maddie then gently gave her to Tiffany. Tiffany snuggled her daughter to her chest, happily as Jake stood behind her. They gazed tenderly at their daughter, perfectly content. All was right in the world.

* * *

Rosenfeld's office was cozy.

It was one of the first things Jessie had noticed when, not long over a year, she had ventured into the room for the first time, determined to spurn this man, who was looking dissect the pieces of her life. An apprehension to speak about her feelings still lingered in her, even now, but as Jessie spied Rosenfeld's usual easy, gentle smile, sitting in a room so familiar, her heart stopped clanging so loudly in her chest.

"Jessie, hi," Dr. Rosenfeld said warmly, indicating for Jessie to sit. Uneasily she plonked down on one of the comfy chairs.

"So," Rosenfeld joked lightly, reclining laconically. "Rough week?"

Jessie chuckled ruefully. "You have no idea."

Rosenfeld cocked his head to the side, looking at her gently. "Want to tell me about it?" he asked, grinning. "I'm all ears!"

Jessie laughed at his playfulness. "I'm surprised you don't know," she said sardonically, rolling her eyes in disgust. "I'm sure Mom must have come in and told you."

"Do you think she'd do that?"

"Mom?" Jessie snorted. "I'm surprised she hasn't given you a thesis."

"Ok, so your Mom has told me." Rosenfeld admitted easily. "How does that make you feel?"

"I don't know," Jessie shrugged sullenly. "It doesn't really matter anyway."

"What doesn't matter?"

"I don't know," Jessie muttered resentfully. "Who cares who else knows? It's not like some big secret any more."

Rosenfeld frowned slightly. "So I guess that bugs you, since you wanted to keep this a secret." Jessie just shrugged so Rosenfeld decided on a different tact.

"How'd the parents take to this discovery?"

Jessie chuckled although her laugh was devoid of humour. "They were shocked I guess. They pretended it wasn't some big deal but…"

"It _was_ a big deal."

"Yeah," Jessie's face started to fall, like a damn that was beginning to crumble. With great internal effort she pulled herself together, clenching her body tight, willing her emotions to go away. Rosenfeld noted the sore point.

"Your parents don't usually make a big deal out what you do, huh?" he noted gently.

Jessie looked away. "I don't know," she choked.

Rosenfeld nibbled the end of his glasses thoughtfully. "So how exactly did they make this a big deal? By grounding you, taking away phone privileges, not allowing you to see Katie?"

"Well that's the thing!" Jessie latched on this, facing Rosenfeld and drawing herself up indignantly. "They aren't punishing me. They keep saying how OK it is and how welcome Katie is but I know it's isn't true. They're lying to me," Jessie finished bitterly.

"Well, how would you have liked them to react?" Rosenfeld asked, a puzzled expression clouding his features.

"I don't know," Jessie's voice sounded choked again as she slouched in her chair. She waved her hand dismissively. "Anything other than…this!"

"Well have you thought about their point of view?" Rosenfeld asked, watching her closely. "Maybe, they might be at least trying to support you."

"I know that, OK!" Jessie challenged loudly, feeling his comments sting like precise incisions. She glowered at him, hackles raised.

Rosenfeld paused, waiting for Jessie to stop glaring. After a beat he then continued gently. "So what are you finding so difficult?"

"It's just…the way they're looking at me, because I see them, trying so hard to be supportive and trying to be there for me despite the fact that they're so obviously freaked. And they're trying so hard that it just…" Her entire body felt terribly alive, blood burning hot, and she thought that he must feel the scorching heat radiating from her body. Jessie drew away from Rosenfeld, chewing the inside of her cheek; hard. She pushed herself into the seat as far as possible, her back sinking against the fabric of the chair, blinking back tears, attempting to bring her body back to a normal equilibrium.

Rosenfeld silently took this in.

"And Katie, what does she think of all of this?"

"Katie?" Jessie replied weakly, relieved that she could move onto another topic. "She's uh, tried to help. But um," Jessie shook her head and stared at the floor, chastising her weakness. "We had…a, a fight. She got mad and left. And she hasn't spoken to me since."

"Are you serious?" Rosenfeld opened his eyes wide with shock. "My goodness, this is totally different from the Katie I know. I can't believe she doesn't want to talk to you at a time like this."

"Look it's ok," Jessie protested feebly.

"Are you sure? I mean, I thought she'd try and support you?" Rosenfeld said, clearly chagrined. Jessie lifted her eyes and stared at him, shock and confusion swimming amongst unshed tears.

"Stop!" Jessie pleaded

"Why stop? I can see that she's obviously upset you!"

"I said stop it it's _not _her fault," Jessie snarled, her vicious reply piercing the air. Rosenfeld's demeanor immediately shifted back to neutral, his eyes full of understanding.

"Whose fault is it then?" he asked softly.

Jessie blanched as if he had slapped her.

"It's no one's fault," Jessie whispered.

"If it's no one's fault, what is everyone so upset about?" Rosenfeld asked, the picture of befuddlement.

Jessie lowered her eyes, finding the couch fascinating. "I don't know."

"Jessie, if it's no one's fault what are _you_ so upset about?"

His words lashed at her painfully as they reverberated in her mind. "Please stop," Jessie whimpered, tears bright in her eyes.

Rosenfeld looked at her solemnly. "It seems to be the secrets you're keeping now, they aren't fun anymore." His tone turned hard. "What are you hiding? Why can't you tell anyone?"

"Because it's me, ok!"

"What do you mean?"

"This whole thing happened because of me!" Jessie cried, chewing her pinkie furiously. "I shouldn't let us get caught. I should've made sure we were careful!"

"I get it," Rosenfeld soothed gently. "But why are you the one who has to be responsible?"

"Because somebody has to be!" Jessie snapped, her voice catching

Rosenfeld looked at Jessie for a moment, his mind ticking over frantically. He hesitated, then sucked in a breath as if he decided something.

"Is that why you need to punish yourself?" Rosenfeld said quietly.

"Punish myself?" Jessie repeated her voice small.

"If everything is your fault, is that why you're pushing people away?"

Jessie looked down and seemed every inch the scared, confused lost girl. For a moment, Rosenfeld thought he had pushed her too far.

"Why shouldn't I?" Jessie asked quietly. She sucked in a deep breath, but it did not prevent tears that fell and rolled quietly down her cheeks. She smiled bitterly. "Every one is so concerned about me," she whispered scornfully. "But the thing is; they shouldn't be."

"Why?"

"God isn't it obvious?" Jessie spat fiercely. "I'm. not ._worth. _it."

Jessie picked at her cuffs, the reality of her words beating her like a mace. "My parents are so disappointed in me. I let them down. I hurt them, and it's just after Mom has had an accident. And Katie…she cares about me so much but I can't voice it like she can and I know it hurts her and it would be just better for everyone if they didn't know me at all!" Jessie's face was soaked with tears. Familiar self- loathing gnawed at her gut. She tucked her knees into her chest, growing smaller and more diminished in Rosenfeld's sight.

"Maybe you have disappointed people." Rosenfeld said simply. "Maybe some people have been hurt." Jessie sniffled at this. Rosenfeld took a deep breath and continued. "But the thing is you can't keep thinking that it's your responsibility to keep everyone happy."

"What if it is?" Jessie whispered.

Rosenfeld smiled, his tone turning sardonic. "Well, that's a pretty lousy role in life. How can you be solely responsible for the happiness of your family? I mean, your dad seems pretty happy with his new marriage. From all accounts, since the accident your mom has had a new lease of life. Are you responsible for that?"

"No," Jessie mumbled.

"So you're _not_ responsible for all the happiness in your family."

"N-no."

"Then how can you be responsible if something goes wrong?"

"I can't, OK!" Jessie choked angrily. Her face was soggy with tears. "I just wish…I just wish I hadn't hurt people."

"Jessie," Rosenfeld leaned towards her, clasping his hands together and regarding her earnestly. "In life, you're going to have to realize that you are going to hurt people. I mean, I think we've established that people are pretty stupid. They get all worked up over the weirdest things." Jessie smiled wanly as Rosenfeld continued. "And sometimes, when you hurt someone, you will be responsible. But sometimes…you're not at fault at all. Have you ever wondered that maybe it's your parents' responsibility to accept who you are?"

Jessie shrugged, clearly unsettled.

"And the thing is; you can't change how they feel about you by pushing them away…or by not eating." Jessie's head jerked up, eyes wide as guilt flashed across her face. A look of vehement denial then barged across her features but after a moment Jessie swallowed whatever comment she was about to make and stayed quiet, silently staring at Rosenfeld.

"You're only responsible for you. And if your parents are going to act kinda stupid, then you have to make sure that you don't act stupid too."

"How?"

Rosenfeld smiled. "I think you know."

* * *

Jessie wandered of therapy with a dazed expression on her face. Karen was sitting in her SUV going over her legal papers.

"Honey," Karen smiled, ushering her into the car. "How was therapy?"

"Good," Jessie muttered, clearly distracted. She turned and looked at her mother urgently. "Mom, can you do me a favor?"

Once they arrived Jessie immediately jumped out of the car. With a sense of trepidation she warily made her way up the garden path, ignoring the sounds of laughter from the neighbours' children or dogs barking or any other inane sounds of suburbia.

She stood demurely on the front porch, her sandals obscuring the tatty 'welcome' doormat. The wooden door stood forebodingly before her as she raised her hand and grazed its rough surface, flecks of paint lingering on her fingers. With a shaky sigh she rapped on the wood, once, twice, then waited.

Jessie heard someone trudging to the door and after a moment, a surprised Katie answered. "Jessie?"

"Hey Billie," Jessie answered weakly.

Katie looked touched but then her face hardened, sullenly crossing her gangly arms across her chest.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly, craning her neck past her own car and spying Karen watching them from her SUV.

"Look, I know I'm not your favorite person right now," Jessie stuttered. Katie's face didn't soften so Jessie sighed and took the remainder of her courage with two hands.

"And I know I've been…pushing you away."

Katie's eyes widened and unconsciously her arms fall to her side. She leant against the doorframe and watched Jessie cautiously.

"But the thing is," Jessie continued hoarsely, tears brimming. For once, she didn't hold them back. "The thing is, I can't…I can't lose you." She whispered.

"Oh," Katie murmured, her mouth dropping open.

"My parents…are kinda freaked right now," Jessie admitted. "But the thing is, they're going to have to get used to the fact that you are…you're my girlfriend," she choked.

Katie's mouth closed, a gleam of hope rising in her eyes.

"I mean, if you want me to be," Jessie amended quickly.

"If I want you to be?" Katie repeated incredulously. A smile grew that rose from her mouth to light up her eyes that twinkled with mischief

"Yes I do. So much!" Impulsively, she reached for the other girl pressed her tight within a fierce hug. Jessie buried her face in Katie's hair and whimpered, as she felt Katie cling to her; her hot breath tickling Jessie's cheek. Jessie squeezed her eyes shut as she felt all her strength seep from her body as she began to sob, hiccupping fiercely, beginning to release all the hurt and anger that clogged her heart.

Katie could hear Jessie's choked sobs as she clung to her; she kissed the tears that fell, the salt prickling her tongue.

Karen watched this from afar. The girls clasped each other, tightly entwined. Karen saw Katie gently cradle Jessie, watching her with an expression of reverence, as if she was holding something most precious.

Taking a deep breath, Karen smiled slightly, turned on the car and with a final loving look at her daughter, and drove off, leaving the girls standing on the doorstep, blissfully alone.


	11. Chapter 11

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

**FEEDBACK: **Gimme Gimme Gimme! Please? I'll give you a cookie(the tasty internet kind!) Contact me OR post your lovely words (or constructive criticism) in the review section.

My beta, Karen, thank thee muchly!

And finally, sorry, sorry, sorry for the gap in updates- university is finished and my computer and I are spending some quality time!

**Chapter Eleven**

A loud knock rattled Tiffany's door. "Coming!" she hollered, picking up her wailing daughter.

The knocking persisted. "Coming!" Tiffany repeated. Her daughter wailed louder.

Tiffany stormed to the door and wrenched it open. "What?" she snapped at Jake.

"Jeeze Tiffany," he retorted, breezing past her and plucking Maddie from her arms."Sounds like the Western Front in here."

"Huh?" Tiffany asked, confused. Jake ignored her and gently rocked Maddie until she calmed down.

Tiffany sighed, irritated. "Did you bring diapers like I asked?" she whined.

Jake shot her a sidelong grin. "It's like diaper heaven in my bag!" he bent down and picked up his back pack with his free hand, handing it to her.

"Oh," Tiffany said sheepishly, her annoyance dissipating. "Thank you."

"No problem," Jake jiggled Maddie up and down while she squealed in delight.

Tiffany grinned at Jake with ill-concealed affection. "You're so good with her," she said with wonder.

"Most important girl in my life," Jake cooed. "Well, equal first," he amended, thinking of Grace and Zoe.

Tiffany looked down, feeling irrationally disheartened. "So thank you for bringing emergency supplies," Tiffany rummaged through Jake's back pack. "I would have gone to the store myself but…"

Jake looked over at Tiffany, his eyes anxious. "What?"

"Oh my god," Tiffany breathed. She held up a small box. "What's this?"

Jake grinned. "Isn't Mommy asking a silly question," he joked to Maddie. "Open it and find out."

Tiffany cautiously opened the box, and to her awe, a small sparkling diamond ring was there.

"What?" Tiffany asked, dumbstruck.

Jake gently placed his now silent daughter down. Stepping towards her, he puffed out his chest. "Tiffany?" he breathed. "Will you marry me?"

"I don't," Tiffany gaped at Jake dumbly. "Why are you asking this?"

"Because you're the mother of my child," Jake gently said, smiling winningly at her. "Because you're also the best mother in the universe," Tiffany laughed at this. "Because you see me for whom I am and accept it. Which; and I don't tell you this enough, means so much to me."

Tiffany shook her head, stunned. "I don't know what to say,"

Jake placed his hands over hers. "Just say yes," he breathed. Tiffany looked at him, uncertain, a thousand thoughts running through her mind.

* * *

"I don't know about this," Katie said hesitantly. She cast the Manning Manor a suspicious look. 

"Katie," Jessie chided. "Are you freaking?"

"What?" Katie grinned nervously. "How could you presume that I would ever freak at the sign of danger?"

'_Because you're standing out here procrastinating,' _Jessie thought affectionately. She cocked her head towards the house challengingly.

Katie shook her head, goaded by Jessie's mocking eyes. "Ok," she grumbled. She reached out and gingerly held Jessie's hand. "Houston, we're going in."

They entered through the kitchen to find Rick and Lily seated around the kitchen table, flipping through a book.

"Hi guys," Lily greeted warmly.

Rick's eyes shifted from his daughter, to Katie, and then their hands, which were clasped together.

"Hi!" Rick said, far too brightly.

Lily rolled her eyes then thwacked her husband on the arm. He shot her a confused look.

Katie swallowed hard, although she felt a grin emerge after that cute exchange. "Hi. I, uh, have to go to the bathroom," she stammered.

"Do you need me to show you where it is?" Lily asked kindly.

"No, I've got it," Katie replied cheerily. She glanced at Jessie bashfully before leaving.

"I like her," Lily chirped. "What?" she asked defensively when it was Rick's turn to roll his eyes.

"What's the book?" Jessie asked, eager for a distraction.

"Recipe's for Zoë's birthday party tomorrow," Rick smiled. "I'm making a mean packaged chocolate cake, Jess, wanna help?"

Jessie looked at her dad, puzzled. "You don't need me for cooking," she said bemusedly.

"Honey, have you seen your dad cook?" Lily joked. "We need all the help we can get!"

"Hey!"

"What help?" Zoe asked, enthusiastically hurrying into the room.

"I used to cook for you all the time when were dating," Rick muttered sullenly.

"Preparations for a certain person's birthday party tomorrow," Lily said brightly, ignoring Rick.

Zoe shot her mother a disdainful look. "Oh, so you're going through with that, are you?"

Lily looked crushed. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Whatever," Zoe snapped dismissively at her mom. She turned her attention to Jessie. "I saw Katie."

"Yeah, she's hanging out here for a while," Jessie said cautiously, deftly glancing at her father.

"Oh, OK, well can she come to my party then?" Zoe asked eagerly.

"Uh," Jessie hesitated.

Rick glanced up, a plan formulating in his mind. "I think it would be a great idea if Katie came," Rick encouraged.

"Oh well that's good since I thought I should invite her and all," Zoe said glibly. She smiled at Jessie.

"So is Katie your girlfriend?"

There was a mortified silence as three sets of stunned eyeballs focused on Zoe. Zoe grinned in response.

"Uh, she is, actually," Jessie stuttered.

"Oh. What present is she going to get me?"

"Zoe!" Lily scolded.

"What?" Zoe protested. "I want Katie to come. But I just wanted to tell her that she can't get me glitter because I already told Judy to get me that."

"Right," Jessie said softly, an affectionate grin spreading across her face. She glanced at her father, and to her surprise, he was grinning also.

"Uh, hi," Katie said uncertainly, walking into the room.

"Katie," Zoe bounded over to her. "You're coming to my party tomorrow! It's at 3. o'clock at Booklovers. Come! They'll be cake and everything."

"Well, I…" Katie struggled to find words. "Sure, that sounds great!" She smiled, albeit very nervously.

"Come on," Jessie ordered. She grabbed Katie by the hand. "We're heading up to my room," she said breezily, dragging a sheepish Katie behind her.

Zoe smiled brightly at Rick and Lily, grabbed a yogurt from the fridge then jauntily left also. Lily watched her leave, a guilty look lingering on her face.

"I think Zoë's mad at me," she fretted.

"Really?" Rick muttered distractedly. "Why's that?"

"I'm not sure, that's the thing!" Lily protested. "I've tried talking to her but she never wants to open up."

"I think that's called impending adolescence. Welcome to the land of teens." Rick commented dryly.

"I don't know what went wrong," Lily worried. She frowned momentarily, but soon brightened. "Hopefully I can make it up to her tomorrow."

"Mmm," Rick's mind wandered again as he sat down pensively.

Lily noticed. "What's wrong?"

"What?" Rick started. He registered Lily's question and sighed. "It's nothing. Just, ah…" Rick glanced down the hall. "Maybe I should go tell Jess to leave the door open when Katie's up there."

"Rick!" Lily chided, shooting Rick a slightly condescending look.

"What?" Rick asked defensively.

"Stop worrying!" Lily paused for a moment then smirked. "At least she can't get pregnant."

"Lily!" Rick gaped at her. "You can't just…stop it!" Rick stuttered his mind reeling over the possibilities. He shot a frantic look up the stairs.

Lily softened. She wandered over and cuddled Rick. "Are you still upset with her?" she asked softly.

"Upset with her? No." Rick said honestly. "Is it still a little weird?" Rick winced. "Yes."

"What's weird? That she's so happy?" Lily asked, playing with his collar.

"I guess that's also a little weird," Rick admitted hoarsely. "But in the most wonderful, fantastic way." Rick gaze lingered on the stairway that his daughter had ascended. Any sliver of pain on that face was a burning poker to his gut. And Jessie felt pain more keenly than most. But…but if Katie was capable of bringing smiles to Jessie's face…

He decided to let his daughter have her privacy.

Rick turned his attention to his wife, who was studying him with an amused look on her face.

"You know, babies in womb are kinda weird," Rick joked, rubbing Lily's stomach.

"Your sense of humour is also weird," Lily countered, throwing her arms around him. She nuzzled his face. "I love you," she whispered. "I love that there is a person growing inside of me that you created."

"I seem to remember you playing a part," Rick smirked. "You're really happy about this baby?" he asked earnestly.

"I am" Lily pulled back and looked at Rick suspiciously. "Are you?"

"100 per cent." Rick beamed.

Lily looked at Rick solemnly, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Tonight. Maybe we'll play 'the King and I'" Lily whispered seductively.

"Oh," Rick murmured. He smiled coyly. "Can I wear the crown again?"

They both grinned as their lips met softly in an unspoken promise.

"Oh gross," Grace's exasperated voice interrupted. "There should be warnings about you two; beware falling saccharine."

Lily sighed wearily and hopped off Rick reluctantly. "Hello Grace."

Grace opened the fridge then poured herself some orange juice. "I'm going out with some friends."

"You are?" Lily asked, surprised.

Grace rolled her eyes. "Yes, I do have some friends, Mom," she said snidely. "And after this year, at least now I know which my real ones are." She finished her juice with an audible gulp. "Bye," she called out. She almost ran into Eli on her way out. They looked at each other a little coldly.

"I gotta go," Eli said to Rick. "I've got, uh, band practice today."

"Really," Rick said skeptically. "E, Judy told me you're only working part time at 'Booklovers'. Why?"

"Oh it's nothing," Eli lied. "I'm just looking for a break for a while." Eli paused and looked uncomfortable, aware of his father's dismayed expression. "Bye." Eli said awkwardly, heading out.

Rick rolled his eyes at Eli's retreating figure. "I think I prefer them when they're in the womb." He joked.

* * *

Katie sat on Jessie's bed as the latter closed the door, looking pensive. 

"You OK?" Katie asked softly.

"Hmm? Yeah," Jessie was broken from her reverie. With a self-conscious grin she padded over and sat next to Katie, leaning into her shoulder as Katie wrapped her arms around her.

Jessie smiled gratefully at her, leaning up and planting a soft kiss on Katie's lips. She then retreated to the warmth of Katie's shoulder, both girls staying silent and still.

"Katie?" Jessie asked meditatively. Jessie sensed Katie looking at her. "Do you think…ugh, nothing."

"No what?" Katie asked curiously.

"Don't worry I'm an idiot," Jessie demurred.

"You are not an idiot," Katie sighed. "If anything, I've been the idiot the last few weeks," she momentarily looked repentant but that faded as she grinned mischievously, surprising Jessie by vigorously tickling her sides. Jessie squealed and grabbed Katie's hand, shielding herself from Katie's wiggling fingers.

"Stop!" They both giggled and Jessie let go of Katie's hand. The last of the laughter faded and the room grew silent again.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Katie asked worriedly.

"Yeah, it's just…" Jessie seemed embarrassed. After a reflective pause Jessie looked at Katie seriously. "Do you think we'll ever be the same again?" she asked quietly.

"I don't…" Katie shook her head, her features puzzled. After a moment, she sighed in realization.

"Are we going to be all innocent, sunshine and roses again?"

Jessie stiffened in her arms, so Katie surmised she had guessed correctly. Jessie drew away from Katie and looked at her intently. "Well?"

Katie sighed heavily. She reached over and lightly dragged a finger through Jessie's hair. Her eyes bore into Katie's, a child-like trust nakedly presented to her. Katie swallowed.

"I don't think so," she admittedly a little hoarsely.

"Oh," Jessie sighed.

Jessie looked up, slowly searched Katie's eyes and found they reflected her own; the same, raw, terrifying and electric emotion that was too profound to name.

. It was as if Jessie's heart just peeled open; she felt she had shed frivolous youth and in this moment she was stronger and taller than she had been before. Jessie felt pleasant warmth through her body as she wrapped her arms around Katie, bringing them together, connected; one.

It made sense.

Jessie smiled.

"Good."

* * *

Karen's breath came out in sharp, short wheezes as she clutched her cane, painfully attempting to navigate the hallway. 

"Keep going Karen," Henry's polite voice continued.

"It's ju-it's just, one moment," Karen panted. She painfully slouched down in one of the chairs. Karen squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed the sweat soaking her forehead.

"You'd think this would be getting easier," she complained sullenly.

"You're doing fine," Henry reassured. He smiled at her momentarily, but before Karen could return it, he had turned to call a doctor over.

"Karen we've come to the end of our time," his voice morphed into a professional, removed tone. "Good work."

Dr. Jenkins had wandered over to ask Karen how her recovery was taking place. Henry gave him his reports while the doctor read over them, obviously pleased.

"Anyway, I have another appointment at twelve," Henry stated. "Bye John. Bye Ms. Sammler."

"Henry…" Karen croaked. It was in vain, Henry had already walked down the hall, not looking back.

Later that night Karen was diligently reading through a prospective case about unfair zoning laws when she heard a knock on the door. Wearily she reached for her cane.

"Who is it?" she called.

"It's just me."

"Oh hi honey," Karen warmly greeted her daughter, who was standing sheepishly on the doorstep. Karen glanced at her watch.

"This is a lovely surprise, but shouldn't you be at your dad's tonight?"

"Yeah, but I forgot my French book," Jessie sighed, rolling her eyes. She gingerly walked through the house.

"Oh, ok. So, how's school?" Karen asked watching Jessie bustle around the living room.

"Fine," Jessie said softly.

"Everything is such a mess," Karen said apologetically as she glanced around her living room. "Since I got back to work it's been so hectic. You'd think they'd be gentle with the disabled lady."

Jessie walked around the room aimlessly, a small frown marring her features. Karen noted her demeanor and felt the familiar icy pit of worry in her stomach.

"Honey?" she asked warily. "Is something wrong?"

Jessie smiled weakly. "I'm fine," she mumbled.

"Jessie," Karen stuttered, adrenalin beginning to stir, "if something is wrong I want you to tell me."

"Mom, it's fine."

"_Jess, _please!"

After an awkward pause Jessie turned and faced Karen, a baleful look on her face.

"Why did you just drive off when you dropped me at Katie's?" she asked.

"Oh!" Karen. Her mouth dropped slightly. In the gloom Karen could see Jessie calmly stare back at her, a thin shaft of moonlight softly illuminating her, making her look more poised, more mature than Karen had ever seen. But in Karen could see a glimmer of pain in Jessie's eyes. It hurt Karen to realize that she had caused her daughter pain.

"I wanted you to have some privacy with her," Karen admitted quietly. She hobbled over to Jessie and looked at her daughter's contemplative face. It took all Karen's strength not to reach out and touch Jessie's arm, but Karen reframed, knowing it would exasperate her. She decided to joke to ease the tension. So Karen smiled playfully. "If she's going to be your girlfriend then I'm guessing you don't want your mom hanging out with you guys!"

"Stop," Jessie protested in jest, wrinkling her nose. They both laughed at the joke. Jessie looked down at the floor as if mulling over something.

"You mean that?" her voice was fragile and full of aching.

"Oh honey," Karen whispered. Karen reached across and wrapped her arm around Jessie, and pulled her close. Karen wasn't fine. But she vowed she would be.

"Oh, there it is," Jessie spied her French book under one of Karen's massive legal tomes.

Jessie glanced down at the work strewn across Karen's table.

"You work too hard," Jessie said fretfully, wriggling out of her mother's embrace

"Stop worrying about me!" Karen assured her. She sat down by the table. "Now off you go to your Dad who's waiting out there very patiently.

But Jessie lingered. "Mom?" she said warily. Karen glanced up. "I just don't want you to get lonely." Jessie said softly and with difficulty. "Because I know you were lonely…before, you know," Jessie indicated to the cane by Karen's side. "And I just don't want you to ever be that lonely again, ok?" Jessie choked.

Karen reached out to Jessie. "I promise," she said firmly, squeezing Jessie's hand compassionately. She heard the blare of the horn from outside. "It seems even your Dad gets impatient," Karen commented wryly. Jessie smiled and kissed her mother on the cheek and said goodbye before jogging out to meet Rick.

Karen sighed and leaned her head against her palm, sadly contemplating Jessie's words as she sat in her dimly lit living room, alone.

* * *

Grace was reading Chekhov when a loud knock rang at the door. Glancing irritably at her bedside clock she was amazed to realize it was midnight. _'Who would be up at this hour?'_ she wondered. When Zoe poked her head in Grace shook her head in dismay. _"Who else?'_

"What?" Grace asked peevishly.

"Nothing!" Zoe scowled. "I was just wondering if I could stay here for a while?"

"Why?" Grace grumbled. "Can't you bother someone else?"

"Please?" Zoe wheedled. She opened her eyes wide; silently hoping the puppy dog routine would wear Grace down.

Grace sighed with exaggerated weariness. "Fine," she huffed. Zoe beamed and bounded over and sat next her on the bed.

"What's the book?" Zoe asked, referring to the Chekhov novel by Grace's side.

"Huh, oh," Grace glanced down. "Chekhov. He's a writer."

"Where'd you get it?"

"Where'd you get all these questions?" Grace mocked. She glanced down at the book wistfully. "Mr. Dimitri gave to me."

"Is that the boy you like?" Zoe asked, lolling on Grace's bed.

"He wasn't a boy," Grace smiled. "And yes, I used to like him."

"What happened?"

Grace was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Why'd you stop liking him? Did he not like you back," Zoe asked innocently.

Grace heaved a sigh. It was ludicrous that she should tell Zoe about her love life. But her sister continued to look at her so earnestly with wide and sincere eyes, and Grace was struck with a strange desire to share. She smirked at the ridiculousness of it all.

"He did, like me." Grace continued. She shrugged. "But it didn't work out."

"Oh." Zoe looked down at Grace's bed sheet. "Grace?" she asked hesitantly.

"What?"

"What's it like to like someone?"

"Oh boy," Grace sighed. "Why? Got someone in mind?"

Zoe sat up and looked Grace in the eye intently. "Ok, but you can't tell anyone." She whispered conspiratorially. "There's this boy, and I think he likes me. And I think I might like him as well."

"So," Grace asked. "What's the problem?"

"I don't know if I want him to like me" Zoe said worriedly.

"Why wouldn't you want that?" Grace scoffed.

"What if I end up like you and Jessie?"

"Ah, excuse me?"

"Well, when Mr. Dimitri went away you didn't come out of your room for ages and even when you did you were really sad. And then Jessie got all sad when Katie stopped coming over. So I mean, what if I end up upset too?"

"Oh," Grace momentarily gaped slightly at her sister but recovered. "I'm sure you won't."

"How do you know?" Zoe pouted.

"Because," Grace sighed. "It's not all heartbreak and drama. And besides, what are you going to do if you turn down every boy that likes you? You're going to be old and all alone with nothing but cats to keep you company."

"I hate cats!" Zoe cried, horrified.

"I know, so stop worrying and go for it!" Grace teased.

Zoe considered this seriously. After a moment a wicked grin sprung up on her face. "So I won't act crazy like you then?"

"Hey," Grace tickled Zoe. "Just wait until you're older. Then you WILL act crazy and I will come and mock you for it."

"Stop it," Zoe gasped, batting Grace away. The smile faded of her face. "I am older now."

"What?" Grace asked.

Zoe pointed to Grace's alarm clock. The time was displayed proudly for both girls. 12.01 a.m.

"I guess you are," Grace said. "Twelve years old. I should warn you it's all down hill from here."

"Shut up Grace," Zoe giggled.

Grace smiled, cocking her head and looking at her sister closely. After a moment she pushed herself off her bed and padded over to a box hidden in a desk draw.

"Here," Grace stated, handing the gift to Zoe, "happy birthday."

Zoe gasped and eagerly grabbed the gift from Grace, gleefully ripping the wrapping paper. Once she opened the present her jaw dropped as she gaped at its content.

"The _Simpsons_ on DVD?" she whispered in awe.

"Yeah, I mean you're always getting Mom to borrow it I just thought now you can see it whenever." Grace said easily. She sat down next to her sister. "Maybe one day I'll come watch it too." Grace said slowly.

"I thought you hate the _Simpsons_?"

"Well I do. I mean I've never watched it but I knew you liked it so it must be bad," Grace teased.

"Can we watch it now?" Zoe asked brightly.

"What? It's midnight!" Grace objected. "And I'm tired and you're bugging me. Now take your present and go to bed."

"But Grace…"

"Go!"

Zoe sighed. She hopped off the bed and headed towards the door. As she reached for the handle, she stopped and turned around to face her sister.

"Thanks," she said sincerely.

"Yeah yeah," Grace sighed affectionately "Now goodnight!"

Zoe grinned toothily and bounded out. Grace bemusedly shook her head, then turned off her light and happily snuggled into bed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Cathartic Moments**

This story is AU (Alternative Universe) from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. For the purpose of the story, Karen is still in hospital. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

It's been a long, long while between drinks, hasn't it? I'mSorry about that folks, truly, I am. The good news is here is a shiny new update and the end is seriously nigh.

Feedback is a writers bestest friend, so please, read and review. And, cheers to everyone who has already reviewed; I really appreciate it.

And, as usual, my greatest thanks go to my Beta, Karen. Cheers

**Chapter Twelve**

"Put a few more balloons over here, no not there Judy, to the far right," Lily snapped impatiently.

Judy glanced at Lily, obviously vexed. She was balancing precariously on a ladder as she reached over, steadying herself with one hand, and with the other stuck a balloon on the far side of the wall.

Decorations for Zoë's party had begun in earnest with Booklovers closed for a few hours to accommodate the gathering. Lily barged around the shop, giving orders and designating jobs.

"Jake!" Lily strode over to her ex-husband who was leaning over the stove. "Did you remember the cookies?"

"What cookies?" Jake asked innocently.

"Oh my god," Lily sniped angrily. "Her favorite cookies. The ones with the coconut icing. God Jake, can't you remember anything?"

Jake smirked at her and grabbed mittens off the shelves and gingerly removed the remaining food from the stove. To Lily's chagrin a batch of coconut cookies stared proudly at her.

"Oh," Lily muttered. She glared and smacked Jake on the arm. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I always forget, remember," Jake grinned smarmily.

"Ugh," Lily sighed in exasperation. "I'm going to check on the party pies," she stormed off.

Jake continued to chuckle bemusedly when an annoyed Judy wandered over.

"Have you seen any tape, I need to put up more balloons," she muttered gloomily.

"Really?" Jake asked. "How many balloons does she want? This place is practically hydrogen central."

"Tell me about it," Judy complained. She noticed Jake's jovial demeanor. "You're jolly," she commented suspiciously. "Slept with the coffee girl already?"

"No!" Jake retorted. "You're grumpy, didn't get laid last night?"

Before Judy could walk off indignantly Jake held up his hand apologetically "no, can't a guy just be incredibly happy?" He smiled serenely as he placed the last batch of cookies on the counter.

"With you I just expect Armag- what's that on your hand?" Judy asked guardedly.

"What this?" Jake blustered, glancing down. "Well this is just, ah". He took a deep, calming breath. "Tiffany and I are getting married."

"_What_?" Judy gaped.

"You know, joined together in holy matrimony, sickness and health, that kind of stuff." Jake retorted nonchalantly.

Judy stood, flabbergasted, as her mouth gaped wordlessly. She struggled to complete the polite formalities.

"Well this is…congratulations!" she stuttered.

"Congratulations on what?" Lily demanded striding over and staring at Judy.

"Uh," Judy hedged.

"Congratulations for me. Tiffany and I are getting married." Jake said simply.

"What? Huh…Oh!" Lily spluttered.

"That's what I wanted to say," Judy muttered.

"Yeah I'm thinking of surprising Tiffany and announcing the great news to everyone today," Jake continued brightly. "I think Zoe will believe the whole thing was concocted as a special birthday gift to her!" he chuckled happily and ambled over to see how the rest of the food was progressing.

"Oh. My. God," Lily snorted incredulously. "I can't believe it? Do you believe this?"

"I'm hoping to wake up as we speak." Judy said dryly.

"Ugh," Lily followed Judy who walked over to a drawer near the corner and rummaged through it. "Since when is Jake the commitment type? I thought commitment gives him hives?" Lily complained.

"Well, what can I say 'Lil," Judy muttered, turning around and holding masking tape. "People change." Lily didn't look convinced so Judy decided to needle her a little. "Besides," she said coyly. "Jake isn't the only one with a tiny, _leeeeeettle_ secret," Judy patted Lily's stomach then strode off.

"Judy!" Lily glared defensively at her.

Judy turned and grinned at her sister rakishly. "What?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Just go and decorate, will you!"

Judy smirked devilishly and proceeded to do that. Lily ground her teeth and strode away, suitably distracted.

* * *

A while later Lily quietly opened the kitchen door and ducked inside the Manning Manor. Disposing her bag she decided to take a quick shower before taking Zoe to her party.

Before she could ascend the staircase she saw her daughter sprawled on the couch in her pajama's watching TV. Lily shook her head at the sight.

"Hey birthday girl," she said, coming around to sit next to Zoe on the couch. "What's this?"

"Simpsons DVD," Zoe muttered distractedly, not bothering to look at Lily. "Grace gave it to me. We were watching it before."

"Oh that's nice!" Lily enthused. She lightly swatted her daughter's feet. "Now come on! It's almost time for your party! You need to get dressed."

Zoe shrugged. "I'm not sure if I'm going."

"What!" Lily gasped, aghast. "But you have to go. It's your party."

"Mom. Stop." Zoe snapped. "I can do what I want." She added petulantly.

"Well I know," Lily said indulgently. "You're twelve years old so you feel like you can do anything. But the thing is, if you stay here and don't go all these people will be disappointed."

"So?" Zoe sulked. "They're only there because you invited them."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked in a hurt voice. "I asked if you wanted friends and you said no."

"Yeah I know," Zoe exclaimed, dramatically leaping off the couch. She scowled at Lily. "You asked me once over breakfast when you were so busy trying to talk to Grace that you barely heard my answer."

"Oh sweetie," Lily objected.

"I'm sick of being the youngest here!" Zoe continued angrily. "Everyone treats me like a little kid. If I invited friends you would treat them like little kids too." Zoe narrowed her eyes at her mother. "And anyway," she added, aware she was twisting the knife in Lily's gut. "It wouldn't matter how I feel because you never notice anyway."

"Zoe!" Lily objected hotly. "I do, I…"

Lily was struck dumb for a moment. She took a deep breath and let Zoë's words register. She looked hard at her daughter, taking in her determined glare. She looked so fierce and defiant but Lily knew how misleading appearances could be.

"I'm sorry honey," Lily said softly. "You have every right to feel that way. I have been so busy with my own stuff and I haven't been the world's greatest mom." She held out her arms to Zoe. "Come here," Zoe resisted. "Come here just for one minute," Lily pleaded.

Zoe reluctantly padded over and entered her mother's embrace. "No matter how silly I act," Lily whispered in Zoë's ear. "I'll always love you…just, SO much!" Lily cradled Zoe gently against her. "It's just scary for mommy to see how old you're getting .You're not a little baby anymore."

"So you promise not to treat me like one?" Zoe pouted.

Lily withdrew her head from Zoë's hair and looked into her eyes. "Yes," She promised. "But only babies don't go to their birthday parties. OK?"

Zoe looked a little abashed. "Ok," she agreed sheepishly. She smiled as Lily planted a kiss on her cheek. "I'm going to go upstairs to get changed now!"

"Ok," Lily smiled as Zoe hopped off her. Zoe took a few steps before turning to her mother with an anxious look on her face. "Has Dad made those cookies I like," she asked worriedly, "the ones with the coconut icing?"

"Of course he has! Your Dad wouldn't forget something like that!" Lily exclaimed.

"Yeah," Zoe grinned. She beamed at her mother then bounded up the stairs with youthful exuberance. Lily smiled happily, her heart expanding with pride.

* * *

"Oh my god!" Tiffany gasped, as she entered Booklovers. The whole place was decorated with balloons and streamers, with a large banner with "Happy Twelfth Birthday Zoe" hanging over the kitchen. "You guys did all this!" she gushed. In her stroller, Maddie gurgled her agreement.

"We certainly did," Jake sauntered over and planted a great big kiss on Tiffany's lips. When he stopped Tiffany reeled slightly, embarrassed by his unusual display of affection. "Here's my little girl!" he cooed at Maddie. He looked at Tiffany. "Can I take the stroller?"

"Sure," Tiffany agreed, unsettled. Jake grinned and wheeled Maddie off.

"I don't know what you've done to him, but he's Mr. Domestic," Judy's wry voice butted in. She smiled kindly at Tiffany.

"Yes," Tiffany mused uncomfortably. "Ever since the baby he's been very committed."

"I know," Judy said admiringly. "I've had a lot of complaints against Jake. The way he treated Lily, well, let's just say I was head of the Jake Manning is Eeeeeeevil society. But no one can ever fault his commitment as a father." Both women turned to Jake who was covertly feeding Maddie a cookie.

"I'm sure it's going to be even better when you're married."

"What!" Tiffany blanched and gaped at Judy with a stunned expression on her face.

"Oh, he's telling anyone who'd listen," Judy continued.

"Oh. So Zoë's going to love all this," Tiffany said quickly, her mouth dry.

"Yeah," Judy agreed. "Just waiting for the girl of the hour…and here she is!" Judy gushed as Zoe entered with Lily, Grace, Jessie and Katie in tow.

"Whoa!" Zoe gasped.

"Here's the birthday girl!" Jake boomed from the other side of the room. He wheeled Maddie over then stopped and picked Zoe up and hugged her exuberantly.

"Daddy!" Zoë's muffled voice protested when Jake put her down. She looked at him reproachfully. "I'm twelve now, ok? I'm too old for cuddles."

"Oh ok!" Jake nodded indulgently. He grinned at the others. "Who wants cookies?"

"I do!" Zoe exclaimed.

Jake beamed and took her hand. "Then let's go get some!"

Twenty minutes later the party was in full swing. Music was playing over the sound speakers as guests mingled and talked, as Zoe rushed from one group to another making sure that everyone had food and they were all having a good time.

Over in the corner, Jessie and Katie were lounging on some chairs.

"I'm sorry you were roped into this," Jessie said apologetically.

"Are you serious? I'm having a great time," Katie said a little too brightly. She cocked her head and listened. "I love Christina Aguilera."

"Really?" Jessie asked dubiously.

"More than a trip to the dentist that's for sure."

Jessie laughed as they both beamed at each other. Jessie then leaned over and looked mischievously into Katie's eyes. "But I'm glad you're here, bad music notwithstanding."

Katie smiled slightly and looked into Jessie's eyes with equal playfulness. "Me too." She smiled even wider when Jessie reached across and held her hand within her own. They enjoyed the sensation of warm skin on skin when they heard Rick approach.

"Hey," Rick smiled, noting their hands.

"Hello Mr. Sammler," Katie stuttered, instinctively trying to let go of Jessie. Jessie held her hand firmly, looking at her father defiantly.

Rick sat next to them, "great party!" he said, trying to diffuse the tension.

"Oh yeah!" Katie agreed enthusiastically. Jessie snickered.

Rick smiled tightly. "So Katie!" He said conversationally. "We haven't had much opportunity to talk. I think it would be great if we could get to know each other."

"Dad!" Jessie protested.

"Sure," Katie said weakly.

"Great!" Rick grinned. "So, you like school Katie?"

Jessie sighed and buried her head in her lap.

"What?" Rick asked, nonplussed.

Meanwhile, Lily wandered over to Judy who was sipping punch. "Hey there," Lily greeted. "I just wanted to thank you for this. It turned out wonderful."

"Thanks," Judy mumbled, scanning the crowd.

Lily took a sip of her drink and watched her sister shrewdly. "He hasn't shown up yet, has he?" she asked.

"Huh?" Judy jerked her attention to Lily. She sighed. "I asked him to be on time for once." She complained. "It's like he's physically unable."

"Well, it's not the first time Sam has let you down," Lily pointed out cautiously.

"I know," Judy muttered resignedly. "And as much as I want him, and as much as I love him, if he can't be here when I need him to be then it just have to be…" Judy closed her eyes painfully, "Over." She sighed.

Lily nodded eagerly, hoping her sister didn't see how appealing she believed that thought was. "It's really important for everyone that he comes today," she agreed a tad self-righteously. "And if lets you and everyone down…"

"Sam!" Judy cried excitedly when she saw him enter. He looked over and grinned at her. Judy thrust her drink at Lily. "Here take it!" she giggled. Judy hurried off leaving Lily carrying the drinks.

She watched Sam and Judy hug with a palpable sense of disapproval.

"Sam's here?" she asked rhetorically, "Oh great!"

Over at the couches Katie and Rick were continuing their conversation almost oblivious to a mortified Jessie.

"I love soccer too," Rick reminisced. "But back when I was at school not many kids would play."

"It hasn't improved that much!" Katie said. "There are a few teams at school but the popularity of the game nationwide is still far too low. Everyone is too obsessed with baseball. But the thing is you can get much more money playing second division in the English premiere league than _loads_ of Major League players. But America has always been so obsessed with our own sports. I think it all stems back to our policy of splendid isolation."

"Oh so you do World War One in junior year?" Rick asked excitedly. "I always tried to get Jessie to read more on history but she's always been distracted by something else. So, would you say you guys go in depth about the causes of world war one?"

"Oh definitely!" Katie gushed. Jessie gaped at both of them and shook her head, believing she had entered the dreaded twilight zone.

Just past Rick, Katie and Jessie, Judy and Sam met at the door and hugged.

"Hey," Judy chastised mildly. "You're late mister!"

"Sorry," Sam said, penitent. "I got caught up with work."

Judy noticed a present he was carrying. "You bought a gift!" she gushed. She grabbed and inspected the rectangular box covered in floral pink wrapping. "You shouldn't have gone for something so big!"

"Yeah, I didn't know what to get for a girl," Sam admitted sheepishly. "So I asked one of the sales assistances who basically insisted I buy something large and expensive."

"Oh," Judy chuckled. "Well it's a good thing you only have a son!"

"Yeah, I wouldn't know the first thing to do with a daughter," Sam mused, wrapping an arm around Judy. "I guess I'd just be a total overbearing dad with her. I'd insist she spend the first eighteen years of her life at home to protect her from…"

"What?" Judy asked.

"From men like me," Sam said wryly.

Judy smirked and ran her fingers down the lining of his coat. "So, are you saying you're a bad, bad man?" she asked coyly.

"Maybe," Sam whispered salaciously. "But I'm trying to be better."

* * *

"What?" Jake asked disbelievingly as he paced back and forth in the small store room at the back of Booklovers.

"I'm sorry," Tiffany said softly.

"You're sorry?" Jake sneered indignantly. "I can't believe you're turning me down on my kid's birthday."

"I'm sorry about the timing Jake, I really am," Tiffany pleaded. "But I wanted to do it before Zoe finds out and gets all excited."

"I just- uh," Jake sighed heavily, clearly off put. He shook his head and tried in vain to construct sentences. "I don't understand," he said finally. "I thought you'd want to get married."

"It's not- it's not that I don't want you," Tiffany protested.

"Well, what more could you want from me?" Jake grilled, eyes flashing with anger. "I've given you everything you've ever wanted!"

"Jake," Tiffany pleaded. She held up a placating hand. Jake took a few deep, agitated breaths and sat down. "You have given me so much," Tiffany whispered. "And you are a wonderful father. You really are."

"Then what's the problem?" Jake protested.

"I just," Tiffany's voice wavered and she looked down at the ground, chastised. Jake took a deep calming breath, closing his eyes and forcing down his anger. Once his breath was steady he walked over and knelt before Tiffany, taking her hands softly between his.

"I know it's scary," he whispered gently. Tiffany opened her eyes cautiously as Jake brushed a blonde lock from her eyes. "But just think. You, me and Maddie can become a real family. We can all be together" He stroked her face, dragging his fingers lightly across her soft skin. A shiver of delight ran through Tiffany's body.

"Is that what you think?" she asked plaintively.

"Yeah," Jake answered, a hopeful smile forming on his lips.

"Is that what you think, that Maddie doesn't have a 'real' family?" Tiffany repeated, her voice showing signs of anger. Jake leant back, confusion and denial flashing on his face.

"Of course Maddie has a family!" Jake protested. "I'm just looking out for what's best for her. And us getting married is the best deal financially. Plus, we can be together, which I would," Jake swallowed hard, "love. A lot. I thought you would too."

"You think I wouldn't want to be with you?" Tiffany asked incredulously.

Jake angrily stood. "Well, you have just turned down my marri…"

"I love you Jake!" Tiffany interrupted dolefully. "And I love how much you care for all your daughters. You're supportive and kind and everything a man should be. You're everything I would want for Maddie." Tiffany stood also and choked back her own tears. "But I won't be patronized. I don't need to be taken care of. I don't need some kind of crazy 'financial security' to help raise my daughter. And I know for sure that Maddie doesn't need her parents to get married for her to be happy!"

"I know that!" Jake objected hotly, beginning to pace restlessly. "And I don't know where you're getting all these ideas from, because they are not true. I just want what's best for Maddie. And for you."

"I know you want what's best for us," Tiffany said resignedly. "I know you want what's best for Maddie because she's what? Equally the most important girl in your life, right?" Jake nodded resolutely. "And that's great. It's the way it should be. But Jake," Tiffany walked towards him sadly. "I can be your girlfriend and be the fifth or sixth most important person in your life but I cannot do that if I am your wife." Her voice hitched and her hands quivered as she slowly slid the ring off her finger. With supreme effort she stretched her hand out, opening her palm and displaying the ring. "I'm sorry."

Jake stared at her, his whole demeanor dejected. He ran a hand over his dismayed face, seemingly at a lost. He looked at Tiffany, her face a sea of regret, sadness and resolution. He wondered if he looked as pathetic as he felt, suddenly in awe of this person who grew from a girl to a woman without him noticing.

He reached out unsteadily and wrapped his fingers over the ring, his hand resting momentarily on Tiffany's palm. His breath quickened as he slowly withdrew, feeling the sharp coldness of the ring against his clammy palm.

"Oh," was all Jake could manage.

"I'm so sorry," Tiffany repeated mournfully. "Do you hate me now?"

Jake chuckled weakly. "No, not really." He swallowed. "I mean, I'm not exactly happy about this." He heaved a sigh and slumped into a chair.

"I know. And this isn't a no forever!" Tiffany assured. "I mean one day, I would love to get married to you."

"Now who's being patronizing?" Jake asked sardonically.

Tiffany blanched, then rolled her eyes and chuckled with him. She sat down next to Jake.

"You know, I've always believed marriage is a bad institution," she declared. "I could tell my parents weren't happy in theirs. Although obviously it was harder for us to tell with Dad, since he was in rehab and all." Jake barked out a laugh.

Tiffany sighed and regarded Jake affectionately. "You don't have to worry about me," she said. "I can do the single mother thing."

"Hey," Jake objected sternly, turning and looking her in the eye seriously. "You will not do the single mother thing because I am here. For both of you."

Tiffany squeezed his hands, her eyes shining with gratitude. "Then that's enough."

Jake nodded. Both of them leaned into the old wicker chairs and sat in resigned silence.

"Daddy?" it was Zoe who was banging on the door.

"It's open," Jake called.

Zoe entered holding Maddie. Maddie squealed in delight when she saw her parents. Jake jumped up and took Maddie from Zoë's arms.

"I was showing Maddie the store but I think she wants you guys," Zoë's face twisted distastefully. "And I think she did a…you know," she scrunched her nose.

"I'll change her," Jake laughed, ruffling Zoë's hair. He indicated for Tiffany to go out to the party and Tiffany sighed, infinitely grateful that this man was still in her life.

"Tiffany do you want to see the cake?" Zoe asked exuberantly.

Tiffany laughed, taking Zoë's eager hand. "I would love to," she smiled.


	13. Chapter 13

**Cathartic Moments**

This story is AU (Alternative Universe) from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods_

And, as usual, the biggest thanks I give is to my hardworking and always jolly(well, usually) beta reader, Karen, who has made this story writing process so much easier. Thank you, Karen.

**Chapter Thirteen**

"I can't believe you came to a twelve year olds birthday party," Grace teased, walking up to Eli who was lounging on a wall, looking decidedlybored.

Eli turned and smiled slightly at her, rolling his eyes self-deprecatingly. "Yeah," he admittedly sheepishly. "Dad really wanted me to go and I mean; she is actually my step-sister."

"But still. Twelve year olds'; birthday party," Grace smirked.

"Yeah," Eli chuckled. He took a sip of punch. "But this isn't actually the worst party ever. On Jessie's twelfth birthday I had to play with all her prepubescent friends." He shuddered involuntarily.

"Oh ew," Grace commiserated, reclining next to him on the wall. After a moment's pause she continued, "Is senior year really that hard?"

Eli pursed his lips but didn't say anything.

"Oh," Grace sighed.

"Just make sure you actually apply for more than one college," Eli said bashfully. He smiled wistfully. "But I'm sure colleges will be applying for you!"

"Shut up!" Grace joked, flushing.

After a moment's pause they both realized that there were no subjects left for discussion. Both teens stood awkwardly, unsure how to proceed.

Grace sighed and twisted her hands worriedly. "I'm sorry about before," she burst out reproachfully. "You know. That fight we had."

"No, I should be…" Eli let out an uncomfortable sigh. "It's my fault. I was being an ass."

"Well, you said it," Grace smirked.

Eli chuckled ruefully and shoved his hands in his pockets a tad defensively.

"Well, I mean it's no big deal now, but I mean, it's not like I think just because you don't have a college degree that you're this big…"

"Grace, it's ok," Eli interrupted her deftly. He shrugged, "I get it. And it's not like I haven't gotten that attitude from my parents forever."

"Ok," Grace said awkwardly. She shot Eli a curious look. "So what were you upset about?" she pried.

"Grace," Eli muttered.

"Don't worry about it," Grace amended quickly.

"No, it's ok," Eli mumbled, looking exasperated. "I just got another job."

"Oh my god!"

"No it's lame," Eli protested under his breath, holding his hands up defensively. "I'm not telling anyone yet, OK?"

"Ok," Grace agreed looking perplexed but nodding anyway. After a moment of strained silence Grace turned and surveyed the room.

"I'm going to grab some food, so I'll see you soon."

"Ok," he took a sip of his drink but stopped as something caught his eye. "Actually Grace could you do me a favor?"

"What?"

He indicated to Rick, Jessie and Katie who were seated on couches in the corner of the room. "My sister and Katie. They really are…"

"Dating?" Grace supplied.

Eli chuckled uncomfortably, "yeah."

"They are," Grace nodded, noticing the three in the corner for the first time. "I'm still surprised Katie actually turned up." She dragged her gaze away and looked and Eli carefully. "Are you weirded out?"

"Actually, it's kind of weird that it's not that weird." Grace looked confused. "I mean, I thought I'd be freaking out over the whole thing but really, I'm mostly fine with it. Although the gross thing is," Eli swallowed and looked slightly queasy.

"What?" Grace demanded, curiosity piqued. "What's gross?"

"Well, I kinda thought Katie was hot," Eli admitted distastefully. "But now she's dating my sister so…ugh!" Eli shuddered, horrified that he found the girl dating his little sister attractive. He felt as if his hormones had violated him.

"Oh," Grace sniggered, her eyes shining with amusement. She patted Eli's arm sympathetically. "There there."

"Eli!" it was Jessie, who was weaving her way through the throngs of people, looking aghast. She acknowledged Grace with a curt nod. "You guys have to help me," she pleaded. "They're talking about history! They're just sitting there…and talking!"

"What, you'd prefer it if he had a baseball bat?" Grace snorted

"No!" Jessie said dismissively. She turned to her brother and opened her eyes pleadingly. "Eli!" she whined.

"I'm sorry Jess," Eli said, squeezing his sister's shoulder affectionately. "Dad is like a homing beacon. If he wants to talk, he'll talk. Better to get it over with."

"There you are Jess," Katie butted in jauntily, joining the fray

"How are you?" Grace asked.

"Fine," Katie grinned. "Your dad is Ok," she said to Jessie and Eli. Eli nudged Jessie's side encouragingly but stopped when Jessie shot him a withering look.

"Let's get something to eat!" Jessie said forcefully to Katie, wanting to smuggle her off to a place where they could be alone. She dragged a beaming Katie away. Both Eli and Grace chuckled, grinning even wider when they overheard Katie enthusiastically saying "Jessie, he even invited me to _dinner_!"

Jessie pulled Katie away from Eli and Grace's prying eyes and into a relatively quiet spot. She turned and was greeted by Katie's beaming face.

"You look flushed," Katie exclaimed, reaching over and fussing with Jessie's shirt. "You know what I find is the cure to a bad care of the flush? Sugared goods."

"Oh yeah?" Jessie humored; her anxiety easing, content to just watch Katie.

"Yeah," Katie dug deep into her pockets and pulled out an M& M bag. Katie tore it open and tipped half of its contents into Jessie's hand. Jessie, not expecting the onslaught, yelped in surprise, the chocolate slipping through her limp fingers.

"Katie!" she chided, half amused, half exasperated.

"Now look," Katie complained. She bent over and retrieved the M& M's on the floor. "You wasted the precious candy." Her brow furrowed in deep concentration, then, as if a light were switched, her expression changed to glee. "Ten second rule still applies. Think Zoe will want them?"

"Don't you dare."

Laughingly they began to eat in earnest. Jessie almost groaned as the flavor coated her tongue. Like a distracted three year old, Katie continued to ramble, "Chocolate is so satisfying in everyway, you know. Like, you can't go wrong, it's appropriate in every situation." Katie continued, despite already finishing the candy. "Except white chocolate, I mean, that's just strange. And you'll find if you compare white chocolate with its milk equivalent…"

"Katie…"

"The milky goodness is less apparent and it makes you feel…"

"Katie!"

"What?"

"Dance with me."

Katie blanched. "What?"

"I want you to dance with me," Jessie said quietly, jest gone from her expression. "I mean, if that's ok?"

For the longest time Katie just stared. For a horrible moment, Jessie thought she was going to decline, but, trancelike, Katie nodded. Her hand nowsuddenly embarrassingly damp, Jessie lead Katie to the dance floor.

They were awkward at first; heavy arms unsure how to touch, swaying unsteadily to a slow beat. It wasn't until Jessie leant her head against Katie's shoulder that they sighed; bodies pressed together, stilling the frantic beat of their hearts.

And that's how they stayed.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Sam approached Rick, who was helping himself to a cupcake. Sam reached past him and filled his empty cup with punch.

"Hey Rick-o," he greeted.

"Sam," Rick turned and smiled at him. "Hey. I didn't know you were here."

"Yeah I've just been around," he indicated to the party with a casual throw of the hand. Rick smiled and continued to hoe into his cup cake.

Sam smirked slightly at Rick. "So," he said conversationally. "Jessie's gay huh? There's a shocker."

Rick stopped chewing and gaped at him, allowing Sam to see the congealed remains of cupcake. "She and her friend were dancing before. Not in a platonic way might I add," Sam continued, watching Rick swallow his food. "Am I correct in my assumption?"

Rick glared at Sam and grunted affirmative.

"Huh," Sam commented nonchalantly. "Well, I gotta give the kid credit. She's got her old man's good taste in women."

"Sam," Rick said warningly. "I have known you for a long time so I am going to forget you just said that."

"Said what?" Sam asked innocently.

Rick rolled his eyes and turned his back, about to go for seconds. Sam laughed and dashed around so he was facing Rick.

"I'm joking, I'm actually here for a reason," Sam said reassuringly. He smiled winningly. "I got a call this afternoon!"

"And?" Rick asked, excitement brewing in his stomach.

"Sammler and Blue Associates are now working with Allen Branch to bring new hotels to the good consumers of Chicago!" Sam finished triumphantly.

"Are you serious?" Rick asked, not daring to believe.

"On my life, man!" Sam crowed loudly. "We're on the joy train to success. Let's show those corporate bastards how it's done!"

"Yeah!" Rick and Sam slapped their hands together in a display of frat boy enthusiasm. They both looked abashed when half the room turned to gawk at them.

"Well, somebody's happy about the finger food," Lily said, hurrying over eager to find out what Rick was so excited about.

"We got the job!" Rick said joyously, collecting her in a big hug.

"Really?" Lily squealed, bouncing up and down with joy. They broke apart and she enthusiastically gathered Sam into a hug.

Sam grinned licentiously at Rick over Lily's shoulder. "We should get new jobs more often."

Lily broke away, a little embarrassed at actually touching Sam.

Sam smirked. "I gotta say, happiness becomes you, Lily," he said smoothly.

"Why thank you," Lily beamed, cuddling up to Rick's side.

"Yeah well, it amazes me, the way women look when they're in your position!" Sam continued earnestly, not heeding Rick's warning look to be quiet.

"Really?" Lily asked uncertainly.

"Well, it's true what the old cliché' says, you're just…glowing!" Sam said, raising his cup to her.

Lily shot Rick a look of venom. Her stomach dropped when Eli and Grace appeared behind Sam.

"Mom?" Grace asked, her eyes wide. She looked horrified. "Are you pregnant?"

"Honey shh!" Lily hissed frantically.

"Oh my god!" Grace moaned.

"Don't be so loud!" Lily scuttled over to Grace. "We should go to another room."

"I can't believe this," Grace complained, following her mother wearily.

Eli hung back and raised an eyebrow at Rick. "Whoa!"

Rick sighed and rubbed his son's back affectionately. "Yeah, I know. Let's follow your step-mother."

Rick had dashed off to find Zoe and Jessie, leaving an anxious Lily to face Eli and Grace in the back room. Both teens were reeling, standing a few feet away from an agitated Lily.

"When were you going to tell us this?" Grace demanded.

"We only just found out!" Lily protested defensively. "We were going to…"

"But just-ugh, a baby! How is that even possible?" Grace's voice overlapped Lily's. She paused for a moment, and then proceeded to look squeamish. "Actually don't answer that."

Lily flushed and was immensely relieved when Zoe, Jessie and Rick entered. Zoe caught the look of dismay on everyone's features. "Oh no what's wrong!" she wailed.

"Nothing's wrong."

Grace snorted. Lily shot her a venomous look.

"What's up?" Jessie asked cautiously.

Rick and Lily shared an anxious look. With a look of feigned nonchalance Lily stuttered

"Well, we've gathered you all to say," she took a steadying breath. "I'm pregnant."

"What?" Jessie hissed, stunned.

"Are you serious?" Zoe squealed.

"Yes sweetie," Rick assured.

"Oh my god!" Zoe jumped up and threw her arms around Lily, who winced. "Wow!'

"So you're happy?" Lily asked, leaning away from Zoe to look at her carefully.

"Yes!" Zoe enthused, "as long as I can help take care of it!"

"Oh, of course you can!" Lily gushed, wrapping her arms around Zoe.

"What about the rest of you?" Rick asked scanning the other kids faces.

"There isn't much else to say," Grace sighed. "I mean the damage is done and everything. I'll be out of here before the baby is old enough to be annoying anyway."

"Thanks," Lily said dryly.

"It's ok Dad," Eli reassured Rick.

"Jess?" Rick asked Jessie.

Jessie looked anxious. "Well, uh, well, congratulations," she said, still reeling from the revelation.

"Excellent," Rick said, cuddling Jessie warmly. "Maybe we can talk about this later because…hey, Lily isn't time to cut someone's cake?"

"Cake cutting?" Zoe squealed. She jumped up and beamed at Lily. "Mom you have to have extra."

"Why?"

"The baby needs to eat too!" Zoe instructed, leading her mother out followed by the rest of the gang, all looking incredulously at the birthday girl.

* * *

Karen reclined and took a sip of her cola. The house was deathly quiet except the soft hum of the television. She flicked channels aimlessly, settling on a daytime movie about a psychotic younger man falling for a repressed older woman.

She heard a key in the lock, then the door open. Karen sat up to see who it was.

"It's just me," Eli said walking into the living room and peeling off his jacket.

"Hi honey," Karen said tiredly.

Eli greeted Karen then headed straight to the fridge and grabbed a carton of juice. He was about to drink the contents from the container but thought better of it after his mother glared at him.

"I can't stay long." Eli said pouring himself a cup. "I gotta head off for a shower."

"Eli," Karen said warningly, sitting up and eyeing him beadily. "Eli, can you come here please."

Eli glanced at her, her tone bringing a familiar sinking feeling to his stomach. "Ok," he mumbled, leaving his drink and coming to sit next to his mother.

"Rick told me that you're now working part time at Booklovers," Karen said, a frown marring her features. She looked at Eli with concern and trepidation. "Is that true?"

Eli suddenly found his shoes fascinating, "Yeah."

"O-well, I" Karen spluttered, dumbfounded. "Why?" she asked, disappointment brewing.

"Mom," Eli complained with a heavy sigh.

"Don't 'mom' me, I think you should explain!"

"It's my life," Eli snapped at Karen. "You don't have to know everything!"

"Well I think I have to know why you're shortening your hours," Karen retorted peevishly. Eli pouted as his shoulders sagged, looking suitably downtrodden. Karen sighed and continued gently. "Booklovers is a real opportunity for you and you should be careful not to just throw it away."

"But it's not what I want," Eli protested weakly. He felt his eyes prick with tears, so he tore his blurry gaze away from Karen's.

"Oh," Karen breathed. She looked at her son, sitting beside her, so vulnerable and sad. She realized with a horrible jolt it had been a long while since she had seen him happy.

"Well, what do you want?"

Eli shrugged made a non-committal grunt then started to get up. Karen stopped him by placing a hand on his arm. "No, I really want to know!" Karen pleaded, voice wavering. "I promise I won't…just sit down. Please."

Eli paused and considered his options carefully. With a sigh he shuffled over and sat next to Karen.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked morosely, steadfastly ignoring his mother's sad eyes.

Karen rubbed his arm affectionately. "I just realized that I never sat down and asked what you would like to do with your life."

"You have," Eli said, looking confused.

"Well, now you're going to do most of the talking," Karen said wryly, pleased when Eli chuckled slightly.

"Oh," Eli said still avoiding Karen's eyes. When it became apparent that he was not going to speak Karen sighed and looked at him closely.

"So," she mused sadly. "If you could do anything in the world, what would that be?"

"A musician," Eli admitted ruefully. "But I-er." He sighed. "I'm not delusional. I know it's never going to happen, so, so I'm really just trying to move on."

"OK," Karen said evenly, her voice only slightly belying her relief. She continued rubbing her son's arm, noticing how despondent he looked. "So why did you cut down the hours?"

Eli raised his head and looked at Karen. Something flickered in his eyes, something Karen couldn't quite identify. After a pause, Eli said quietly, "I got a new job, Mom."

Karen's features changed to surprised. "Really, oh Eli," she gushed, impulsively hugging him. She felt him stiffen under her and she realized with a sinking feeling he was not telling her everything. She pulled away and looked at Eli suspiciously. "And?" she asked warily.

"It's a job. In a recording studio. I'm an assistant, helping going through all the demo tapes and everything. I work there most nights, it's in the city. I've been there for a week or two." Eli said in a resigned tone, staring motionlessly ahead, looking at everything but Karen.

"Oh," Karen choked, feeling her heart battering against her chest. She shook her head in confusion. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Mom," Eli hedged, looking to get away.

"Eli!" Karen said desperately, suddenly feelingly acutely afraid. "Why do you feel that you can't tell me things?"

"Because it's music, Mom," Eli snapped, feeling frustration long bottled inside spilling out. He stood and looked at Karen, naked disgust flashing on his face. "Because I know it upsets you whenever I talk about it! So I didn't want to make it into a big deal." He glared at her, agitated, ready to defend himself, expecting Karen's usual display of hurt disappointment.

"Eli!" Karen breathed, standing up also. "Eli you never have to hide anything from me!" Eli rolled his eyes and sullenly glanced away, but Karen grabbed his arms desperately, imploring him to look at her.

"Does it make you happy?" she whispered.

Eli blanched. "What?"

"Does it?"

He stared at his mother for a long moment, as if unable to speak. After a long pause he whispered.

"Yeah."

"Then I won't be the one to stop you," Karen said, her voice wavering. She pulled Eli into a fierce hug. "I've spent too long trying to make other people happy." Karen murmured. "I don't want you making that mistake."

She wrapped her arms around her son and felt the tension seep from his body as his shoulders wavered, and she could tell he was willing himself not to cry. Karen drew away first, chuckling self-deprecatingly at her own tears. She wiped them away and tried to regain her control.

"Are you ok?" Eli asked gently.

"I'm fine," Karen shooed away his concern and tried to return to an emotional equilibrium. "How was the party?"

"Oh!" Eli said, smiling crookedly. "It was ok. If I never hear Britney Spears again it'll be too soon."

"Yes!" Karen chuckled. "But was it fun?"

"Ah," Eli shook his head in bemusement. "It was certainly educational."

Karen looked perplexed. "What do you mean?" she asked curiously.

Eli realized his folly and rushed to allay her concerns. "It's nothing!" he babbled. "It was fun!"

"Eli!" Karen chastised gently. "What do you mean educational?"

Eli looked guilty and shuffled his feat. "Mom," he said uncertainly. "Lily's pregnant."

Karen gaped uncertainly, unsure if she had heard right. "Excuse me?" she faltered.

Eli looked at her worriedly. "Yeah," he said gently. "They told us today."

.Karen tried to keep surprise and, perhaps, dismay, from appearing on her face. The words echoed in her head.

'_Lily's Pregnant'_

They had divorced years ago. Rick had moved on, and so had she, of course, but this was more final than any piece of paper could be.

"_Lily's Pregnant'_

Perhaps things could have been different in their marriage if only a few small events could have been altered. But it struck Karen now, as she gazed into the eyes of her penitent son, that it wasn't worth even contemplating it.

"Mom, are you ok?" Eli asked anxiously, reaching for her.

Karen smiled pensively as she took Eli's hand and squeezed. "I'm fine," she reassured him. "You don't have to worry about me."

Eli didn't look convinced. "You want me to stay with you for a while? We could watch some TV?"

Karen beamed at him. "I would love to honey but I have something I need to do."

"Ok."

"You can do one thing though," Karen said, a devilish smile playing on her lips. "Could you pass me my keys?"

* * *

Karen slowed the car down, pulling into the parking lot. A few meters away she could see a bunch of kids milling around the baseball field, obvious at the end of practice. A tall man accompanied them, smiling widely as he bade the children farewell. The kids all enthusiastically left, leaving Henry alone on the field.

With a determined nod, Karen got out of her car, leaning heavily on her cane. She hobbled over to him as he packed away the equipment.

"Karen?" Henry asked, standing up and he saw her approach. "Karen?"

"Hello!" Karen greeted him breathlessly, feeling her stomach tighten with excited knots.

"Uh-wuh, what are you doing here?" Henry asked, clearly thrown by her appearance.

"I spoke to one of the nurses on the phone," Karen said briskly. "She told me you coach little league at this time. With a small amount of persuasion she told me where you were," Karen smiled nervously at him.

"Oh," Henry said neutrally. He turned and started to pack the equipment away. "Well, is it urgent? Are you having trouble with your leg?"

"Uh no not exactly."

Henry turned and looked at her, his face clouded with confusion.

Karen took an unsteady breath as her heart beat like a manic drum. "I owe you a couple of things."

"Karen you don't owe me anything," Henry said uncomfortably.

"No, no I do," Karen said with great difficulty. She felt a strange sensation stir at the base of her tummy, a giddiness that she had long forgotten. "I have to say that when it came to you…I may have been mistaken."

"Excuse me?" Henry smirked incredulously.

"Well," Karen huffed a little indignantly. "I was going through a…rough time and I took it out on you. And you didn't deserve that. So I'm sorry."

"Karen," Henry sighed gingerly. "You have nothing to be sorry about. It happens. I've already forgotten."

"Yes that's what I'm afraid of," Karen earnestly said, trepidation creeping into her eyes.

Henry's back stiffened as he stopped, frozen. He regarded Karen warily, crossing his arms defensively around his chest.

"I am a little worried," Karen continued nervously, her eyes darting frantically. "That you have forgotten your promise."

"Promise?" Henry asked, amused and perplexed.

"Yes, promise," Karen repeated apprehensively. "You promised me an outing." She smiled shyly at him. "I remember saying yes."

"Ah!" Henry nodded with comprehension. "I _do_ remember." He paused, "What if I told you that I'm not interested in an outing?"

"Well," Karen uneasily. "I would thank you and say goodbye and feel utterly foolish."

Henry eye's lit up and unexpectedly he chuckled, the warm sound washing over the silence. "There's a diner down the street." He grinned playfully. "You free now?"

"Free as a bird," Karen smiled happily. They turned to walk off.

"Do you need your cane?" Henry asked worriedly.

"I'm going to try without it," Karen said firmly, taking a shaky, determined step forward. Henry beamed at her, slinging his bag over his shoulder as they walked together down the street, enjoying the placid, still night.

It felt good to be free.


	14. Epilouge

This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".

_Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. I totally loathe you guys. Desperate Housewives isn't even that great, so there. Good work ABC, you fickle sods._

**Epilogue **

It was late evening at the Manning Manor as Eli took a seat at the kitchen table, eagerly guzzling down a drink. With a loud burp he sighed contentedly, not hearing his sister enter the room.

"Gross," Jessie jested.

"Natural body function," Eli retorted easily.

Jessie rolled her eyes and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. From the window she spied her father getting out of his car, wrestling with a huge take out bag and laughing uproariously as Lily tickled his vulnerable stomach.

"Weird," Jessie whispered.

"Huh?" Eli asked from the table.

"Oh," Jessie hadn't realized she spoke out loud. "Look."

Eli reluctantly left his seat and peered out of the window also. He took in Rick and Lily's rough housing.

"So?" he asked.

"It's just…he's so happy," Jessie mused, a contemplating smile tugging at her lips.

"I know," Eli agreed. He glanced at Jessie, confused. "What's the problem?"

"It isn't a problem," Jessie objected, staring at her father. Rick sensed her looking and met Jessie's eyes, a broad grin exploding onto his face. He waved the take out bags around excitedly.

"It's just…" Jessie said mused, still gazing at Rick. "Who knew?" she indicated to Lily then the Manning Manor.

Eli cocked his head and smiled affectionately at Jessie. He ruffled her hair, much to Jessie's consternation.

"Looks like Dad's carting a whole load of take out," Eli said happily, changing the subject. He lightly punched Jessie on the shoulder. "Don't worry about Zoe stealing your food. I got your back."

"Oh yeah?" Jessie teased.

"Damn right," Eli returned, his eyes holding no hint of jest.

"There's take out?" Zoe asked eagerly, hurrying into the kitchen with Grace at her heel.

"Who wants Pad Thai?" Rick asked, gleefully bursting through the door waving a bag of food around the Mannings' kitchen.

"Me, me!" Zoe cried.

Rick grinned and quickly unpacked the food, smiling cheerfully as he heaped a mass of noodles onto Zoë's plate. Lily breezed in and kissed Rick on the cheek whilst simultaneously serving the food to the other kids. Then husband and wife sat next to each, whispering softly in each other's ears.

"Do you know what you're going to name it?" Zoe interrupted through a mouthful of food.

"We don't know what sex it is yet," Lily pointed out gently.

"I hope it's a boy," Grace groaned. "I've got enough sisters! Hey," she swatted Eli on the arm as he reached for some noodles of her plate. "Get your own!"

"Here E," Rick said, handing Eli some more Thai.

"I definitely want a brother," Jessie said as she chewed her food. "It'd be weird having a sister."

"It's going to be weird having another kid in the house permanently." Eli said. He made a face. "What are you going to do with it when it cries?"

"If it cries I'm so leaving!" Grace said hurriedly.

"Grace you will not," Lily said, gently swatting her daughter on her hand. Grace just grinned and rolled her eyes at her mother. Lily looked at Rick who beamed back at her, his dark bangs framing his eyes that looked back fondly at her.

"Mm," Lily licked the remainder of a noodle from her finger. "I say we should have a toast," she held up her glass of juice. "First for the birthday girl, who is growing up so fast, and who received so many gifts she's not getting anything for months!" Everyone chuckled as Zoe beamed as they toasted her.

"I think we should also toast to Grace," Rick said, grinning as Grace flushed.

"For doing so well in this "Young Writers Competition". And even if she doesn't win the competition, she's a winner in our hearts."

"Oh Dad, that was _terrible_," Jessie groaned.

"Thank you," Grace said quietly, smirking at a sheepish Rick.

"Don't think you can get away!" Lily said teasingly to Rick. "A new hotels deal?"

"Go Dad!" Eli encouraged while Jessie smiled.

"Ah, you'll will use me for my money when I get rich anyway," he faux growled as they chuckled and chinked glasses. They guzzled their drinks.

When they had finished Lily smiled contemplatively. "I think we should also have one more toast," she said seriously.

"More? I already finished my glass," Eli stated, looking befuddled.

"Oh," Lily sighed while Rick poured juice into Eli's cup. "Maybe I'm being silly but…"

Everyone looked confused but stayed silent as she continued. "It's been a year since we all moved in. And it's just been so…I don't even have words, really."

Under the table Rick's hands slipped over to cover hers. Lily squeezed back and clenched her teeth, willing the tears threatening to spill to subside.

"And unbelievably, we all survived," Rick jested gently, pressing his lips to Lily's temple.

Lily sniffled and rubbed his knee affectionately. "And I know it hasn't been easy," she continued, feeling misty eyed. She gazed at everyone in the room, looking at them lovingly until she settled on Rick. "But it's been worth it. Thank you," she whispered to Rick, stroking his face and feeling overcome. Rick smiled and held her hand, sweaty fingers entwined. "To family," he said warmly.

After a moment of contemplative silence Lily broke out in a smile. "Ok, who wants ice cream?"

It was an unanimous yes.

_**Fin**_

**Author's note; Yes, I'm fully aware the ending was sappy, but less sappy than the _actual _ending of "Once and Again." Or at least, I hope so.**

**Well, that's all, folks. I've enjoyed writing this story immensely, and I hope y'all enjoyed reading it, too.**

**The highest praise goes to my Beta, Karen, who besides having to wade through pages upon pages of unedited story, gave thoughtful feedback, criticism and encouragement. This story would have never been written without her. And, she wasn't paid for any of it!**

**And finally, thank you to all those people who have reviewed! Thank you for your kind and motivating words! I'd like to thank each of you now, so…**

**Potterfan2, Fingersmith, Bee, auggy1984, Jamie, Bessie18, Kris, Lenny, Kate, lola, Justafan131313, ana, rugrat01, Juless, Fl Twin, Alex, hijinx, Elin, Moonbeamhl, Allison, M.E.M, Katherine, myelephantgirl, rory, Nadia, Jules, Martie, Isha, Jacob, Chynna Princess, Lanny, nimacu, Jess, jumper, Stresschicken and Zero…**

**for leaving a review, it means a lot. Cheers.**


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